Go away, I want to see you!

Hi, I'm new here. Maybe I'll share my story at length another day, but right now I just want some honest advice.

My bf is a truck driver so I only get to see him once a month or so. He's coming in to town tomorrow (YAY), but hes super sick with the flu and promised to see his parents. They live an hour away from me. He really wants to see me, but feels like he physically can't drive out to me cause of his sickness. Plans changed, and we all know how much that freaks us out. I got defensive, felt abandoned, and basically told him to not bother to see me or call me until next time he's in town.

So...drive out to see him, right? Nope. No money for gas. I'm stuck (and clearly poor). So he says to co-ordinate with his mom to have her drive him out so we can all grab lunch and we can see each other. But my stubborn-ness is still yelling at him to f-off. If he's going to abandon me, why should I care?

Okay, logic brain says, he is sick. Give him a break. It won't kill you to hang out with him and his mom for once. And at least you will get to see him.

Long story short: What should I do? I KNOW the answer already. But the BPD in me is making me stubborn and childish as all get out. Advice please?

<3

Lot's of views with no responses. Hmm...rejected by my peers. I get it, but it sucks.

howdy! welcome to our sometimes quiet little nook here at PF.

and absolutely that is your BPD talking! you tell that BPD to shut it and go see your sick bf. i am a TOTAL baby when i am sick and all i want is for the ppl I love to be around me. you know he wants to see you and vice versa! get on that phone with his mom and go give him a big hug.

ladyserenity5 wrote:Lot's of views with no responses. Hmm...rejected by my peers. I get it, but it sucks.

Heh. I know the feeling. I've noticed that a lot on this forum. Oddly enough, the forums that do the best on here are the ones for people that HATE other people. You'd think with how social we can be it would be more supportive in here.

But I digress ...

I understand completely where you're coming from. That is most definitely something I would feel like if it were me, and like you, I wouldn't really know how to react. You already know I'm going to tell you that you should absolutely see him. You guys obviously don't spend enough time together, so take whatever opportunity you have to grow the relationship. I know you're probably thinking the worst case scenario here: that if he really *wanted* to see you, he'd have come up with a way to make this happen, or just pushed the sickness aside, etc. But, men can be babies, especially when they're sick. If you want to know how this guy will see it ... listen up:

You don't wanna make yourself seem like the psychos we are (lol) by telling him some crap like "I think you're abandoning me!", "I think you're faking this", or passing up the chance to see him on account of his unintentional sickness. If anything, you should probably take this opportunity to show how *much* you like/love him (assuming that you do, of course) to show some empathy (or sympathy, whatever works) by taking this opportunity to take care of him the best you can. Show a little love, ask if he wants you to make chicken soup (or just make it & bring it to him, whatever works), bring him some medicine, or do something he likes/enjoys.

Sometimes when we care abt someone we just have to push our wants and needs aside for them. He's technically the more unfortunate one here. Try not to over-analyze the situation, we tend to do that. I don't want you to feel like I'm invalidating your own feelings because I'm not. This is definitely something that I'm sure all of us would feel like (and I mean all women in general). Good luck!

ladyserenity5 wrote:So...drive out to see him, right? Nope. No money for gas. I'm stuck (and clearly poor). So he says to co-ordinate with his mom to have her drive him out so we can all grab lunch and we can see each other.

If you don't go see him you are going to be disappointed in yourself.

And

An added bonus. If you haven't met his mom before then this could be a new development in the relationship.

Before I get into it, welcome to the asylum!

As to going to see your boyfriend, look at it this way. He's not abandoning you; not in the least. He physically can't come out to see you, and he knows you can't financially come out to see him, so even though he's sick, he's still so eager to see you that he's trying to come up with any way he can think of to see you. Sure, he'd rather get to spend time with just you, rather than with you and his mom, but if it means he has to see you with mom or not at all, he'll take what he can get.

He just wants to see you that much!