My boyfriend just dumped me suddenly with no reason!!!!!!

I'm in so much pain right now. I can't believe this is happening to me again. I haven't felt this bad in months.

My new boyfriend just dumped me suddenly and for no reason! Things were going perfectly I thought. He gave no reason for me to believe he was unhappy or anything was wrong. He was always complimenting me, asking me about our future, telling me how great I am, how much he is into me. I was in pure heaven.

Then suddenly Wednesday he started acting like a jerk! He started complaining saying we don't talk enough and never go out and he doesn't know if we are compatible or if we have an emotional connection, etc.

This devastated me because I was on top of the world thinking I had finally found a guy who didn't trigger me and who I was happy with and so compatible with and everything was going so well.

Then he suddenly turned on me with no warning and no reason!!!!

We talked about it some and I explained how I had some anxiety issues, that is why I didn't want to go out as much, but that I would work on it.

His response? "Man the f*** up!"

I bare my soul to him and he responds in the most a$$holish way possible!
I tried to get him back by offering him everything I thought he wants, but he just replied that he needs to think about things.

I'm venting here so I don't keep emailing him and end up saying stuff I wish I didn't. I told him we should just end it then because I don't want to be with someone who is so uncompassionate anyways, and who would just turn on me for no reason with no warning and act like he's mad at me for no reason. It just seems so unfair. He gave me no indication there were any problems in our relationship, then suddenly turned into Dr. Jeckell and started criticizing me and acting all cold and distant for no reason!

I feel so horrible. I feel like I'd seen a little slice of heaven and then suddenly the door is slammed in my face because I'm undeserving, I'm inadequate, there is something wrong with me, I'm not worthy of being loved or being in a good relationship.

Its so unfair. I trusted this guy. He is someone I knew from a long time ago and I thought he was a good guy. I didn't think he would do this to me. Its like he just suddenly changed his mind about me for no reason!

I want to reply to this but honestly, I am HORRIBLE at giving good advice.

First of all, do you think you deserve someone like this? He seems pretty unsympathetic saying "man the f*ck up". I HATE how guys just don't understand these things!!!

What bothers me is how OUT OF NOWHERE, he just dumped you. Do you really deserve that? No, you don't. I think if someone really wants to be with the other person, they would talk about their issues first and try to make it work instead of a surprise break-up where they just unload their issues right then and there without trying to resolve it.

You aren't inadequate. You didn't even know anything was wrong! It sounds to me as if he didn't even give you a chance to try and fix anything issues he may have been having. If he bottles it up and doesn't communicate with you (which it sounds like he was doing) then how are you going to know to do something about it?

littlearcher wrote:you must be feeling awful right now. and completely blind-sided.

please keep posting here if it helps.

i think you did the right thing in ending it but, i know it still hurts like hell.

offering huge hugs and some kleenex <3

Thanks littlearcher!

I did have a good cry, and then a nice long chat with a friend, so now i feel a little better. I'm still hurt and confused over the break up though but at least I know I have some other social support out there.

I hate it when guys do that! Why do they let us believe everything is perfect and they are happy and then suddenly pull the rug out from under us? Its not so bad when you see it coming, but when its sudden and without warning is the worst.

Thank you again!!!

-- Sat Nov 02, 2013 4:12 pm --

noreally_imfine wrote:I want to reply to this but honestly, I am HORRIBLE at giving good advice.

First of all, do you think you deserve someone like this? He seems pretty unsympathetic saying "man the f*ck up". I HATE how guys just don't understand these things!!!

What bothers me is how OUT OF NOWHERE, he just dumped you. Do you really deserve that? No, you don't. I think if someone really wants to be with the other person, they would talk about their issues first and try to make it work instead of a surprise break-up where they just unload their issues right then and there without trying to resolve it.

