BPD Roll Call!!

Hey Everyone!

I wanted to start a Roll Call thread for those with an official diagnosis of BPD. I've seen it on other boards and it gives a pretty clear snap shot of the disorder and what people are dealing with. Answers are meant to be brief but if you feel like writing more.. go a head!

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?
2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?
3. What medication are you on?
4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?
5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!

K. I'll go first....

-- Tue Nov 05, 2013 3:36 pm --

1. Onset late teens early twenties, Diagnosis 40
2. Anxiety, PTSB
3. Cipralex, Quentiapine
4. DBT, working but looking for alternatives
5. My ability to pick up and go, and my desire to connect deeply with people.

Hey Everyone!

hai!

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?

i've had several dxs, the first of GAD was back 20 years ago. pdnos was last year after me fighting against the mdnos dx. i started seeing a therapist at 8 though...so i've been in and out of the system for 31 years.

2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?

ADHD, GAD with mixed emotional features, recovering ed, pdnos - hpd+npd+bpd, but not enough of each one to get a full dx

3. What medication are you on?

effexor, lamictal, trazadone prn, ativan prn

4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?

talk & med so far, attempted CBT but it didn't last, really want to try EMDR but waiting for someone to allow new patients

5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!

my charisma!

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?
Puberty for onset. I was diagnosed with 'adolescent affective disorder' as a teen. As soon as I turned 18 and went insane, I graduated up the borderline lol.
2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?
Bulimia/ednos, a mood disorder, trichotillomania(mild now)
3. What medication are you on?
I just stopped topamax for bpd and I've tried a bunch. I'm currently on lithium and seroquel.
4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?
I've tried a bunch of cbt but am just now trying dbt. The cbt that I had was focused on the eating disorder and trich.
5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!
I'm sarcastic, I suppose. I am open to trying new things? idk

1. Diagnosed this year, I'm in my twenties. BPD-characteristic mood swings since I was at least 14 and dissociation since I was 6; full onset with all criteria did not manifest till I was 20.
2. Dissociative disorder not otherwise specified, some docs think I am Bipolar Type 2, Major Depression, Panic Disorder, and severe ADHD mixed-type.
3. Abilify, Vyvanse for ADHD, Klonopin for the panics
4. Talk therapy for a few years, including some CBT, mindfulness, grounding... no effect whatsoever.
5. I am a creative writer.

I've had symptoms my whole life, starting with nightmares, bedwetting, thumbsucking until I was about 10. I always felt extremely insecure and unsure of myself, I thought nobody liked me. A lot of this was environmental because I was either ignored and abused in some way by every caretaker, and sexually abused. I always felt so alone, like I had absolutely no one I could turn to for any support or love or affection. I also had a deep feeling of shame and dirtiness, that I was a sex object and nothing more,I had no value apart from being a sexual object. I felt worthless, dirty, defective.

Suicidal ideation and depression began at age 11 or 12. I was so low functioning by the teen years I could not even make it through high school. I had to drop out, I just couldn't stand being there. I was so sensitive, I felt like everyone hated me, was making fun of me, I felt so defective and inadequate.

I was taken to different psychologists but never stayed with one long enough for a dx to me made, apart from the obvious, depression and anxiety. I was given different meds but none of them worked right. Prozac made me manic, anxiety meds did nothing.

I attempted suicide at 17 and then burned myself at 20 but that was all the self-harm I did. There has always been a lot of suicidal ideation though.

Rships were always chaotic and unstable, I was jealous and paranoid, I split people, I pushed people away, picked fights, had wild mood swings all the time, I couldn't trust anyone, but I became obsessed with them. I absolutely could not be alone. I would frantically look for any rship, even a horrible one just so I wouldn't have to be alone. I put up with a lot because I could not be alone. Drank a lot of alcohol and sometimes used drugs. Regulated my emotions with impulsive stuff like sex, shoplifting, fast driving, drinking, etc.

In my 20s I went to a thx for about 2 years and at one point told her I thought I could have BPD but she didn't think so because at that time I was trying to get out of my abusive rship and she said a BPD would NEVER choose to be alone instead of being in a rhsip.

Now I know she was wrong though, the problem is rships are too triggering for me, so now I choose to stay single because I've had enough stress and drama to last a lifetime. I try to stay out of rships now but they keep finding me somehow, and its always the same, jealousy, anxiety, fighting, until he leaves me.

