Just an other new girl.. (may trigger)

Hello, im trying to figure out how this forum works, with rules etc.
I'm 20 years old and have been suffering from BPD for a long time. I dont really know how to start my post, oh well..
I'm from Holland, so English isn't my native language, but am quite good in it, so I hope even though i'm not english, i'll be still allowed here.
I'm not in a very good mood right now, my internet is going off in about a half an hour, so i dont know if i can post this today.
I really dont know what to do at this point, i feel very bad and dont know how to go on anymore. I hope you can help me to tell my story and to give me some ways that i can try to survive, cause i dont know how anymore. I'm always open for questions.

Welcome from the other side of the Pond!

If you have any questions about the rules, there's a link at the bottom of each page (way down at the bottom, in pink) that lists them all, in boring garbled text. If you have any questions about anything, just ask a moderator, super mod or an administrator. We're easy to find - mods are listed in blue, super mods are green, and admins are red. As an example, one of the rules is that we don't allow real names or identifying information about a person, so I had to edit your real name out of your post. I think everybody has broken that rule at one time, including me, so don't worry about it. And yes, you're certainly allowed here!!

What has you feeling bad? What happened?

Hey, I'm new too. I've used forums before, so I'm a bit used to the concept. Its taking me a few days to actually start posting serious stuff I guess, What I would recommend would be going trough the first page of the BDP forum, you'll more then likely find stuff you could relate to, the search feature on the left hand side is pretty handy, I got a few answers there. Anyway, up to now I feel pretty good about this place and think it could help me out alot too. I hope it will be the same for you!

Steve

Well, what I would say is that Chenny is just short for Chennaloni, and isn't my real name. I made this name up long time ago, and think it's better to close with a short in stead of that long nickname.
I'll read the rules as soon as I finished this post. Thanks for giving me a warm welcome! Im doing my best to talk in english as good as I possibly can.
Why I feel bad,, quite hard to say. Felt very bad for a few days now, wanna hide in my bed and am doing that. Been sleeping a lot too.
At this very moment I feel bad too, like there is no end of the fog. I feel so useless and stupid. I really dont know how to go on anymore. And im not sure if I want it at all.
Im living in a kind of protected group with a lot of other people and dont feel protected at all..
Im following a study right now, so i can help a teacher at school for young children. Its hard to do, but in front of the class is so nice!
Im gonna look over the forum right now.
Much love, Chenny

hi there chenny! welcome to the forum.

this worksheet is about the best thing i've come across when it comes to distress tolerance. there are lots of coping techniques that have helped me out of a bad day/situation/month/what have you. it's a wonderful method of therapy that was developed for pwBPD.

http://www.get.gg/distresstolerance.htm

see you around!

wineaux

You know I followed a therapy for almost half a year, think it was this one, and it didnt work. I cant focus on just one thing, im highly sensitive and get a lot information from everywhere. Thats one of the reasons im fast tired. Thanks anyways!!

Been crying for a long time this evening, and the man who I was talking to (he is kinda my mentor where I live..) told me this protected home maybe is to high for me (but I almost live here 2 years now..) and maybe could be hospitalised in some psychical thingy.. I really want a treatment right now! And then I might cancel school for a while, maybe half a year, maybe more..

I really dont know what to think about it yet. I quess I'll wait till the 2th of January, and than call to the psychologist. I think im gonna try to talk to her without my mask and without making things lighter than they are, but im not sure if I dare to do that.

At least I can stop myself from selfharm today, so thats something after all. My head is really messy right now, I have like a lot of thoughts at a time, and cant sort them out. Tomorrow im going to a friend of mine, and celebrate the new year.. Well, what a celebration for me,,, not! I feel like its an other year wasted, and wish it didnt happen. I wish I was a child again, cause I couldnt be one when I was little. Sometimes I feel like im a senior, like 65+ or some, at least in my head, but sometimes my body too.

Well,, enough of my blablabla....
Much Love, Chenny

From me to all of you: Happy new year!!!
I hope this will be a better year for everybody!!

Love, Chenny

At home right now. Feeling a bit weird, dont know what to feel really. I really want to know how to feel better, I really dont know anything right now.
How were all your old/new festivities? Anything special. Is where you guys live a lot of firework too? Here it was, a lot of it. I was with a friend of my...
Man, watching a movie, so not paying attention at all... Pff...
Well,, much love, Chenny

Chennaloni wrote:Feeling a bit weird, dont know what to feel really.

Hi Chenny. Do you know what is causing you to feel a bit weird.

Chennaloni wrote:How were all your old/new festivities? Anything special. Is where you guys live a lot of firework too? Here it was, a lot of it. I was with a friend of my...

There were some neighbors here who let off fireworks. Other than that it was pretty quiet. Someday I hope to be in New York City or Sydney Harbor on New Years Eve. A few years back I was at Magic Kingdom in Disney World to bring in the new year and it was a magical memory I will never forget. 360 degrees of fireworks. It was an emotional experience.

So what did you do with your friend. You trailed off.

Thanks for replying,.
Why I feel weird... Cause I dont know what I feel, I only know that I dont like that feeling.

I was celebrating new year with her, and we talked a looot!

Now I'm quite happy, cause I'm going to the WYD, World Youth Days, in Brazil. Im sooo exited,,!!!