Is this common for people with BPD?

I was just reading a thread elsewhere on the board earlier today, and it was mentioned that borderlines typically blame everyone else for their problems/plite.

I realize I do this quite a bit myself. Like for instance, blaming my mom for my childhood and that I never got to have a normal one. I do blame her for kicking off my BPD. But, I really do believe that. *shrug*
I've mentioned it before, but I do feel victimized by society. I do blame them quite a bit for my pain.

But I'm wondering, do other borderlines do this, and is this typical behavior for BPD?

If that's the case, then god... More and more I see just how freaking textbook I am. It doesn't cease to amaze me.

stop
think( a long time if need be)
act
works for me


most ppl feel they have to do something and do the wrong ting because they don't take the time to asses the situation (defendly not a borderline thing)
if i don't know i wait
i nearly forget and than the sullution pops in my head
letting it stue in the back of my mind helps (for me)
you can't rush it

I blame my parents a LOT... my mom is bpd, my dad is npd...

I know if I had normal parents I wold not have ended up this way... I know it was the loooong years of neglect and total social isolation, the lack of support, the verbal abuse, the emotional games, having to parent my mother who substituted food for love and attention, or occasionally became overbearing and scary, and being ignored by my father except in expectations that never yielded love either.

I also blame the world that nobody saved me from my parents. Not even the government who threatened me every year before I left school for being truant so much. They acted like they cared but it was empty warnings. Nobody stepped in when I left middle school. Nobody told my parents to actually educate me all those years. Nobody told them to socialize me. Nobody told them to love me or care about me. Nobody cared when all they wanted was to use me.

I feel like I have spent this life fighting an enemy nobody could see... and it only existed to begin with BECAUSE absolutely nobody could see it. They just saw me making excuses.

You can call that a blame game but it's hard to care. I am so jealous of people who had a normal life growing up who the world worked FOR not against.

Edit: but then I feel guilty because my mother is a child of abuse and her parents caused HER bpd. So it's just a ###$ up cycle. Ugh.

It is a vicious cycle, vertices. I was sexually abused as a child, and it's hard for me to admit, but in turn I sexually abused others as an adolescent.

I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother (as well as a whole bunch of neglect). I'm also an abusive person. My mom was abused herself when she was a child.

If they aren't broken somewhere, these cycles just keep repeating themselves.

even i blame others for my condition. i try to realize, that life is what it is. i try hard to understand that life could've been worse had i been in some other family. i'm glad that i have this forum. i slow down, reduce the amount of time i wonder about life before bpd and other fantasies.

@blank_identity

Ohh, I see I was sexually abused by an adolescent boy as a child. Well, it was a 2 yr age gap. It wasn't violent or SUPER traumatic but I definitely don't think it was healthy...

I didn't become abusive.... though I do sometimes wonder how it affected my view of sex.... is it why I became SO submissive/masochistic? And stuff like that. But the biggest thing for me was definitely the isolation and neglect all those years...

And unfortunately I think that cycle is continuing. I got to this point where I realized, like in my relationship with my bf, I don't actually know HOW to genuinely give support or be there for somebody. I can say that I care but I can't be helpful...

I know if I had kids I would end up repeating the cycle...

I think actually a lot of PDs get passed on that way. Children learn so much from their home environment... and it sticks so much...

I don't blame people for how I am. I blame people for episodes I have now.. you know.. like.. "She was really nasty to me and it set me off" yet it was probably me that started it all and being 'over-sensitive'. Which I get sick of hearing.

vertices wrote:I think actually a lot of PDs get passed on that way. Children learn so much from their home environment... and it sticks so much...

I agree completely.

vertices wrote:I didn't become abusive.... though I do sometimes wonder how it affected my view of sex.... is it why I became SO submissive/masochistic? And stuff like that. But the biggest thing for me was definitely the isolation and neglect all those years...

I think that's why I developed a strong sexual moral code later when I became an adult. I have some very strong views on sex. I've done some pretty bad sh*t in my life, but the abuse I did is one of the very few things I ever felt guilty for, and it tormented me for many, many years.

I don't know. I don't really want to get into it and I'm getting really mentally drained tonight anyhow.

I do this and I'm not sure there's anything wrong with doing this. It would be different if you were blaming people based on irrationality/fantasy, but when it's fact based I don't see how it can be wrong.

I'm not sure that I feel victimized by society but I do feel invalidated and frustrated by society. I think society looks at us as adults only and fails to realize the trauma we experienced occurred to us when we were children and they don't link the two. They see us as adults only. We were children not adults and didn't have the ability to just walkaway from the abuse. I think invalidating us now would be the same as telling a child stop blaming your parents for sexually abusing you. A child would never be told that and in my opinion telling us now that we shouldn't blame or that we need to get over it is in someways excusing the behavior.

You make a good point, cboxpalace.

Edit:
And I'll add (forgive me as I'm slow going today, not doing my best mentally right now) that about the invalidation point especially, I do definitely agree with that and identify with that. But I do feel victimized though and not just invalidated by society, which is where my anger and hate for others comes from.
But still, you made a very good point and I agree with you.

I think I read somewhere a while back that stated that borderlines are basically stuck in the adolescent/teenage stage of emotional developement, and I wonder if that is in fact true.

I was only diagnosed and became self-aware this year, but when I look back on my life and my behavior, I see how pervasive it is, and I can see how in many ways I do handle things on the emotional level of a teenager. I'm not saying all or other borderlines are like that, but just something I noticed about myself.

Does anyone think that is true for them as well?