Diagnosis....taken from me?

gratteciel wrote:Wolf, I am glad to hear that you're working on the identity thing, and separating yourself. Even though I personally don't phrase it with "I am ____", I find myself thinking that I am, and telling myself that's all I'll amount to. All that to say that I struggle with it myself. It's hard. Especially when I feel obviously different from the people around me, and the only way for me to relate to anyone is to identify myself as bipolar.

Anyway, sorry for rambling.

Yes, precisely this. I know enough to know that things can change, but even when I'm not verbally expressing "I'm so borderline" I'm probably thinking it. Especially when I have those feelings of being different. Been there, too. Those of us on the Borderline/Bipolar spectrum in the hospital (four or five of us) became really close because we shared the same mix of....intense emptiness, for lack of being able to describe it properly.

Oh, but yes, I have always hated "I'm a cutter". Even when "I am bipolar" or "I am borderline" was okay, I HATED "I'm a cutter". It's almost like some sort of slur...I don't know. That's awful that your family says that to you. Perhaps they should re-frame their thinking to what you said. You struggle with self harm. Have you suggested that to them? Yeah, I guess I would prefer being called my diagnosis as opposed to one symptom, as well. "I'm borderline" sounds better than "I'm a cutter" for sure. And my logic would be that many people don't know what "borderline" even means, so they would probably be confused, not disturbed like they might be with the cutter idea.

Oh, definitely. I noticed my treatment didn't change much between the two. I mean, specific meds changed, but all of the meds treated the same thing, just in different ways. So, you haven't gone far. Besides, the people in the BP forum seem pretty cool. I haven't posted too much there because I got so used to the SI forum, but I like the BP forum too.

I've just sort of shrugged it off, but yeah, I really do need to assert myself in that thought. Part of me rages in that, NO I am NOT a cutter! Stigma. Best scenario would be to just rid of such talk and get straight on to treatment of my maladaptive behavioral issues.

Right, the only thing that's changed for me is meds, because I'd gone off them months ago; I was better at the time and they weren't exactly working, anyways. Now I'm on two small doses just to start the process of regulation. I mean, I've read around the BP forum, but haven't contributed there yet. I suppose once I switch my sig I'll go hang around there, too. I doubt the people here (BPD) are just going to kick me out because I've had my diagnosis revoked. It's still BPD to me!

Welcome to the wonderful, horrible world of bipolar disorder. Hey, I think this forum is a welcoming place. Personally, I lurk in the anorexia section due to issues I've had with restricting. I also lurk here, and sometimes I even check out random places just to learn. Oddly enough, the majority of my issues are depressive, but I never hang out there. Odd. Anyway, I'm sure you're welcome anywhere.

gratteciel wrote:Welcome to the wonderful, horrible world of bipolar disorder. Hey, I think this forum is a welcoming place. Personally, I lurk in the anorexia section due to issues I've had with restricting. I also lurk here, and sometimes I even check out random places just to learn. Oddly enough, the majority of my issues are depressive, but I never hang out there. Odd. Anyway, I'm sure you're welcome anywhere.

Pfft. Yeah, there are areas I lurk too, because I'm learning. Especially if I am going to be a counselor someday, I feel it's important to understand a variety of things from the eyes of the person/people going through it. Haha, thanks for reminding me of how welcoming this whole forum tends to be, though. It's nice, since that was why I even joined to begin with.

littlearcher wrote:wolfesque.....you're certainly welcome to post here and in other places on the forum as well

Haha, thank you, Archer. Though my "doubt" was a little tongue-in-cheek it does point to the greater issue (fear of abandonment)...thank you for clearing that up, in the very least. I don't want to be shunned away to the non corner simply because the shoe doesn't fit according to one doctor in the pack.

Wolfesque wrote:I don't want to be shunned away to the non corner simply because the shoe doesn't fit according to one doctor in the pack.

