BPD vs. NPD

who38 wrote:

I don't beleive any person can have any kind of mix of these unless bipolar or DID and even then not at the same time.

My ex who I believed had npd/ bpd traits was actually diagnosed bipolar when he was a teenager. He was on boatloads of lithium back in the day after he burnt his girlfriends parents house down.


But every word out of his mouth was always a lie so it was hard to separate fact from fiction.

i also have an ex who has both npd/bpd traits......i suspect there is some bipolar going on too...although that was hidden from me ...although she did divulge that she used to take topomax for "migraines" which i suspect was a coverup.....and she has an uncle who is definitley bipolar

A lot of what you said when I was initially doing my research really rang true with me, Addx. I was convinced I was a covert, it fit me too perfectly. That is still on the table, but I'm holding off until I can see the psychiatrist next week. and hopefully, get some real answers this time.

I was only saying, that I do not subscribe to your latest views, though I think you have a lot of good ideas and good things to say.

What bothered me, and where I took offense, is when you began to touch upon my own diagnosis and gave your own opinions on that. I'm very sensitive to that. That is not your fault, and I do not hold anything against you. So I'm sorry if I got a little defensive about that.

But the truth is, there is an aweful lot of overlap between all of the Cluster B's. That's one thing that I was told before, is that you have to use whichever diagnosis most closely resembles your symptoms, and I do agree, you have to look at the underlying reasons for such behavior and not look at just the behavior itself.

There is no doubt at all that my bipolar and borderline diagnosis are correct. But there is more going on and that's what I've been trying to figure out. It doesn't explain everything.

As I said in my journal, as odd as it is and I'm still having a hard time grasping it, is my diagnosis of HPD while in the psych ward. I find it quite odd, because I am not a typical HPD in the sense, that I am not extroverted (due to extreme fear of rejection) and do not seek the attention I desire as a result.

There is much more, but when taken in the whole big picture, like she stressed, it does work. Personally I suspect I am also Avoidant. I have been reclusive for 15 years, and have extreme social phobia, and I meet nearly all of the criteria for it.

I know I have some narcissism, but I suspect that is from using the splitting defense for so many years. I do not think (at this time) that I am pathological.

I find your theories quite intriguing, but all I was saying, was I don't think you can put a one-size-fits-all criteria to everyone. Because everyone is different.

For instance. I am a male, who was always effeminate. If there can be any gender contrasts drawn between BPD for example, from what I've read time and again, I would identify as a "female borderline". If there are such stark differences between a male and female borderline. That goes with anything. I've always had a female mind in that respect, if that makes sense.

Sorry to hijack your thread. I told you in pm before, keep writing, and I'll keep reading what you have to say. I find your theories quite intriguing, but I don't agree with them all.

I also strongly suspect that my mom is a covert, and that reflects the dynamics of the relationship I have with her. It's always about her asserting her control over me, engulfing me, and abusing me. That was one of the revelations that came through in my latest psychotic episode when I was in the hospital.
She has been using me as supply all these years, and it explains why she is like Dr. Jekyl and Mrs. Hyde some times. She can be quite nasty and vicious, and the next moment around others, very nice and caring and sweet. There is more. But I do suspect she is a covert. She fits all the signs, and is a big reason why I think I need to go no contact with her. She has done enough damage to me already.

If I am right about her, and I strongly suspect that I am, then she is in a coma, asleep, and totally unaware of who she is. She is living in a dream, a delusion. That is her death, and I am perfectly content to allow her to remain in that state. I am fully self-aware and awake, and she is asleep. I take great solice in that. Call it vengefulness if you like, but truth is truth. I hate her with every fiber of my being, I always have. That too became clear to me recently. She is an incredibly abusive and vindictive person.

I was reading some things about narcissistic parents, how once a child becomes an adolescent, their parents start abusing them, because they become a threat to them. That is exactly when her abuse started. So I don't know.

Enough hijacking your thread. I apologize.

I'm sorry, I wanted to remind you of your official diagnosis for two reasons.

1. I do think BPD + bipolar covers your behavior patterns. That's just my opinion and I never claimed to be anything more than a diletant.

2. More importantly, I was afraid for you. You ended up in a hospital following your train of thought. And I feel partly responsible for your train of thought. I know you related a lot to my covert narc texts and you were interested in my own crying/regression/breakdown episode. I became worried from the moment you kinda ignored the part where I said I didn't think it was something healthy and I don't want it happening again.

So, I didn't mean to offend, I just got really scared what you might be doing to yourself with all this overthinking... I hurt myself like that once before, at the beginning when I first self diagnosed NPD... I got so paranoid about myslelf, it was the only time I came close to suicidal thoughts, my brain hurt, I thought I was irreparably 100% malevolent but clueless about it and there was not beating it, I could not think my way out of the malevolence, whatever I do it was selfish and would hurt people... such thoughts, it hurt me... I destroyed myself...

Anyway, I got scared so I wanted to kinda set you back on your official diagnosis and kinda try to get you to work with doctors about it more.

I'm sorry

If that is truly the case Addx, then I greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

About my diagnosis, bipolar + BPD does not cover all of my behaviors. That is why I set out to find answers.

And well, I am self-focused and obsessed. I can't help it, it's just the way I am. I need to find the truth in myself. That is what has fueled this obsession.

blank identity wrote:If that is truly the case Addx, then I greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

About my diagnosis, bipolar + BPD does not cover all of my behaviors. That is why I set out to find answers.

Ok, I just gave my opinion and you did want to know my opinion. But you do know yourself better than anyone and I have no problem with you rejecting it. Just take care please, don't hurt yourself, I really did get scared and then I got so pissed when they didn't allow me to post in that thread and you had PMs disabled. I was worried, it's good to see you're doing ok, I'm happy and I want you to find your answers, but in a much less upsetting way.

Thank you Addx.

Nevermind. I created a separate thread.

blank identity wrote:Thank you Addx.

Let me ask you if you don't mind. Or if you want me to create another thread, just say so.

Do you think it's possible for a covert to truly wake up? For the True self to fully emerge?

My opinion on that hasn't changed from when I joined the forums. I do think it's possible but only with pharmacology which hasn't been invented yet or is in trials.

Other than that, I believe one could follow buddhas path, but that is somewhat unrealistic for most people unless they move to tibet or something. One might not even have a self emerge but rather reach an egoless nirvana which might be an even "better" form of existance than NoN.
Buddhism is basicaly a philosophy or mental discipline to help narcs deal with the world, this has been established a few times on the forum.

I already created another thread. But thanks for the reply. It's one I'm still trying to figure out.

Edit: Thank you for the reply in my thread. Very informative and I'll keep it in mind.

Would you care if I create a thread to discuss some of my issues? I would be interested in your feedback.