problems with being triggered by "racey" songs ?? (TW)

This may sound weird, but I've never been able to actually talk to anyone about this. Sometimes sexual things trigger me into a horrible panicky state, where I shake and feel nauseous, and on the outside I go into a horrible rage, and may even scream at the person I'm with at the time (ESPECIALLY if it's a boyfriend), storm out, etc. It's the worst feeling. I feel sad, scared, and angry all at the same time.

When I say sexual things, I mean sex scenes in movies, but especially songs that feature women moaning, or saying explicit sexual things. It makes me feel so terrible, and just writing this is making me start to feel sick.

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For example: I was hanging out with my boyfriend and he put on a pandora station, and this stupid song came on with some girl talking about masturbating, and I immediately felt like I was going to throw up, and I was shaking, and after about 30 seconds of it I snapped and starting swearing at him to switch the song, and saying how disgusting it was and how disgusted I was with him for putting it on, etc. It also made me feel some sort of jealousy, like he wishes I were as explicit and "racey" as the girl singing or something. He didn't understand why I was so upset, and I stormed out and couldn't speak rationally with him for about an hour. For the rest of the day everything kept reminding me of the song, that feeling, and past abuse. It seemed like I couldn't get over it. I felt so awful, and felt even worse for feeling that way.
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I'm not quite sure why I get like this, but I think it either has to do with my extreme jealousy, or it could have to do with me being molested as a child by a female cousin. Reacting this way to movie scenes, or songs with sexual themes, etc, makes me feel soo pathetic and immature and just ridiculous!

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has this same problem, or something similar?
Any insight, or ideas on how I can get over this?

Many people have problems talking about sex.

There's nothing wrong in sex. Many folks use rough language in their conversations which the elite find crass.

Many adress washrooms as washrooms and then there are those who address them as toilets which the former group finds crass.

What is your opinion towards people who talk of sex and masturbation? Do you think of them as sick people?

For me it depends on whom you're talking with. if a bunch of five seniors are bullying a junior by intimidating him and talking of sex then its sick but if its a bunch of friends discussing herpes, aids, their love interest, condom usage then it's ok.

I think that having a trauma history and BPD together makes things like this REALLLY touchy and I relate to a certain extent. I have a similar history and I either go into unhealthy sexual overdrive with things like that or I fly to the opposite end of the spectrum and have a reaction similar to the one you described. I think that being emotionally sensitive (which comes with the territory of BPD) and then being even more sensitive about sexuality because of your history makes perfect sense. There's nothing "wrong" or silly about what you've described. I do think, however, that it's a good indication that you might be able to benefit from therapy specifically targeting trauma. It could be helpful to process the horrible thing that you've experienced so 1. when it does happen you can react differently and 2. so if it does happen, you won't feel as ashamed for acting that way. I do empathize with you a great deal and I just want to reiterate that while your reaction might be hard for you to cope with, there is nothing silly or unwarranted about it. Please do keep talking about it because that's the only way it will ever get better.

thank you both so much for replying! i really appreciate it. at first i felt crazy and like no one would even respond to my post, haha. but i'm glad (in a way) that others can relate, and i'm not alone in feeling this way.

jaus tail: i agree that nothing is wrong with sex, or talking about it, and there are many occasions where i have no problems talking about it at all, but i think it's more like when it surprises me in a song or a movie that it kind of SHOCKS me into this horrible feeling i talked about. or perhaps it has more to do with the jealousy side of it when my boyfriend is involved (which would be awful, as well.. blah).
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sadpanda13 wrote:I think that having a trauma history and BPD together makes things like this REALLLY touchy and I relate to a certain extent. I have a similar history and I either go into unhealthy sexual overdrive with things like that or I fly to the opposite end of the spectrum and have a reaction similar to the one you described.

this sounds really accurate for me, now that i think about it. it is a really touchy subject, and i do sometimes get like that as well. i think the reaction i described might just be a little more common for me than the opposite end of the spectrum, i suppose.

Any discussion of sexual promiscuity triggers me easily. I flip out and want to cut myself, kill myself, end my relationship, cut my penis off (I have actually thought about that), etc.

trexmeyer wrote:Any discussion of sexual promiscuity triggers me easily. I flip out and want to cut myself, kill myself, end my relationship, cut my penis off (I have actually thought about that), etc.

I understand, I've felt that way too. Especially when people bring up (or songs are about) things like the sex industry, etc... It can make me want to end my relationship too, or at the worst want to kill myself. It's so horrible ): I'm sorry that you feel that way as well