Conflicted with how to manage my BPD

The past few days had been REALLY crappy for me. I felt very helpless on how to manage my emotions. Worst part is i felt so STUCK in those bad emotions. I could not snap out of it. If i did calm down, the emotions would later spike back up. I know its because I have a lot of health issues I'm trying to deal with - dental work and then a neck issue. The other day, I lost it because my primary care doctor is sending me in a huge circle. I purposely went to see her instead of more specialist because i was discharged from physical therapy because it was not helping me. i told her that in the beginning of the appointment. she gave me an MRI on my shoulder although i said it was in the neck and that turned out fine and her recommendation was to do physical therapy. ...WHAT?! thats why i went to you ! that wasn't working! her reason: MAYBE i was seeing a physical therapist that wasn't good enough. ....? The PT i saw was recommended by a prestigious shoulder specialist. Im VERY depressed about my neck issue its limiting me from a lot of things and I can't seem to find a way out of it. Its preventing me from jogging which has been the MOST helpful thing with managing my emotions.

The other day, i got to the point where i said "FINE give me antidepressants!!!"

but i realize i do this when i feel like I've emotionally hit rock bottom. then ill take them for 1 to 4 days and stop because of unwanted side effects.

i really DONT want medicine but i feel like its the only thing i can do to manage my emotions. i am so conflicted. i don't want them but i feel like i should be on them and the more I'm not on them the more I'm ruining relationships.

I'm just really lost.

cute kitten hug overload!!!!

i'm so sorry hon i had an emergency therapy appt this morning to up my dosage on my antidepressants and got some ativan to calm me the FORK down as i've been in a shame spiral lately.

i promised my therapist i would do 2 things to myself a week that make me 'center'...so this week it's the gym to work out my aggression and pump up my endorphins and a massage for relaxation. do you have 2 things you can commit to that are specifically for you??

wineaux wrote:cute kitten hug overload!!!!

i'm so sorry hon i had an emergency therapy appt this morning to up my dosage on my antidepressants and got some ativan to calm me the FORK down as i've been in a shame spiral lately.

i promised my therapist i would do 2 things to myself a week that make me 'center'...so this week it's the gym to work out my aggression and pump up my endorphins and a massage for relaxation. do you have 2 things you can commit to that are specifically for you??

hmm great question. well i can commit to cleaning my room tomorrow. its driving me nuts and kind of stressing me out how messy its getting to be.

...not sure what the other thing is that i can commit to.

i started taking effexor yesterday. i caved in to taking pills. but its making me so drowsy and I'm already like eff this and thinking of not continuing it since it'll only be two days in my system.

i honestly feel like there are a few other options i can try out BEFORE i say okay, this isn't working, i guess i really DO need pills. but those will take a lot of commitment and work that i haven't been motivated enough to do.

i do NOT drink soda but i do eat a lot of sugary things. my overall diet is horrible. i stay inside a lot and lay around which...doesnt help with my neck and shoulder. i basically feel like my neck and shoulder needs the biggest stretch in the world and the stretches i seem to do aren't BIG enough. lol.

my drug IS running. that IS my antidepressant. and i can't seem to do that. never really thought of a back up plan and now i need one.

i really should try to change up my diet but I've found my energy is drained. someone either on here or on fb mentioned vitamin b-12. i also have been told by my doc I'm deficient in vitamin D. i take try to take them on a regular basis but i forget. I'm trying though.

i really think I'm not gona continue on effexor. but I'm gona keep the bottle pills around in case i change my mind. really is a battle!

oh also, i tried getting Pristiq from my doctor but she said she never gives that one out to patients. there are only a few she gives out and out of them, i just decided to try out effexor again. she wants me to find a psychiatrist

littlearcher wrote:also, i know i always say the same thing but it's only because it's what has made the most significant difference in my life...

were you able to find any online resources for mindfulness meditation?

it can help with your moods but it also can help with the chronic pain you are experiencing.

Littlearcher:

I have not. my boyfriend also keeps stressing that I do that too. i guess i get agitated even thinking of meditation. it seems too hard to do so i don't even try.

hmm great question. well i can commit to cleaning my room tomorrow. its driving me nuts and kind of stressing me out how messy its getting to be.

me too!!!

...not sure what the other thing is that i can commit to.

i started taking effexor yesterday. i caved in to taking pills. but its making me so drowsy and I'm already like eff this and thinking of not continuing it since it'll only be two days in my system.

if it's making you sleepy, take it at bedtime instead of in the morning. from the NAMI site:

Sleep, energy, or appetite may show some improvement within the first 1-2 weeks. Improvement in these physical symptoms can be an important early signal that the medication is working. Depressed mood and lack of interest in activities may need up to 6-8 weeks to fully improve.

please please please give it some time! literally hon, if you feel anything before 4 weeks is up i'd be amazed. it takes awhile to really start working. be patient oh! and i have sexual side effects on this as well.

i do NOT drink soda but i do eat a lot of sugary things. my overall diet is horrible. i stay inside a lot and lay around which...doesnt help with my neck and shoulder. i basically feel like my neck and shoulder needs the biggest stretch in the world and the stretches i seem to do aren't BIG enough. lol.

have you tried reflexology? cheaper than a massage...

my drug IS running. that IS my antidepressant. and i can't seem to do that. never really thought of a back up plan and now i need one.

why did you stop??

i really should try to change up my diet but I've found my energy is drained. someone either on here or on fb mentioned vitamin b-12. i also have been told by my doc I'm deficient in vitamin D. i take try to take them on a regular basis but i forget. I'm trying though.

i set a damned alarm on my phone. for realz.

oh also, i tried getting Pristiq from my doctor but she said she never gives that one out to patients. there are only a few she gives out and out of them, i just decided to try out effexor again. she wants me to find a psychiatrist

wtf? i wonder why? pristiq is a derivative of effexor. weeeeiiiirrrrddddd. are you going to find one?

wineaux wrote:

hmm great question. well i can commit to cleaning my room tomorrow. its driving me nuts and kind of stressing me out how messy its getting to be.

me too!!!

