I wrote this LONG post, and it just disappeared!

I'm upset. To cut a long story short, I was dismissed from my therapy after getting really attached to the therapist. The therapist (an intern) and her supervisor believe this to be for my own good, and I know they tell me the truth, but I do not believe this to be for my own good. I thinks it's cruel, and I think I'll end up with no therapy at all.

I feel lonely...

What happened to make them believe that this would be for your own good? Could you perhaps begin to find a new therapist? I know that it's difficult, and it sucks having to get to know someone new, but maybe you'll end up finding a therapist who is even better than the last one?

What happened to make them believe that this would be for your own good? Could you perhaps begin to find a new therapist? I know that it's difficult, and it sucks having to get to know someone new, but maybe you'll end up finding a therapist who is even better than the last one?

So here is the story. I go to grad school, so I receive therapy at the affiliated mental health clinic. I've been in therapy for almost for years. The first two were with a different therapist. She was good, but I didn't get too attached to her. When she had to leave, I thought it was time for me to deal with life on my own, so there was no pain upon termination. However, I had to come back after six months, since I got in trouble, mostly at school, but also with other important people in my life. This time around I wanted to know what my diagnosis was, since I had been suspecting for a while I might have BPD. The new therapist told me I was indeed diagnosed with BPD. We had what one might call 'a stormy relationship': I tried to call and text her a lot when feeling bad, she tried to establish firmer boundaries, etc. At some point she told me we should meet twice a week and even got me a discount at the clinic, because two weekly sessions were difficult for me to afford. She was kind and caring, I think that she really wanted me to do better.

However, I would cross the boundaries, and at some point her supervisor, who's also the head of the clinic, had arranged a meeting with us and told me I'm not allowed to call or text any more, and that this will be a new therapy rule. I promised to adhere, but did break the rule a couple of times (not too many, though, since I really did try to adhere). After breaking the rule yet another time I was told they cannot help me anymore, since they believe therapy had failed. This was a variation of CBT, and now they think I should be referred to a DBT clinic. The supervisor told me it was a hard decision for him to make, but he really believes it to be in my best interests. I think he's saying the truth, but I think that he's making a professional mistake.

I know what DBT is and I know it can work miracles for people who self injure or have chronic suicide issues. However, I have other problems: emotional dysregulation, impulsive behavior, emptiness, etc. I have read a lot about DBT, and I'm not sure it has been proved to help with these specific issues. I mean, I know it might help, but there's no clinical proof. So I'm supposed to stay out of a nurturing, caring relationship in order to go and try to become a DBT guinea pig. I feel betrayed and upset. I'm afraid I will end up being at no therapy at all, and this guy thinks it's for my own good.

Well I can understand how you'd feel upset about losing your therapist, it's a difficult transition. There are boundaries that need to be adhered to however when in therapy. Perhaps in times of crisis you could try calling a peer warm line in the future, or a crisis line? Just to clarify about DBT, it is specifically designed to help people with emotion dysregularity, and impulsiveness. There is even a module called emotion regulation. I can understand how you might feel skeptical. I was too. It's one of those things that will work if you actually put it into practice.

Raindog:

I thought I would tell you about my experience with DBT. I am not a person who self injures or has suicidal issues and I found that it helped me immensely! I have problems with emotional dysregulation, impulsiveness, attachment problems and trust issues. And I have found that I can actually regulate my emotions a lot better (they aren't perfect but wayyyyy better). I no longer have to take ativan (I had to go off of it to even enter DBT which scared the hell out of me) to regulate my anxiety and I can stop and think about how I am feeling long before it blows up. I went into DBT in January of this year and was done by May. I was in a DBT Lite program so it was a faster module of the program. It was super intense and really hard to go but I am totally happy with all of the skills I learned. I was stunned one day when I asked the doctors who ran it if people actually naturally use skills like this and why the hell have I never thought about doing things like DBT says? And they said yes and that I guess I was never taught/learned any of it when I was a child due to environmental and biological issues. I still go and see a psychologist who does CBT once a week and see my psychiatrist about once every two months. So it isn't a cure thats for sure. I would totally consider it if I was you. What are you gonna lose? Nothing really but the gains are tremendous if you benefit from it.

And as for empirical research when it comes to DBT, there is actually evidence that shows that DBT not only works with BPD but also with other groups of people who struggle with social/life situations.

Lastly, I really feel for you that you are losing your therapist. That must be difficult to deal with. I would definitely have a hard time dealing with that. But can you see and understand why they are doing this? Can you see that it isn't a personal attack on you or your character but is in fact a way to help you get better? I hope so...

I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts are with you. Don't give up! Keep pushing through!

Thanks for reading and responding, guys. Here's a quick update:

I've emailed the supervisor, asking him for permission to write a letter explaining why is it important for me to stay in psychotherapy with my current therapist. So he said I can write, but he's not going to correspond with me via emails anymore. So I wrote the letter and it was emailed to him about a day ago, and as time goes by I feel more and more upset, because I haven't heard a word from him. I even emailed him asking whether we can talk about my letter, but he hasn't replied to this mail either.
I feel humiliated now. I thought he would invite me to a meeting, at the very least.

If he stated that he is not going to respond via e-mail, then it appears as if he is just keeping with the boundary that he has set. Try to do some things that will help you cope with the distressing feelings you are experiencing.

If he stated that he is not going to respond via e-mail, then it appears as if he is just keeping with the boundary that he has set.

Yes, well, I know it makes some sense... However, he said I could write the letter, so the letter itself was not a transgression of boundaries. I guess he knows I'm waiting for some sort of a reaction from him, so he's just ignoring (and enhancing) my distress now.

raindog wrote:

If he stated that he is not going to respond via e-mail, then it appears as if he is just keeping with the boundary that he has set.

Yes, well, I know it makes some sense... However, he said I could write the letter, so the letter itself was not a transgression of boundaries. I guess he knows I'm waiting for some sort of a reaction from him, so he's just ignoring (and enhancing) my distress now.

totally agree with cheze2. if you can't adhere to it, he's not going to listen. i recommend you write that letter or he's going to continue to ignore your distress as you're not sticking to his rules