Borderline personality disorder and breaking up

Please help me. I have borderline personality disorder and can cope normally when I have a partner. I have not been single for the last 11 years ( Im 33). Not a day, even I have had three different partners during that period. Everytime I have felt that my relationsip was ending I had made sure I'd had an other partner to live with. Actually I have never lived alone.
My current relationship is coming to end and I have no 'safe'-nest to go to. I am living 1000miles away from my family and friends. I have no friends here at all. Only my cat, which I'd lose too.
Everytime my boyfriend tries softly to break up with me I loose it. I cut myself and have severe panic attacts. I am ever so affraid I will end up my life when having those terrifying 1-2 hour attacts. I have previously tried kill myself. But when I am calm I would never hurt myself. I really don't want to die if/when my relationship ends. How can I survive? I know I'm not the only one with this terrifying, annoying and killing disoerder! If you have BPD please tell me how you coped when facing the world alone?

I looove being alone; I'm your girl. When I'm alone, friends flood into my life, first a trickle, then a deluge. Of course, I'm not picky. I make friends with anyone who'll have me. Eventually I can't move without bumping into a friend, and I have to unplug my phone to get any sleep. It's great. So:

1. Immediately call your closest friends and tell them everything. Cry, tear your hair out, complain. Explain that you will be calling them on a rotational basis until you are sane again. They'll laugh. Then they'll find out you're serious.

2. Apologize to the boyfriend and say: Ten minutes grace please, while I get ready for this. Then run, do not walk, to a therapist or crisis center and demand help for your panic attacks. Do not tell them you are suicidal or self-injuring unless you think that's getting way out of hand and you're ready to be admitted. A short course of medication is a useful thing. Helps you smile while you pack his car. Makes it so much more enjoyable to torch the stuff he forgot to take with him....

3. Enroll in a class of some kind -- doesn't matter what. Tae Kwan Doe, quillting, Swahili -- something that gets you out of the house and around other people.

4. Do I need to add -- Sleep. Eat. Exercise.

5. Why the F*k does he get the cat? Well, just like men, there's lots of cats in the world. Get yourself another cat. If you're not in a responsible frame of mind, get a stuffed bear. Worked for me.

6. Get a library card. Get every book they've got on self-help, self-esteem, obsessive love. Make notes. Cry. Grieve. We will be grieving now (yes, those of you who have stock in tissue companies are in luck).

7. Are you financially independent? When he goes are you losing your apartment, etc.? If possible, now's an opportunity to move to an area you'd like better (i.e. closer to your friends and family, if you want). But don't do that if you have any sort of functioning life at all in this area. We're trying to maintain and move forward from here, not fall back. But we'll fall back strategically if we have to...

8. Write letters to everyone you know. Enclose pictures, poems, funny drawings. Be yourself.

9. Start a journal.

10. You'll probably be alone for all of ten minutes. It's going to be rough, but you can make it. You didn't survive those past break-ups because you had another guy to go to. It just looked that way. You survived because deep down, you have the strength to let someone you love go and still love them. And that's okay. Women lose husbands, they lose lovers, they get divorced. The carnage is breathtaking. You are not alone. We survive. And so will you.

Dearest Alethiea,
Thank you so so much for your lovely and same time interesting reply. I wish I'd friends like you! Can I ask if you have BPD yourself? Kitti

Yes, unfortunately, I not only have bpd, I've also acquired those so-handy panic attacks. When I have to, I use all the support systems available to me -- friends, family, crisis lines, medication -- and I try to remember when I'm feeling my worst that every step forward is a step toward something better. I can't urge you strongly enough to get some help for your panic attacks; I think that is the first thing you need to address.

To be honest, some of my absolute fondest memories are of times when I wasn't living with someone. I used to sit up watching late movies with my cat, eating popcorn. Is it possible it's not the aloneness so much as the change that you're having issues with, perhaps?