It's the intensity stupid

ButHeartOfAnAngel wrote:BPD is a serious CHRONIC illness.

It sure is today. Hit the ######6 wall. I have no idea why. Maybe bipolar stuff from spring coming.

always looks like ppl here are fighting feeling
it's problebe more healthy to except them
express them (annyway you can)
talk about them
take a breather and be allone for a bit the intensety goes down
if you can get away for the stress of daily life a bit
just spend some time in a room with nog light no noise no distractions every day for lets say 1houre
(or do some meditation)
long walks to clear your head
etc

I've realized that thinking about an event that has been very close helps. As in i think i think about my father when he had passed away and the intensity fades to a certain extent. or if i'm mega sad and alone, i let myself be mega sad and alone for some time. i time it and then wash my face. this doesnt work well though.

but i do have some thoughts in reserve which i use whenever i get a mood swing.

centerpath wrote:It's the intensity.

The feelings hit with such force that we're faced with a choice of accepting the burden of being smashed by a fleeting association of a negative experience, or letting inner defenses kick in and dull us by dissociation, denial, drugs, or hiding out.

What is the solution?

Unfortunately, I'm still trying to get ideas that work for me with my therapist. The only thing I know is either going into the woods and smacking the hell out of trees with branches, slowly trying to get myself to stop ruminating alone in my apartment selfisolating, and dissociation. My brain picks ruminating alone in my apartment selfisolating without the desire to stop, dissociation, and having to smash things against trees all too quickly though.

It's a sure hell of a lot better than ending up with a criminal record though. I've dodged that bullet so many times. The number of people who've wronged me that I've wanted to get revenge on, they'd reappear in my mind periodically whenever things seemed to go wrong, they'd return to mind and make things in my mind all the worse.

It's hard to do positive selftalk and try to calm yourself down when you feel the intense rage we do.

One of my oldest friends told me to "man up" a while back, it irritated me too.. Like "man up and move on".. Face the dilemma..

i've been guilty of saying something like that
(grow a pair)

I think males with BPD traits have a special issue on this front. I see the validity of the role of the male as less emotionally literate members of the 'tribe' in our recent history. Even 100 years ago women tended to keep the home and raise children while men were out in the world more active in broader society. I also feel these roles have lost much of their relevance in modern society and we have far to go in correcting this.

My world fell apart about 18 months ago and I spent most of a year by myself consumed with tears that I could not stop. The isolation that I experienced as those who had been close to me abandoned me was stunning. If I had been a woman I believe there would have been an outpouring of support from other women to nurture and protect while I healed, instead I felt isolated by those that seemed to be embarrassed for me,

For me the outcome was to turn to myself for validation of my experience because outside validation completely evaporated. I'm certain that this occurred largely because of persistent cultural gender stereotyping that insisted I could not function as a person whose chief experience of self was emotional and still be a man. The 'nothing left to lose' aspect of it allowed me to move beyond it but the price remains great, the loss of 99% of my relationships.

I think the price of the invalidation inherent in these messages remains great. I actually sat at a gathering while two 'alpha male' types discussed me as if I weren't sitting next to them. Deciding whether I was homosexual or metrosexual because they found me so apparently unconcerned with stereotypical male posturing.

Do a quick internet search on "men who cry" and see the resounding majority of comments to the effect that "sensitive men are OK so long as their tears are brief and related to profound grief'. That's a pure arbitrary standard that baffles me and shows that attitudes on the subject are far behind women's gender equity movement, racial equity, GTLB rights, etc.

[quote=]It's hard to do positive selftalk and try to calm yourself down when you feel the intense rage we do.[/quote]

I think we could all be good therapists, just not for ourselves..

The major reason i have been sad and depressed is because i wanted to be accepted. When i see my office colleagues playing cards i feel jealous. I didnt want to end up alone, so at times i tried to play with them. But i hated that as well, when i play with them i dont enjoy. I just dont see any fun in laughing over a game of cards. and then when i dont play i feel like i'm all alone.

the problem, we're stuck with the wrong people. you can't have ducks and dogs hang out together.

jaus tail wrote:the problem, we're stuck with the wrong people. you can't have ducks and dogs hang out together.

I think that's fair. We can acquire skills to be more comfortable with people with other natures, but real acceptance seems to be a lot more natural among similarly sensitive people.

The dark side of that is we're often wounded, and those wounds can make us less than ideal at least before significant healing. It would be nice to see a future where sensitive types are diverted from traditional settings if needed.

Book suggestion somewhat on a tangent to this: An Anthropoligist from Mars

That book is how I came to be named "dave from mars" by a small circle i used to associate with.