Stress of College and BPD - Desperately need advice

Hello everyone. I am really in need of some help and advice. I have BPD and no family support. I live alone and I am 29 years old. My boyfriend lives in another country and I have no support from him either. It feels like he doesn't understand my situation at all... he lives at home with his parents and is completely supported by them. He is pursuing a "hobby" profession and seems to always have his head in the clouds and does not understand my situation.

I was forced into a career I hated at the age of 17 and forced to move out on my own at 18 and have been supporting myself ever since. I decided to go to college and now I'm in student loan debt and I am so panicked. I have about one year left to graduate and I feel hopeless because I just hear that many graduates cannot find jobs and if they do, they are jobs that didn't require a college degree to begin with. I am terrified of my future and feeling very hopeless. I wanted to be a teacher, but now my hopes and dreams feel dashed and I'm consider dropping out because I can't afford to go to school and pay my bills. I am already barely getting by as it is and have no support to speak of.

I wish I had never gone to college. As a borderline, I have changed my mind many times about what I should major in. Sometimes I see someone who appears to be happy and has it together... and I think to myself, "Maybe I should do what she does for a living." A couple weeks ago, I saw a girl in scrubs in my apartment complex who was happily walking to the mailbox to get her mail with her dog. I thought, "she must be a nurse... I should change to nursing."

SO then I researched nursing up and down, left and right... and many nurses have negative things to say about the profession. I am just so confused. it feels I will never find the right career for me and that I will always be poor, broke and struggling! And I have no idea how I will pay off these loans. I was going to get a BA in English or Communications, but now I feel completely opposed to either of those because they won't land me a good paying job, so what's the point? It all feels like one huge scam and I hate that I bought into the lie!

I don't know what is wrong with me, but now I am on a downward spiral. I keep researching and googling things and I can't stop! it's very OCD-ish but infused with all my borderline crap.

I need some help.. I just don't know where to turn. Please, can someone offer advice or tell me they can relate? I just don't know what to do anymore! Schools feels too stressful for me... and if I wait a semester, it's not going to help because I will just continue on with my obsessive compulsive researching of different careers. I want to be done with this degree. I have an associates (not that it matters), but I wanted to be done with school definitely by 30! I hate the fact that I'm that close to 30.

Welcome.

Sounds like you're under a lot right now. Littlearcher beat me to it, but I was going to ask you about any interests or hobbies as well! It can be anything and everything.
I know some people are guilty of this, but please try to not set time frames for yourself. I know you wanted to be done with school by 30, but things in life happen and you shouldn't hold that against yourself. When your time comes (which it will), it'll happen when it's ready, I promise.

Well, I am 24 credits away from having a BA in English.

I went into college in hopes of becoming a speech pathologist. That's not going to happen now with grad school loan rates recently having changed. And the programs for SLP are very competitive.

I thought about being an art teacher and getting a certification after I graduate... in either art or just K-8.

My only real passions are animals and art. Nothing else really. I do enjoy reading and writing, but I already work in writing and don't really want to do this the rest of my life.

I thought about going back to a community college to pursue nursing, but that's definitely not something I see myself feeling passionate about. I'd probably enjoy working in the nursery, but not with adults.

You said you're considering nursing and you like animals. How about working in a vet office, perhaps as a vet assistant? You can find quite a few collages that teach it. How does that sound?

If you enjoy kids, than teaching art may be a good path for you too.

Also, don't feel that you have to rush this. There's no reason to force yourself to like something soon. It will happen, and we'll help as best we can.

I do love animals more than anything, but I am extremely sensitive to seeing them under stress. I tried working in a vet's office once. On my first day, I had to call owners and tell them their pets' cremated remains were ready to be picked up. There was also a puppy in that day who had parvo and he came from a pet shop - most likely a puppy mill puppy.

It breaks my heart. I literally hurt physically when I see stuff like this. I want to change the world for animals, but I'm just one small person and I feel powerless. I'm not really cut out for working in a vet's office. I don't like and oppose certain things that many vets do - like declawing cats and clipping ears and tails on certain breeds of dogs.

I'm a mess and a complicated person.

Exactly!

It's ok, I understand how painful it can be. I started volunteer work at a vets, so I can understand seeing them under stress being painful. It can really hurt me at times too. Is there a specific type of animal you wish to work with? Perhaps we can start there then! Don't worry, you aren't a mess, a lot of people don't know what they want to do. But we'll sort this out, no matter how long it takes

I realize this is off topic, but I'm really interested. Why do you not like cats being declawed? (I do agree with the tails/ears thing though. I hate horses tails being docked as well).

It is not like a nail clipping. The process removes living flesh, like if someone ripped your toenails and fingernails out, and ensured they removed enough flesh that they wouldn't try to grow back.

That is one, secondly that is their defense mechanism and is not right to remove it. What if they get out and can't defend themselves? Totally wrong to declaw.

I agree with you completely. It was always a topic I was back and forth on, and since I want to be a vet I'm interested in peoples opinions on these things. Thank you (sorry for the topic change!)

yeah, if you do a google search on declawing, you'll see that it's a cruel and inhumane practice.

just wanted to jump in to say that