Help me please I'm too angry *TW

I'm so angry and upset and hopeless and I need support. I fail at everything I try. I am so angry I feel like I'm on fire. I want to set my skin on fire because even that would feel better than this. I'm going to cut cut cut cut cut. It's the only way to numb my brain. And I'm scared to go outside. Not scared of other people. Scared of myself. I want to attack them, everyone on the bus, everyone who stares at me, everyone who exists in this f*cking world. Someone help me please I have lost all hope. I am a monster and the only solution to me seems to be to put this monster down, kill myself. What do I do? Help.

You are as human as your neighbor is, as others on this forum are. You have a right to be safe and happy and calm. You have to protect yourself and keep yourself healthy. You have the strenght to convince yourself that you can eat good food and stay healthy.

You are strong enough to post your challenge on this forum. You are strong enough to admit your challenges. You just have to accomplish the willpower to protect yourself.

If you are scared to go outside, you can stay in the room and relax. You say you fail at everything. You didn't fail at posting your challenge here. It's ok to fail. So many sportsmen fail every second match. BPD is tough but so are you.

Thank you. I figured if it comes down to it I will smoke weed. that has saved my life 4 times. when i really for real feel like ok I am doing this for real (suicide) and I have a clear plan, then I always convince myself to smoke first. And 4 times, it has happened that the weed changed my mood and kept me away from suicide. So I will try that. Doctors say it's bad, but if it's a choice between life and death, then... can they object really?

I take valerian. A lot when I'm angry. I'm trying to work on my anger stuff, somewhat. I get all kinds of rageful...let me tell ya. I'll get mad for hours and then I will have terrible headaches. Lately, I just think to myself....Is anyone really worth getting this mad over? No. Especially strangers. Who cares what they say or how they look at you Kavajava, really.

What about getting out of the house? Sometimes when I'm really angry just going out for a walk with some really loud music can be helpful. Finding something, anything really to distract yourself. If things get too bad, please don't hesitate to call your local crisis line or peer warm line.

I've noticed that when I get that "I fail at everything" mentality it's usually because I'm not being really centered and working on one thing at a time.

Slow down and take a deep breath and pick one thing to do. Don't even think about anything else till one thing is done (even if it's something as simple as washing the dishes). Just live in the moment of washing them and don't let your mind wander.

As for your anger. Well there is where you need an outlet. Exercise, hold ice in the hands, or use some breathing exercises. Sometimes watching a movie can help (and no don't pick the violent ax murdering horror flick, find a drama or a really bad reality show).

I wish you luck!

who38 wrote:I take valerian. A lot when I'm angry. I'm trying to work on my anger stuff, somewhat. I get all kinds of rageful...let me tell ya. I'll get mad for hours and then I will have terrible headaches. Lately, I just think to myself....Is anyone really worth getting this mad over? No. Especially strangers. Who cares what they say or how they look at you Kavajava, really.

Good idea, but valerian tends to just knock me out into am 8 hour sleep haha. Before I used klonopin, I used to use a plant called kratom. I recommend it highly. It makes you feel calm, euphoric, and can increase creativity, but unlike say weed it general does impair reason or coordination, besides shakiness at high doses.

Shane is right, I need to live more in the moment, and I am trying. And Cheze, actually being at home helps me calm down rather than being in the town, it stresses me out. But sometimes going for a drive on the highway helps too... if i'm not so angry I go into road rage that is haha

kavajava wrote:And Cheze, actually being at home helps me calm down rather than being in the town, it stresses me out. But sometimes going for a drive on the highway helps too... if i'm not so angry I go into road rage that is haha

I love how even though we all share the same diagnosis, we are still individuals. Absolutely stay in the house then! Do whatever works best for you. For me, I get this "I need to get out." feeling, out of my skin, out of my house, just OUT. I also love going or drives when angry, so long as I don't drive like I'm angry.

I hope things have calmed down for you.