"people have it way worse than you do"

Does this COMPLETELY bother anyone else as much as it bothers myself?

I find it INSULTING for people to pretty much minimize how I feel cause theres a kid over in africa who is starving or whatever their comparison is! Regardless, I am in my own unique individual situation and its almost rude to tell me how others have it worse. Contrary to what people may think, it does not help me feel any better.

Does anyone else go off the walls hearing this and how do you respond back?

littlearcher wrote:it's most certainly an invalidating statement and i can see how hearing it might get your back up.

who told you that? i ask because if that's an answer you keep getting, perhaps you might want to evaluate if the person you are sharing about your life with is someone capable of listening to you and really hearing you.

for example, i don't really get that response often. but, i think part of that is because if someone doesn't strike me as being able to be empathetic or at least actively listen, then i don't speak about things where i would want that kind of response.

what do you think?

You're not going to believe this one Little Archer but, the person who actually said this to me today is a 38 yr old woman I met in my last DBT class! She has also been hospitalized 4 different times for being too depressed/wanting to kill herself. She has major depressive disorder and has been doing much better over the past few years and is regularly taking an antidepressant.

I was SO uspet to hear this from HER. out of ALL people!

-- Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:25 pm --

She said I really need to try and look at positive things in life. I'm like you're kidding me, right? You DO know I'm finally caving in to trying an antidepressant and those who have taken antidepressants all know it takes 4 to even 6 wks for those things to kick in. I'm only giving in to meds because I feel completely helpless lately and have no motivation. Everything has decreased dramatically where I don't even have the strength to really try and do stuff on my own so Ive decided ill try out medicine.

SO many people sAY this though and its just the worst way to try and help a person. id rather have the person say to me "sorry I'm not sure how to help anymore".

Someone has cancer, therefore you're not allowed to ever be upset. Stupid ######6 logic.

MuddyWaters wrote:Someone has cancer, therefore you're not allowed to ever be upset. Stupid ######6 logic.

Completely agree MuddyWaters. thank you!

sorry little archer! I just mean it as an expression, even though i said "LITTLE ARCHER YOU would not believe it" lol my bad!!!

i am just more sensitive hearing it come out of HER mouth cause she has been through so much, i thought she'd be the last person to say that.

noreally_imfine wrote:I find it INSULTING for people to pretty much minimize how I feel cause theres a kid over in africa who is starving or whatever their comparison is! Regardless, I am in my own unique individual situation and its almost rude to tell me how others have it worse. Contrary to what people may think, it does not help me feel any better.

Why should it make you feel better? If a person has a problem, solving that problem makes them feel better.

Its the same thing as telling the starving child in africa "at least you don't have psychological issues that mean you can't be happy even if you do have food". You can imagine the sarcastic response as the child keels over and dies, lol. The child didn't need some #######4 motivational phrase, they needed some food.

The way I see it, the problem is that people think psychological issues are like being a little dissatisfied or disappointed, when they're actually practical problems with practical solutions in the same way as physical problems like lack of food are.

Because a lot of people are emotionally driven, they don't see this and even find the idea of a practical solution invalidating. The difference there is in how the solution is delivered, but the basis of it is probably still going to be the same.

Funny, I tell myself that "invalidating statement" all the time. No one has to say it to me. In my opinion, it's true... there are people out there who have it way worse than we do. We have so much to be thankful for and yet we are miserable. The OTHER truth is that our pain is real, despite what we may have going for us. Our society teaches us to want more, more, more, and yet more and more of us are depressed. BPD is in fact a brain disorder, though, so while there is treatment available, it is not entirely our fault that we live in misery.

Don't beat them up too much for saying that, because in their own (albeit strange and off-putting) way, they may be trying to help you feel better by seeing a bigger picture. Might be best to explain that, while seeing a world beyond herself may work for her, it is not a good approach for you and only makes you feel worse.

(Personally, one of the reasons I feel miserable sometimes is just knowing how miserable the rest of the world is!)

the reason people say this is cause they dont know what to say. for many people problems are
physical, health issues or finanical issues

people dont know about issues as depression or other psychological challenges, so they dont know what to say.

so if they dont know what to say, they try to escape the issue by saying, 'others have gone through worse.'

and its not their fault if they dont know what to say.