Having problem with working life.. Is it only me?

I was diagnosed with BPD a while ago and I have a lot of problem with my working life. Everything was okay at first. But after a while I started not to be able to do my tasks at work and at some point I started to skip my work very often... Just staying home. Not even answering phone calls from my work asking me where I am and why I'm not coming.... Now my work contract has ended. I got an email that I need to come to extend my contract. But I couldn't go there because I don't want to face my workmates and bosses. It's embarrassing that I just disappeared from work and ruined the project I was in. I've been getting some help and now I'm much better than before. But I don't dare to go back to work. Probably they don't want me back anyway... But I'm having money problem and Regretting a lot about my behavior. I'm even thinking to email my boss and tell him that I had this health issue and maybe.. he will understand and have me back for at least small project... I don't know what to do. Is this kind of behavior also from BPD? Or is it just me? I always ruin my life with this same behavior... maybe it's just me and I'm that ###$ up....

You can do a simple email to ask if you still have the job. You can get a friend to read the response to you and have the friend stay the night with you on the couch as a comfort and to watch over you to make sure that you don't have a really bad epsidode.

Can you transfer or look for another job?

I am sorry that this happened to you and I understand how you feel?

That does sound difficult. I'm not sure that this is necessarily a BPD related thing, but I can definitely relate to doing similar things. Often I will set myself up to be this "perfect" person and then I just can't do it anymore and I drop everything, feel like a terrible person and then just never go back which feeds into the shame and negative thinking that IS BPD related.