Been getting help...

Due to my BPD, as most know what it's like, everything is black & white..no gray.
So I have a child with my Partner, we're involved with Social Services due to me being 'Mentally Unstable'. We have been seeing a Psychologist. She's been delving in to my past to find out why I am, how I am.
I just still sit wishing my Partner could be me for even a day... just to understand how I feel inside. It's abandonment issues and trust issues I have. As soon as I feel I am losing him, even slightly (when I'm not).. my moods switch and I can either be aggressive or depressive and I will do anything to get him to show me the love that I crave.

Can anyone else relate? I mean to the extremes you do to keep someone..
I mean obviously 'Fatal Attraction' did BPD in their film, and I am probably just like Alex... I have attempted suicide because I've thought I've lost him.

OMG yes I relate. I don't feel like explaining it all again, but yes, I have major abandonment issues, and I have gone to extremes to keep people from leaving. Also have been very suicidal when I've lost someone, or thought I was going to lose them.
I've threatened suicide (even though I knew I wasn't going to) to get attention. I've done a lot of crap.
Sorry I just don't feel like getting into it all right now. I'm feeling pretty mentally drained tonight.

When my boyfriend and I of almost 2 years broke earlier this year, I became suicidal. So I understand how you feel when you say your moods shift to extremes.

I am glad I'm not alone. Because even him going to work after we've argued, I lose it. Thinking he's going to come home with a new love and get rid of me.

This is the top of the list for me. I've always went off the deep end if someone left me. I wouldn't have to even be particularly in love with them either...just couldn't take being left alone.

HuiYaMing wrote:I am glad I'm not alone. Because even him going to work after we've argued, I lose it. Thinking he's going to come home with a new love and get rid of me.

Hi, Just when I discovered I had BPD and started looking for help, my long time 3+ year partner left me. I went to some major major extremes. I was hospitalized several times and it took a while to get over it. Looking back I can say that I am grateful for the memories no matter how painful now. It took a very long time to get there. I realize now also had I not been so extreme and had used more of the DBT skills to cope with my extreme emotions in healthy ways I probably would not have lost the relationship. I can give you some specific examples of the skills which have helped me if you'd like. I wish you the best in this.

Anything to help would be beneficial.

HuiYaMing wrote:Anything to help would be beneficial.

I am in a difficult relationship right now and having to struggle through it. I find that being direct with my partner is the best course of action. I ask her direct questions that I would like answered. I also reverse roles and try to see things from her point of view. I check with my support system to see if my feelings have any rational basis or are purely from emotion mind. I also try thinking about the situation from my own logic mind and then synthesize that with my emotion mind to help come with a middle of the ground perception. Taking time to process your emotions is a true key, allowing them to be and allowing yourself to non-judgementally feel them helps you process them later in a more objective way. Two of my personal favorites are picturing my negative thoughts as being on a conveyor belt and then I file them into their various categories. This allows me to have them, recognize them and then allow them to just be. When the conveyor belt trick does not work so well, I close my eyes and picture my thoughts as clouds. Clouds don't linger long. We can see them and analyze them and then new clouds come along and we see and use those as well.

For me personally in the middle of an extreme crisis, I take my smartphone which I have already downloaded a "lullaby" app on and I listen to the different songs like twinkle twinkle. IDK why that triggers my calm, but it does. Also engaging all five senses is very beneficial. Light a candle, incense what have you. Find a painting or other visual stimulus. Put some sound or allow yourself to listen to small sounds in the silence. Also find something to touch and feel such as a dog/cat, soft blanket etc. And then find some mint or other taste bitter or sweet that will take your taste buds. When you do this you are forcing your brain to STOP and your adjusting and only allowing what stimulus you choose. If you find yourself drifting in focus, don't judge, just slowly turn your mind back and focus it on what's around your senses. I hope that one or two of these will help you to relieve your anxiety and fears and see things from a rational Point of View. You do not stand alone my friend, I am here with you in the same trench and fighting the same fight. I promise you that it gets better and better all the time.