Not capable of love

I have come to the conclusion that i cannot feel love. I don't want to be like this. Other people feel love too, i just cannot. I hope every year that it is going to happen, it just doesn't happen. I hope every year that i will finally meet a girl whom i can trust.

Please tell me how people do it. I mean, fall in love. I am lost.
I am incapable of loving and therefore feel very bad about myself. I am a monster. I wish i could love people and do things because of love. I just can't. I can't. I cannot do things because i love someone. Just because i like someone. I wish i would be able to. Please tell me how.

TRUST. I was just mentioning this in another post. I have waited for someone to trust me for 5 years. 2 together and 3 apart.

He still won't communicate directly and believe me. He has pushed me away in every way possible.

I feel borderline/ nons have the same dynamic. You paint us black but you always paint us white again. You just have to ride out those times of blackness and trust us that we still adore you and are going nowhere.
Borderlines just keep changing the actors in the play. No one is perfect. Not me, not the next one and next one. You just pick a person to love and go for it and stick with it.

After the honeymoon is over, with trust and actions the lust can turn to love. It is hard work but it is up to you.

I don't know you, so I'll do the next best thing and project myself into your situation.

I think that love is our natural state, but that assumes we've properly experienced our natural development in early life.

Absent development of healthy attachment, we're stuck with unhealthy attachment instead of healthy love. If we address attachment then we don't need to learn to love, we just discover it within ourselves. A "Dorothy and the Ruby Slippers" moment.

So my counsel is to learn about attachment, and love will take care of itself when we're ready.

I mean i am capable of obsession, but i am no capable of showing feelings, i am not capable of loving someone for who they are.

I am unable to feel anything beyond lust. But i don't want to just have sex because then i feel like i would be using the woman / girl for my own egoistical desires and nothing more. I don't want to sexually abuse a girl or woman. I would die of shame. I don't want to even think of sex because women would never want me, so i would just abuse them by having sex with a woman.

I am a monster. I don't even know what women want. I can never be the guy who they want. I am too short i hate myself for being this way.

I am simply a monster. I want to love women for who they are, not lust for them because they are hot / cute / whatever.

This is the reason i am still a virgin. I don't want to have sex until marriage. But as it seems i will never get married.

EDIT: Scratch that, i am not worthy of having sex. Sex is something nice, and i am not allowed to have something nice. I am unworthy. I am unworthy. I hate myself.

What if you replaced the word "obsession" with "attached" and pursued that for insight?

Your negative self messages are unfortunate. I'm sorry you feel the need to express that. We are all naturally capable of love, worthy of being loved, and will be loved as we're able. I do not believe you are an exception.

My head does strange things to me sometimes. It's really scary.

@thejan-

My head does the same, strange things to me sometimes as well. One thing I have noticed, however, is that if I wait it out, those feelings will go away. I have also learned not to a) drink alcohol any longer, as it triggers such emotions; and b) not to self-medicate with alcohol as it only makes the feelings stronger and more pervasive.

Just my 2¢

I don't drink alcohol anymore for the same reasons...

my girlfriend has BPD, I love her so much and tho there are times when i would love to walk away, i remember its the disorder we are trying to fight and I cant let it win. The girl I love is amazing really she is. She has her moments, which i constantly try to remind myself is her BPD. I noticed someone said BPD paint ppl black or white. Well my gf does this. I have noticed it. and lately (times of stress) ive noticed that she paints me the evil one often, I try to ride it out, hoping its just the disorder, can someone give me tips on this please. As a BPD... Please I want to understand her better. I want to help her. I do please help me