You aren't inadequate. You didn't even know anything was wrong! It sounds to me as if he didn't even give you a chance to try and fix anything issues he may have been having. If he bottles it up and doesn't communicate with you (which it sounds like he was doing) then how are you going to know to do something about it?

You are so right! He is being inconsiderate and rude and emotionally abusive. The worst part is when he broke up with me, he just let it all out in one big text and sent it to me, all the complaints, then he said "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good night."

That is the worst a$$hole move to dump me then tell me goodnight without even sticking around to discuss it!

It almost seems like he did it deliberately to hurt me. Its like he went from loving me to hating me in a split second.

I've wondered to myself if he may even have BPD. He admitted to me he has been very suicidal and depressed in the past, and he does seem to have some attachment issues, like getting very clingy with girlfriends but also mistrusting them because he's been hurt and cheated on. He also has a trauma history so I'm sure he's dealing with some PD as well.

So that's why I feel sort of sorry for him like I should be understanding an compassionate, but then I think about how he hurt me and how I don't deserve someone to treat me that badly, and I get angry and I want to beat him up. I guess I should keep reminding myself he is probably disordered too and maybe he has problems getting close to people and he sabatoges relationships, so at least I don't have to take it so personally. It still hurts though.

littlearcher wrote:you're welcome.

and it definitely still hurts, from what you've written it sounds like he could definitely have some attachment issues and his erratic actions are more about those than they are about you.

hugs <3

Thank you littlearcher!!!

his loss

littlearcher wrote:you're very welcome <3

honestly, you can only do your 50% of the relationship and it doesn't seem like he was able to meet you halfway.

he may have thought he could at the start, but it seems like his issues caught up to him and he didn't have the relationship skills or possibly the self-awareness to communicate with you. that means he couldn't do his 50%.

I think you are right about this! I think he may want to continue the relationship in a way but I must be triggering him and he doesn't know how to communicate and address it in a healthy way. And i don't either.

Its true I haven't done much to make him feel very secure in the rship. Not sure if it was subconscious on my part but he has sort of pressured me for a commitment and I've kept telling him I want to take things slow etc. I've almost pushed him away but not a lot, just in subtle ways.

Also I can tell he has a strong jealous streak and I have tried to be sensitive to that but we are on FB together and naturally he is going to notice me talking to other guys and i think that has really bothered him. I think he is feeling very jealous and threatened but he doesn't want to admit that so he is just lashing out and pushing me away before I can cheat on him or leave him for someone else.

Maybe I'm projecting onto him, because I've been having those same anxieties about him. But it really does seem to me that me and him are having the same issues and triggering each other in the same ways! That's why its sort of a shame we can't work it out, but the anxiety and abandonment fears are too strong on both sides.

Thanks again for the feedback and advice and support!!! I'm feeling much better

So insightful littlearcher

I agree with you completely. When two people have the same triggers they will have a really hard time getting along romantically

And when I think about it, yes he did trigger me. I was jealous and insecure a lot of the time and I guess so was he

If we stay together we are probably just going to keep triggering each other forever. I get the impression he is the type who would be jealous of any other male in my life. I have a lot of males I rely on for social support, guys I"ve known for years and they are no threat to him, but it would be too big a sacrifice to give up all my male friends just to appease his jealousy. He is definitely the jealous, controlling, manipulative type. I've though that all along but was hoping he would prove me wrong.

Thank you again! I don't feel so rejected anymore

-- Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:36 pm --

katana wrote:his loss

Thank you katana!

littlearcher wrote:you're very welcome <3

honestly, you can only do your 50% of the relationship and it doesn't seem like he was able to meet you halfway.

he may have thought he could at the start, but it seems like his issues caught up to him and he didn't have the relationship skills or possibly the self-awareness to communicate with you. that means he couldn't do his 50%.

I agree with Littlearcher on this. You both have to make an effort and it seems as if he wasn't trying to make an effort to work out issues he may have had.

lol jaus

Sounds great. I'm getting on a plane right now