I Think I Have BPD

Hello everyone. I'm a new member. I'm 23 and I always think that something's wrong me.

Recently, I've read an article about BPD and I think I may have it. There are some reasons why I think I might have BPD such as;

- BLACK AND WHITE THINKING

I have it, especially in my relationships with the other sex. For example, I always idolize the women I like at the beginning of my interactions with them but I end up demonizing them and so of course losing them. I never consider them as human beings who may have their ups and downs.

- INTENSE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT

Even when I have an healthy relationship with a person - which are very rare for me to have - I always think about the possible unhappy endings like they may find another person to replace me. ( Always the irrelevant people behind me who even have no idea about my relationship. )

- FEELING EMPTY

I guess I'm nothing. I don't have a real personality. There are no hallmarks to describe me. I think I'm living for nothing. Nothing really attracts me. I don't know what to do with myself.

- BEING PRONE TO ALCOHOL ABUSE

There are times when all I want to do is drinking myself to death. These times are the ones in which I find nothing worth liking, but drinking.

- THREATENING MY FAMILY WITH COMMITTING SUICIDE

I always do it for making them care about me but there are times when I really consider doing it.

- PARANOIA

It's been with me for years and years and it distracts my from having stable relationships. I always think that the women I like will find another partner instead of me . ( I always think they'll end up being partners with a person I know and that person doesn't even know the girl I talk to. It both damages my relationship with the girls and that men I suspect )

- BEING EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE

In the morning I scream at my sister for nothing. In the afternoon, I try to make her forgive me. In the evening I curse her because she doesn't forgive me. In the night, I go and cry to her for being an unstable person.

you remind me of myself a few months

bpd is a serious challenge, dont take it lightly

google search bpd, shame and guilt..that should help you realize the intensity of challenge

whenever i'd read about bpd, many times i switched to 1(mania/hyper happy) state and thought i could handle it

i'd say, release the emotions inside you. i would keep my emotions within me. thought it was the weak who talk of their problems in life. but releasing the emotions helps very much. let it out, either on this forum or pm a friend, or speak with a friend or write a journal

many times i had negative thoughts towards my loved ones and would feel guilty of having those emotions, let it out. write to yourself, read your journals. that helped me understand myself

i would get bored very easily but then i remembered the purpose of writing journal, to understand myself and get rid of the mood swings.

express yourself, dont keep the challenges in your life, to yourself. it will store at the back of your mind and then one day boom explode

keep posting here, or writing in a journal and reading it. it helped me a lot, give it a try

"Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy."
"You are what you think you are."
"You can be happy if you stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"Faith in God can cure any sadness."

Take your pick, there's a lot more impertinent crap where that came from. People think that saying this #######4 will help, but nothing bright and encouraging that anyone can say will matter to you right now. Just accept their words with understanding... you probably wouldn't know what to say or do either.

Realistically, if you have BPD, or any other personality or mood disorder, you're in for a lot of work. You've made it this far, so you must know by now that you're built to weather the storms. If you haven't sought professional help, I implore you to find a really GOOD doctor before you find yourself in crisis and at the mercy of some Schtick who doesn't know you from Adam but will not hesitate to assume what the problem is and give you all kinds of pills that could potentially send you spiraling farther down the rabbit hole!!! Learn as much as you can on your own and take your information from objective sources.

I am not someone who can promise you a good outcome, because I am still searching for that myself. I feel like I will ALWAYS run through life peering into every shadow, looking over my shoulder at every turn, and wondering why I'm always so empty inside. But the fact is that I'm still here and I know you can do it too, just keep trying and know that you always have a choice. Find a reason to stay strong.

wow! you're incredibly self-aware! have you considered getting a formal diagnosis? all of the arrows are pointing to a cluster b disorder, but we have to leave that up to the people with fancy degrees framed on their office walls.

welcome to the forum moltisanti! we look forward to have you around

I agree with Wineaux. Sounds like BPD but I aint no shrink. Please see someone with a chain of letters after their name and talk to them. You will find that just talking about it helps. Come here often-this is a very supportive community. I feel blessed to have found it. There are a lot of freakin AWESOME people on here that are always here for you if you need them!

wineaux wrote:wow! you're incredibly self-aware! have you considered getting a formal diagnosis? all of the arrows are pointing to a cluster b disorder, but we have to leave that up to the people with fancy degrees framed on their office walls.

welcome to the forum moltisanti! we look forward to have you around

I'm really really happy now after seeing your post. Thanks. I hope I'll have great times here.

I'm self-aware because for 3 or 4 years I can't control my life and I've stopped fitting with the people around me. I've cut my ties with people, I've gained weigh, I've gotten used to alcohol.


I saw a therapist a week ago and she also had the recordings of my previous threapies with other doctors. She told me that she didn't want to diagnose me with a disorder in our first session but she also told me that I seem to have obsessions and psychosis.

-- Tue Aug 06, 2013 4:04 am --

Btw, I wanna thank to all posters here. I'm very happy to read your posts. I try to make things better for me. Sometimes I think that being a person who have problems is far more noble than being a conformist and it makes me feel happy and valuable.