Hahahaha, for some reason, this made me laugh. Although I have "tendencies", I think I'm technically a non when it comes to BPD, but just thinking about my thoughts on having mental illness in general, I realize that I have that mindset. "I don't want to be shunned away to the non corner." I guess I just think of people with mental illness as worldly or something. We've all been through so much, that it seems like we just have a little bit to say about everything, I guess. Or maybe I'm just hoping that's the case so I can feel good about myself for once.

diagnosis a is dangerous
i think you sould never be given your diagnosis
that's for profesionals only
if they do give that to you it becomes your default thinking
you think borderline and not you
you need to think about yourself
your problems
your causes
your sollutions
not all the borderlines
a borderline is this and this..
everyone is differend
it's like spaghetti
someone tell you this is spaghetti
you think oh spaghetti it's got tomato's pasta minced meat
and you think abaut what a spaghetti is seposed to taste like
so you don't taste this spaghetti or you do but you think it's bad bacause you thinking of one spaghetti and this one is differend
let's say vegetarian spaghetti

gratteciel wrote:

Wolfesque wrote:I don't want to be shunned away to the non corner simply because the shoe doesn't fit according to one doctor in the pack.

Hahahaha, for some reason, this made me laugh. Although I have "tendencies", I think I'm technically a non when it comes to BPD, but just thinking about my thoughts on having mental illness in general, I realize that I have that mindset. "I don't want to be shunned away to the non corner." I guess I just think of people with mental illness as worldly or something. We've all been through so much, that it seems like we just have a little bit to say about everything, I guess. Or maybe I'm just hoping that's the case so I can feel good about myself for once.

Hah, hey, it's all good. We all fear rejection to a point... And I think it's okay to try and feel good about ourselves, especially when we've been through all this hell!

madjoe wrote:diagnosis a is dangerous
i think you sould never be given your diagnosis
that's for profesionals only
if they do give that to you it becomes your default thinking
you think borderline and not you
you need to think about yourself
your problems
your causes
your sollutions
not all the borderlines
a borderline is this and this..
everyone is differend
it's like spaghetti
someone tell you this is spaghetti
you think oh spaghetti it's got tomato's pasta minced meat
and you think abaut what a spaghetti is seposed to taste like
so you don't taste this spaghetti or you do but you think it's bad bacause you thinking of one spaghetti and this one is differend
let's say vegetarian spaghetti

Spaghetti with soybeans is good.

madjoe wrote:diagnosis a is dangerous
i think you sould never be given your diagnosis
that's for profesionals only
if they do give that to you it becomes your default thinking
you think borderline and not you
you need to think about yourself
your problems
your causes
your sollutions
not all the borderlines
a borderline is this and this..
everyone is differend
it's like spaghetti
someone tell you this is spaghetti
you think oh spaghetti it's got tomato's pasta minced meat
and you think abaut what a spaghetti is seposed to taste like
so you don't taste this spaghetti or you do but you think it's bad bacause you thinking of one spaghetti and this one is differend
let's say vegetarian spaghetti

I think back to the days when all I had diagnosed was Major Depressive Disorder. Back then it was, "I'm depressed" in comparison to, say, "I'm depression." It's the symptom rather than the diagnosis. Not an identity statement. Like, all of us may have the Borderline diagnosis, but even then we can all look and act differently because of the 5/9 criteria needed to be met for the diagnosis.

I'd known for years BPD existed, but didn't know what it was. (Take for example a class where we discussed therapies, and "DBT is the most effective treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder" was all that came of that discussion for the topic.) Even then - two years prior - I was struggling with 'Borderline traits' that could have probably made a case for a diagnosis. But I didn't seek help because I didn't know there was that option.

As far as it goes now, I have argued for various diagnoses based upon my experiences, and I've not always "won", though different professionals have given me different labels. And they've evolved and changed over the years. The only thing I would disagree with you on is that I believe that once you know your diagnosis/es, you're better equipped to know what to look for in regards to treatment options, which then goes into what you said in thinking about oneself.

I will not always have the diagnoses as they stand right now. But the thought that the Borderline diagnosis was taken from me when I feel I have a stronger case for it now than when I was first diagnosed was what threw me for a loop.

All this to say I agree to some extent. Having insight in Psychology with my degree has been a blessing and a curse, for sure. xP

And now I'm hungry. Haha, thanks for that.

saudade7 wrote:Spaghetti with soybeans is good.

That sounds interesting.