you can ignore. i'm just venting. but just in case, *TW*

*TW* just in case..

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ugh, i'm feeling really suffocated right now. i had a bad morning. my mom is being neglected where she is staying (she's in a coma). today, she was practically drowning in her own saliva and it took over 5 minutes for someone to come by her room. his excuse was that he was with another patient. maybe he was, but he said there's always two respiratory therapists on staff. where's the other one? what if my mother couldn't breathe and seriously drowned?

i'm just a;lsdkfj. i wanted to call my therapist on friday after something happened, but i don't want to be close to her right now. i have a lot of money situations going on and as much as it pains me to say this, i might have to quit therapy after my insurance runs out. I think i have about 20 or so sessions left. i can't bare to become dependent on her if this is going to happen. but i wanted to call her so bad! I went to wal-mart this weekend with someone, and i just got so irritated after people were cutting in and out, and then the person i was with was being a pain in the a** at the time, and i just took everything and threw it on the floor, made a big scene, and stormed out. i'm sure everyone thought i was crazy. probably am. i'm just not happy.

two seconds ago, i was trying to study for a test, and a coworker kept talking to me. he likes to talk. he's a nice guy, but he can't take a hint when you give it to him. he kept talking out loud, kept talking to me, etc etc., and i wanted to hit him! leave me alone you idiot, i don't want to talk to you! omg. so i got up and left.

i've been having horrible nightmares that alter my mood all day. i'm trying to use the skills my T gave me for when i'm upset but i suck. i think iím going to cave and call my t tonight. i feel very unsafe atm, and if this feeling continues, who knows.

ok, that's my rant, sorry.

Sorry to hear about the bad medical care you moms getting. My mom died at home and had good care. I hear you about walmart. it must attracts the rudest people. I also have idiots at work, last time i was working in a live electrical panel and some tries to talk to me. Seriously, as long as they could talk who cares if i get distracted and get electrocuted. Also have what i would call nightmares. I dont think i've ever had nice dreams. Its good to rant and rave, it saves us from doing the things we would truely like to do. at least here we are safe from judgement and scorn
I hope you day goes better. I will find out how mine is going when i get to work. I may not even have a job anymore. A--holes keep wanting me to use my injured arm. Not like their the ones ones going to need surgery. 21 years there and they treating me like crap. I bet if i had 2 broken legs they would ask me to mow the grass.
thats my rant for the day, till i get to work.

Sorry to hear things aren't going well. It's unfortunate about your Mother being put in danger by the staff. Perhaps when you've calmed a little you could put in a complaint? If you truely think that something could of occured and she was in danger.
Walmart situation, we've all been there done that, it could've been far worse... Don't feel like you're crazy, because I've been in the same situation on this one.
Same with the guy you didn't want to talk to, you're in a bad mood - who wants to hear someone babling on (like I am now) just leave me the bleep alone.

Try writing things down like you have here and connecting them to how you currently feel, you'll understand and confirm why you feel this way, you can see if the way you're acting is reasonable - which it sounds it is. You're having a blue/bad day, write it down - reflect. Grab a book and start reading, lay in bed with some herbal tea or run a bath and relax. It's difficult but unless you're being really out of line try not to beat yourself up about the way you've reacted to something. If you need to call your T go ahead and do it, if that's what you need. Don't stop yourself from doing something that'd helpful to you. Don't bottle it up and wait for the next action to come along that will require an unreasonable reaction.

Hope you feel better soon, just reassuring you we all have those crappy days and it sucks.