It's the intensity stupid

It's the intensity.

The feelings hit with such force that we're faced with a choice of accepting the burden of being smashed by a fleeting association of a negative experience, or letting inner defenses kick in and dull us by dissociation, denial, drugs, or hiding out.

What is the solution?

I agree with everything you said. Every last part.
However as for a solution?

I have no f-ing idea.

Try and fight through it?
Ha, that's easier said than done.

Ugh, I really have no clue

Move on, what other solution is there dude?

PinchOfSanity wrote:Move on, what other solution is there dude?

To heal

I'll own the trigger that causes. A repeat of "quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about" that was the theme of my early life.

I'm philosophically deeply opposed to the "man up" solution to intense emotions. I'm determined to live the life with the mind I was born with and honor the emotions it has.

centerpath wrote: PinchOfSanity wrote:Move on, what other solution is there dude?



To heal

I'll own the trigger that causes. A repeat of "quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about" that was the theme of my early life.

I'm philosophically deeply opposed to the "man up" solution to intense emotions. I'm determined to live the life with the mind I was born with and honor the emotions it has.

I really like the way you said this. And honestly, "man up' really isn't possible when it comes to the pain. It's too much.
That's a great way to try to learn to live. And I believe that it's better than feeling nothing at all.

i've cried oceans of tears for the last few weeks...my father told me to 'lighten up' - there's my trigger. 'man up' sounds to be the exact same thing. i think i'd clock someone if they told me that. heal? yes. how? don't know yet.

centerpath wrote:I'm determined to live the life with the mind I was born with and honor the emotions it has.

I love this, so well put!

wineaux wrote:i've cried oceans of tears for the last few weeks...my father told me to 'lighten up' - there's my trigger. 'man up' sounds to be the exact same thing. i think i'd clock someone if they told me that. heal? yes. how? don't know yet.

I think sometimes it's well meant, but it's still invalidating.

I spoke with my daughter today, she seems to have the intensity of emotion that is foundation for BPD kind of issues, but so far at 19 she's been acquiring tools to cope at a fast enough rate to stay ahead of a downward spiral.

Our discussion was about validation. Is it normal in the general population to find validation offered in interactions. She says yes, it's normal. I've found the answer to be "no", I seldom find people around me validating. That gives some credence to my thought that I still am drawn to or find myself next to people who for whatever reason don't.

An alternative view is that we need extra validation and wear out those near us.

Regardless, needs are needs. Just because another person doesn't relate doesn't mean they're not real or legitimate. Young people have different needs than adults, BPD people have different needs than nons. If you're crying then you're probably sad, that's real and the healing starts by validating that.

I'm still drawn to the idea of a community for BPD people; designed to teach and learn to meet each others needs and have our needs met. It just makes sense to me. It feels like each of us are trying to create that community around us through family, relationships, whatever. It seems to me that a half dozen BPD people could create a master plan to identify the range of needs BPD's are likely to have and craft a society structure to help meet them. It'd be crazy, but many of our lives already are that.

I'm sorry you're struggling wineax. I wonder about the season. A lot of us seem to have seasonal stuff, whether bipolar or SAD going on.

So in the workbook Stop Walking on Eggshells, there's a quote that's used that says with BPD's, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You can't tell us to "man up" but you can't ignore it. This is why we have therapists. You can't just "get over things" 123. You can't "suck it up". If things are bottled up, once released, it'll cause a crap loads of problems. I think you should be patient and take a step back when you're feeling overwhelmed. I don't know about everyone else but I've gotten to a point where I can sometimes feel like I'm getting angry beyond control so I have to take a breather. For me, that is my coping mechanism. That and thinking about my children although sometimes when I think about my children it leads to suicidal thoughts but anyway if the man up theory doesn't work then keep on trying and find what does and stick with it.

BPD is a serious CHRONIC illness.
You will experience the symptoms of it... periodically...
how to manage them in a healthy manner...

It makes sense to try to do what Nathaniel Branden suggested
in his "The Disowned Self" more than 40 years ago -
"Sit still and feel your feelings, and they'll stop pestering you."
For people who suffer from BPD it is difficult to do...
appropriate medication and therapy help...