I also had trouble expressing anger at that time. I was so angry but suppressed it because I was scared if I started to let it out I would lose control. I was also trained my whole life to sit down and shut up and take whatever was thrown at me, and to always put others before me, to ignore and deny my own needs and feelings and always think of the other person.

Suppressing my anger gave me horrible panic attacks though so now I am able to express my anger a little better but I still have to suppress it. If I really thought of all the bad stuff that happened to me and how unjust it all was I would go even crazier.

That therapist did diagnose me with Panic Disorder, GAD, Depression (in remission), PTSD, and OCD.

Later on that same therapist told me she had another diagnosis for me but she didn't want to tell me what it was. What else could it be but BPD? Are there other things that the thx wouldn't want to tell the client she has? I know I'm not NPD, and we talked about and ruled out other stuff, like Avoidant and Paranoid, Dependent, etc. So I think she diagnosed me and didn't tell me, and I have since diagnosed myself as well since I am a Mental Health Counselor and I am actually qualified to do that, though I'm not working now. I'm pretty low functioning. Education is the only place I've been able to succeed.

-- Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:19 pm --

PS I dropped out of high school, but was still able to go on to community college and then regular college by taking the GED, in case any of you were wondering.

First off, justagirl00, I really related to a lot of your history, feelings, and even similar issues not part of BPD.

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?
My whole life it has seemed like something was up. My entire childhood was chaotic, since I was born. I had terrible nightmares, sleep walking nightly for a period, and I had a blankey till I was in about grade 3 or 4. My BPD became more apparent as something different than depression when I began my first real relationship at age 17. However I didn't get diagnosed till two months ago, and I am 28 years old.

2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?
OCD traits, PTSD (in the past), social anxiety traits when stressed/depressed

3. What medication are you on?
Birth control - some kinds seem to exacerbate my conditions

4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?
I don't know how to describe it other than basic counselling. Although I have become even more self-aware than I already was (I'm very analytical and reflective), nothing has really worked for what I want to improve, which is dealing with my emotions and thereby improving my relationships. I have just started DBT though so I hope that helps.

5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!
I like that I'm creative and very sensitive to other people's feelings.

Whipped Cream...Thank you for letting me know you relate to my experiences

Its comforting in a way to know there are other who have been through similar things and feel similar ways

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?

I can see bpd traits as far back as 7th grade, depression in my teens. I was officially diagnosed with major depression, bpd, gad around 93.

2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?

MDD, GAD

3. What medication are you on?

Lamictal, klonopin, prozac (recently added)

4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?

talk therapy and dbt.. neither really

5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!

I like nothing about me and I'd change everything if given the opportunity.

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?
I was diagnosed at 16 after several inpatient admissions for self injury and suicide attempts/ suicidal ideation. I think there was always something different about me growing up. I have a memory of "waking up" one day and realizing that I was alive for the first time in my life. I take this to be a dissociative thing. I also had lots of rage issues and was always very sensitive. I first had suicidal ideation in 6th grade (age 11). My first attempt was at 13.
2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?
bipolar I disorder with psychotic features, GAD
3. What medication are you on?
See current meds in my signature.
4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?
Regular CBT, DBT. DBT was most helpful when I took it when I was older. I had taken it when I was in my teens and it did nothing for me.
5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!
I like that I am a sensitive and emotional person. I feel very in tune with the world. So long as this doesn't become too overwhelming I like having this as a part of my personality.

1. When were you diagnosed, when according to you was the onset of symptoms?

Diagnosed in early 2011, but had the symptoms since my teens.

2. Do you have any comorbid disorders?

Avoidant PD, and later picked up PTSD in late 2010 in an incident which lead to the diagnoses.

3. What medication are you on?

Trazodone (for insomnia), Topamax (mood stabilizer), and Celexa (AD)

4. What therapy have you tried, and what seems to work for you?

Coping Skills class ("DBT Lite" as I like to call it) and a self-esteem class. Didn't work too well, so I'm just waiting to hear back on the insurance thing from a psychologist now.

5. What do you really like about YOU, that you would never want to change!

To my friends and family, I'm loyal to a fault. I'm also protective. I'll do everything I can to ensure that the people I care about stay safe. (There are some advantages to not having an "off" switch!)