resistance to change...

resistance to change? hell yeah. i usually. feel like i'm going to die... and instead of getting used to it, it just gets worse every time! like its more and more of an affirmation that life is just transient and meaningless. i guess what youre talking about is different though, my main terror is people changing. that kills me. i just cant accept it.
but do you adjust okay? i mean, can you see that a year after your marriage you'll be okay, it's just the actual act of moving, the actual change itself thatll freak you out -- or do you fundamentally have a problem with where you're moving and stuff itself? if it's just emotions, itll sort itself out. i mean, i know that sounds ridiculous to a borderline, but in the long term, things will probably be fine.

well-put, empty vessel.

As far as your question, I do end up adjusting okay. It takes FOREVER, though. Lots of pain and terror, like you said.

My entire senior year of high school and summer after, I fought going away to college, even though I only had to move 25 miles. I hyperventalated and bawled the entire day I left for college (in the same town, mind you!) and that entire night (and the entire week, for that matter!). I never really got used to it and didn't make any friends. I had an older boyfriend at the time, whom I used as a crutch (to avoid college) the entire 4 years and 3 more years (to avoid life) after that.

I can say I never really adjusted to that, but that's mostly because I used that boyfriend as a crutch.

I have adjusted to other things, such as starting graduate school when I was 32 years old. I cried and had panic attacks the entire summer before, but got used to it after a few months. I did literally want to kill myself the first 2 months of that graduate program, though.

I moved to San Francisco from San Diego for a job when I was 26. I hated it the entire time. I almost killed myself then, too.

So, in answer to your question, emptyvessel, in writing all of this, I realize that I sometimes do adjust, and sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I cannot do it without going completely crazy/shutting down/imploding.

I can understand your main terror of people changing. That is scary to me, too. It's our fear of abandonment. Don't even get me started on that.

Anyhow, thanks for "listening."

Hugs,
Mermaid

oops that was meant to be a reply to the marriage topic, not a topic of its own!!!!

wow -- that does sound severe and lasting, i don't know what to say. i force myself to change all the time. i guess im kind of the opposite, im afraid if i stay too long in a place i'll get too attached and die. although i cried so much last year about moving out of on-campus accommodation and into a share house - i was afraid things would change between me and boyfriend with the physical distance, and they did, he's gone now. thats what i mean - i stayed too long in the first place, i got too attached.
so, i can kind of relate to you. especially when i'm back home -- i want to stay here and avoid life forever and ever. sigh.
i hope your fiance/husband will help you through all of this and you can lean on him. i think its excellent that youve found someone dependable and supportive. all the best. =) xo