Click This *TW*

I don't know where to post this, or where to start. But it doesn't matter. Onward.

Questions: How does one separate the true self from the false self? Then, how do we combine the two to make for the ultra person? That's what is affecting me. Want some examples? Okay.

There are 2 sides right? The light, and the dark. So, how do I know if I'm light trapped in darkness, or darkness hidden by light? I tell my wife I'm a narcissist, and an a-hole (are curse words allowed here?). I've made shirts that simply say D-BAG. I think the majority of people and rules are stupid and unnecessary. I don't like people to waste my time, small talk, why? Although...

I have this childhood innocence about me. I know other people feel it, I can tell in the way they respond to me versus the way they respond to others around me. Everyone in my group gets "dap" and I get a polite handshake. This happens with acquaintances as well as "friends." I didn't start jaywalking until I was 19. People who steal make me sick. "Make-up is just getting so expensive." Well, if your fat--- would stop stealing the freaking make up the companies wouldn't have to increase the cost to try and make up for their losses from THEFT. Tangent. Apologies.

So, I feel as though the dark superior version of me is real, while the innocence is just a show. But so many things say it's the other way around. But I feel happier just not caring and feeling superior. Like, a real happiness, not the empty kind. The empty kind comes with trying to make other people happy and think I'm good. Like, why the f--- does it matter? I thought about volunteering, because I needed to "give back." But this community has done nothing for me. SO why volunteer? Because it looks good. "Oh, you help the elderly? Aren't you sweet?" Which really translates into "oh, you help the elderly? That just made you a more attractive and/or better person."

So, this ultra person. I figure as long as I can keep exuding this innocence, it'll serve me well. Like, hang onto it, I know it's not all fake due to the way I grew up, I just hate it now. It makes it hard to mature when you look in the mirror and you look like you're on your way to 1st period.

What do you guys think? Maybe not my personal bit, but as far as yourself? I've also *finally* figured out what it is I'm going to do with my life. College seems to make you look better, but I don't care about any one thing often enough to study it for four years, other than the human mind. So, while a degree in psychology will have nothing to do with my business, I think the things I can learn will serve me well. Manipulate people without hurting them, life is just a game anyway. AM I right or am I right?

I have to admit I agree with you.
Manipulation is a loaded term but it doesn't always have to be something bad.
Make a living the best way you can, as long as you can do it without hurting others.
If you can capitalize on your seeming childlike innocence without hurting people, I don't see a problem with it.

No idea, its too far from how I relate to myself to be able to understand. But holding high moral standards can be "narcissistic" too, as well as thinking more about how you see yourself in terms of identity than what you want from life or what you experience...

There are 2 sides right? The light, and the dark. So, how do I know if I'm light trapped in darkness, or darkness hidden by light? I tell my wife I'm a narcissist, and an a-hole (are curse words allowed here?). I've made shirts that simply say D-BAG. I think the majority of people and rules are stupid and unnecessary. I don't like people to waste my time, small talk, why?

Even i hate rules and dont like small talk. I've realized that no one is perfect. I imagine that what's the worst thing that can happen if i break the rule. if it's a traffic rule, or overspeeding, google search road accidents. So whenever i'm on the road, i counsciously calm down.

I have this childhood innocence about me. I know other people feel it, I can tell in the way they respond to me versus the way they respond to others around me. Everyone in my group gets "dap" and I get a polite handshake. This happens with acquaintances as well as "friends." I didn't start jaywalking until I was 19. People who steal make me sick. "Make-up is just getting so expensive." Well, if your fat--- would stop stealing the freaking make up the companies wouldn't have to increase the cost to try and make up for their losses from THEFT. Tangent. Apologies.

No one is the ultra person. Everyone has shades of black and white. People are innocent with their kids and arrogant with their juniors at office. They have dirty talk with their partners but talk of business with their bosses. Try not to judge yourself and try thinking of how it affects you.

are you comfortable with people thinking of you as innocent. for most people innocence is being quiet and submissive. are you that person. do you not respond to any joke made on you? do you not fight back? do you stand up for yourself when a friend/acquantance makes any funny remark on you?

So, I feel as though the dark superior version of me is real, while the innocence is just a show. But so many things say it's the other way around. But I feel happier just not caring and feeling superior. Like, a real happiness, not the empty kind. The empty kind comes with trying to make other people happy and think I'm good. Like, why the f--- does it matter? I thought about volunteering, because I needed to "give back." But this community has done nothing for me. SO why volunteer? Because it looks good. "Oh, you help the elderly? Aren't you sweet?" Which really translates into "oh, you help the elderly? That just made you a more attractive and/or better person."

there's nothing wrong in being a bad guy. it depends what you think as bad. the doctor who saves lives could be cheating on his wife, the teacher who punishes students harshly could be the sole bread earner of her family. many people have this urge to make others happy and seek validation from others. nons got it from their caretakers. bpds didnt. theres nothing wrong in seeking validation from others. i seek validation from people on this forum. wheter you want to do social work because you want to or to pass time or for publicity, no one cares, as long as you do the work?

again you dont have to care and feel for anyone and everyone. first think of yourself, and then save some for your family, friends, or pet dog. i'd say the dog would be more loyal.

So, this ultra person. I figure as long as I can keep exuding this innocence, it'll serve me well. Like, hang onto it, I know it's not all fake due to the way I grew up, I just hate it now. It makes it hard to mature when you look in the mirror and you look like you're on your way to 1st period.
You're a human, not an android that good guy's intentions plus bad guy's skills and bam, ultra guy has been formed. At times one has to break rules, like the ambulance driver, try to think that will happen if i break the rule and is breaking the rule really necessary.

I've also *finally* figured out what it is I'm going to do with my life. College seems to make you look better, but I don't care about any one thing often enough to study it for four years, other than the human mind. So, while a degree in psychology will have nothing to do with my business, I think the things I can learn will serve me well. Manipulate people without hurting them, life is just a game anyway. AM I right or am I right?

There are career tests online that can help you. most people have the symptoms that diagnose a person as bpd. with bpd's the symptoms are just very very intense and visible.