Why am I still desiring them?

Why, after finally losing certain people of out my life, why do I desire to the point of selfsacrifice to try to get them back into my life? Or want to?

Let's be clear, I'm not going to give in to my temptations to give selfdegrading apologies to people who have wronged me, who I have not wronged, just to get them back in my life. Though with my mother, and a few past friends, part of me still thinks about and wants to do it.

And I'm not going to buy my exroommates food because one wrongfully accused me because he thought I took his food on the way out, like part of me wants to, just to try to win him back into my life. I know that I need to break this cycle and have broken it, or at least I'm strongly trying to. I'm still in it in that I'm at risk of repeating by the mere fact that part of me thinks about doing it.

My psychologist gave me two suggestions. One might be that I'm addicted to them, which doesn't seem to make much sense. I was the same way towards Zach, then to just space away from him because I was still mad that he used me. She also suggested it was the desire to be loved and/or cared for, but neither of those really seem to match. Yes I desire these thing, but why would I seek it from them? They never loved nor cared for me, and it was always a platonic thing with them. My mom? Yeah, I can see it, but its a little different with my mom.

My thought originally when instead of my mom, I felt this way when I lost Josh out of my life, that it was because I used to have a crush on him, maybe part of that lingered? I accepted others degrading assessments of me, that I just needed to move on because I was obsessing over someone who was taken that I can't have romantically. Despite the reason I didn't ask him out when he was single was, that I really didn't want him romantically, just platonically as a friend. Now that its those same exfriends that said that I obsessed over him romantically, who I have never had an interest in, it seems hard to accept my original idea either. And I certainly never had a crush on my mom, so that possibly creates a problem too. Also, I always ask those out who I'm into, even if I don't crush on them, so that should've told me, hello! This can't be! In fact, I'm always too quick to try to get into relationships, yet 6 months into knowing him, despite him being single, I never once asked him out (Josh).

Do any of you guys understand any reasons why I or anyone might do this?

I really just don't know. It's just one of my toxicities I'm trying to understand so that I can better address it in a meaningful way. It's like understanding my anger has helped me to control it to the point where I no longer get violent, it just works that way for me. I wish I understood my being drawn to toxic and "broken" people.

Hi motionissue!


My first thought, which is something I oft think of myself is: do I want them because I really miss what they contribute to my life, or is it just that I want them because I can't have them? I'm one who never backs down to confrontation, so maybe I'm off here?


Just a thought :0).


Welcome to the venting space!


AMP

MissAli wrote:Hi motionissue!


My first thought, which is something I oft think of myself is: do I want them because I really miss what they contribute to my life, or is it just that I want them because I can't have them? I'm one who never backs down to confrontation, so maybe I'm off here?


Just a thought :0).


Welcome to the venting space!


AMP

I've been told that before. But these aren't people I'm into more than platonically though. Would that apply? And if it did, what might cause one to want what one can't have? That would make sense if it would work with just having people in my life as friends that I can't, but its hard to say. I probably could get them back in my life if I made the effort to, I know how, by getting them exactly what they want. I just know better.

Thank you for your input!

MissAli wrote:My first thought, which is something I oft think of myself is: do I want them because I really miss what they contribute to my life, or is it just that I want them because I can't have them?

oh NOES!!!! da truff!! *puts on earmuffs*

wineaux wrote:

MissAli wrote:My first thought, which is something I oft think of myself is: do I want them because I really miss what they contribute to my life, or is it just that I want them because I can't have them?

oh NOES!!!! da truff!! *puts on earmuffs*

Actually, I'm open to the trying to understand myself, which is why I ask. I know they say we're supposed to know ourselves the best, but that's just the thing, nobody knows me, not even me half the time.

As weird as it may sound, maybe it was like an addiction to have them in my life, maybe my wanting them back is like withdraw. I had someone else say masochism but idk... it ain't the bad stuff that draws me back in, it was the good times.