...not sure what the other thing is that i can commit to.

i started taking effexor yesterday. i caved in to taking pills. but its making me so drowsy and I'm already like eff this and thinking of not continuing it since it'll only be two days in my system.

if it's making you sleepy, take it at bedtime instead of in the morning. from the NAMI site:

Sleep, energy, or appetite may show some improvement within the first 1-2 weeks. Improvement in these physical symptoms can be an important early signal that the medication is working. Depressed mood and lack of interest in activities may need up to 6-8 weeks to fully improve.

please please please give it some time! literally hon, if you feel anything before 4 weeks is up i'd be amazed. it takes awhile to really start working. be patient oh! and i have sexual side effects on this as well.

i do NOT drink soda but i do eat a lot of sugary things. my overall diet is horrible. i stay inside a lot and lay around which...doesnt help with my neck and shoulder. i basically feel like my neck and shoulder needs the biggest stretch in the world and the stretches i seem to do aren't BIG enough. lol.

have you tried reflexology? cheaper than a massage...

my drug IS running. that IS my antidepressant. and i can't seem to do that. never really thought of a back up plan and now i need one.

why did you stop??

i really should try to change up my diet but I've found my energy is drained. someone either on here or on fb mentioned vitamin b-12. i also have been told by my doc I'm deficient in vitamin D. i take try to take them on a regular basis but i forget. I'm trying though.

i set a damned alarm on my phone. for realz.

oh also, i tried getting Pristiq from my doctor but she said she never gives that one out to patients. there are only a few she gives out and out of them, i just decided to try out effexor again. she wants me to find a psychiatrist

wtf? i wonder why? pristiq is a derivative of effexor. weeeeiiiirrrrddddd. are you going to find one?

I'm definitely going to search for a psychiatrist. omg id takes that long 6 to 8 weeks for the depression to start lifting????! you get sexual side effects too? how are you dealing with that? idk if i can! thing is i did take the pill this morning and thats when i usually sleep. i work overnight shifts so i usually pass out around 9 am. but I've been off the past few days so I've been sleeping irregularly. i can't jog because of my stupid neck and shoulder. when i jog i seem to shrug my shoulders. i jogged one time for three days straight cause i said eff my body problems and i felt all this burning and stiffness it was awful lots of pain. so i can't do it anytime soon.

i think its just cause she never persribed pristiq even though its an SNRI too. she just doesn't feel comfy i guess?

whats reflexology? never heard of it?

also again to Littlearcher: i feel like a total jerk for not listening to your advice. its like I'm ignoring it and i don't want you to think that. i guess I'm just too antsy to try and sit still and meditate.

Reflexology is an ancient Chinese technique that uses pressure-point massage (usually on the feet, but also on the hands and ears) to restore the flow of energy throughout the entire body. Reflexology is based on the belief that each part of the body is interconnected through the nervous system to the hands and feet. Stimulating specific reflex points in the feet can bring needed nutrients to poorly functioning areas of the body. This can help restore balance throughout the body.

According to reflexology by applying pressure to a specific part (the foot is broken up into different point which if stimulated correctly directly correlate to another body system or organ) the body will naturally begin to heal itself. Reflexology has also been called "Zone therapy"

it's like $25/50min - totally worth a shot!

i have NO sexual side effects on effexor/pristiq.

wineaux wrote:

Reflexology is an ancient Chinese technique that uses pressure-point massage (usually on the feet, but also on the hands and ears) to restore the flow of energy throughout the entire body. Reflexology is based on the belief that each part of the body is interconnected through the nervous system to the hands and feet. Stimulating specific reflex points in the feet can bring needed nutrients to poorly functioning areas of the body. This can help restore balance throughout the body.

According to reflexology by applying pressure to a specific part (the foot is broken up into different point which if stimulated correctly directly correlate to another body system or organ) the body will naturally begin to heal itself. Reflexology has also been called "Zone therapy"

it's like $25/50min - totally worth a shot!

i have NO sexual side effects on effexor/pristiq.

have u tried reflexology before

yes! and i love it. they just opened a new salon in my hood and i'm dying to go over tomorrow. the only thing is that i'm uber ticklish in my feet so i have to really concentrate. the last time i went i drooled.

littlearcher wrote:don't feel like a jerk...just remember it's an option.

i'm not saying it's easy, but i am saying that it's THE single most worthwhile thing i've ever done for myself.

i get more out of the small window of time per day that i dedicate to meditation than i've gotten out of everything else i've tried in my lifetime combined.

Littlearcher: I know you aren't on medication but have you ever tried it?