my borderline friend

in high school i was close friends with a girl (as close as you can be to someone who fights with everything she has to stop you getting close), when we graduated i moved interstate and on the phone, finally, she told me she had bpd. she more or less immediately cut off contact from me, having imagined that i was "judging" her about it. i was one of only three or four people she'd ever told, all (but one) of whom were internet friends.

she always seemed kind of indifferent about our friendship and was always trying to cut off contact with all people from school as soon as we'd left, so i thought it was an excuse she'd made up in her head. but i met a friend of hers yesterday at a party (i'm back home, where she still lives) who said to me, "you and her used to be best friends right? she told me the story of what happened."
i'm just in awe that she described us as ever having been best friends, or that she acknowledged that there was any "story" to tell.
anyway, it's been like a year, she's virtually never on my mind, and i'll probably never know her. but i'm touched. and i was probably completely wrong about her and feel stupid for not just simply giving her space and letting her go on her way and still catching up once in a while last year, so ive ###$ it. i think she can only be friends with people who arent like herself -- who *dont* have ultimatums and all or nothings. of course i asked for all, for effort, for consistent contact, and of course she gave me nothing.
i don't know. as i said, she hadn't crossed my mind in months, but i still really wonder sometimes what's going on in her head, she was an incredible friend to have back in high school. everyone liked her. she just had no idea.

You're right, she probably had no idea anyone liked her.

I love or hate, I don't like anyone. I stay clear of close relationships to avoid hurt and abandonment. I have the last word , then it's over.

I had imagined abandonment, but some were real. The real is what made me who I am. Once I found myself. That
is the tricky part, finding your SELF.

This part has been ripped away at a young age. Paranoia sets in and the whole world hates me. Then I retaliate. Impulse control no longer matters. Consequences no longer apply to me. Self harm to punish myself for being what I am.

This is the mind of me, the bpd.

Truley she just wanted love.