so angry! (at myself, and everyone else!)

i am so angry at the moment because some of my close friends are ill and i feel like i'm in a competition to be the ill-est. it's so stupid and irrational, but my motto at the moment is 'you can be healthy or dead, nothing inbetween' I feel so threatened when other people get seriously ill (both physically or mentally) and i don't know why at all!!! can anybody help me out here or relate?

I used to think like that. I once pierced a piece of glass in my toe, just for attention.

May trigger:

What helped me,

Accepting that what I wanted to do was for attention.
Not judging myself.
Realizing that it was unhealthy.

If it helps you can write down what will happen if you fall ill, what will happen, your friends will call you, people will come over. You will get to meet them.

When I read my words, I realized that I can get the same results(of meeting with friend) with falling ill.

Now I try to cultivate healthy habits, I eat more food, work out. I cannot 'not have' the urge to be ill. I can replace it with the urge to stay healthy. It's like driving a car, if you have to go left, you pull the steering left, you don't, 'not go right and not go straight.'

So try to replace the 'I want to be ill' urge with 'I want to be healthy desire' and strive towards it. It has helped me a lot.

littlearcher wrote:can you see how saying that you can be healthy or dead and nothing in between might be a little bit black and white and misses a lot of the grey areas that make up most of our lives?

oh gosh yeah you're right! i need to try and start thinking rationally about this.

jaus tail wrote:I used to think like that. I once pierced a piece of glass in my toe, just for attention.

May trigger:

What helped me,

Accepting that what I wanted to do was for attention.
Not judging myself.
Realizing that it was unhealthy.

If it helps you can write down what will happen if you fall ill, what will happen, your friends will call you, people will come over. You will get to meet them.

When I read my words, I realized that I can get the same results(of meeting with friend) with falling ill.

Now I try to cultivate healthy habits, I eat more food, work out. I cannot 'not have' the urge to be ill. I can replace it with the urge to stay healthy. It's like driving a car, if you have to go left, you pull the steering left, you don't, 'not go right and not go straight.'

So try to replace the 'I want to be ill' urge with 'I want to be healthy desire' and strive towards it. It has helped me a lot.

this made me think actually and that is really helpful advice, thank you

I think I've found a reason, as stupid as it sounds:
I think I feel like that because in my life I've experienced quite a few family members getting ill and dying, not whom i'm necessarily close to as such but my parents were.
Maybe I saw my parents (whom I love) paying attention to someone else?
So I feel like I need to be ill/dying in order to gain attention from those I love?
I don't know, just a random thought?

Now that you post that, even I am trying to recollect the environment in my family. Quite a few people were always sick or would always cry, and these people were always talked about as 'Oh those poor souls, that poor soul never saw any happiness.' Maybe I interpreted as 'the more sick I get, the more attention I'll get'

But now i've realized that I'd rather stay healthy. It feels good to the body when I eat, and work out.