by AuroraGoryAlice » Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:02 pm
All I can say is that I kind of understand. I am Black and from England and while I sometimes do feel like I AM indeed from England, I don't feel Black at all. I can't explain this to anybody purely because of all the crap Black people have to go through as it is. If you are a Black person you are supposed to be 'a strong Black individual! Proud of your race and proud of the struggle' and I am neither of those things, I am proud of anybody that comes full circle in the face of adversity - of course, how can you not be... but sometimes I just don't care - I didn't ask to be Black, I just am so why is it I have to feel so many ways about being Black? It annoys and angers me, I just want to be human, I want to be left alone and I am sick of all of the connotations and stereotypes that come along with being a part of this race, not to mention the fact that I hate myself, I hate the way I look (not so much my skin colour as I like being brown, but I hate my size, my shape, my teeth, my hair, my beady eyes etc. etc.) and the BDD has begun to make me hate my facial features, and hate people who resemble me. This has been the worst thing, hating people who resemble me. I seem to shy away from other Black people in my every day life.
I have always felt I should've been Asian or White or Latin or generally anything but what I am, and yes I am ashamed of myself for saying that, and I know this is strongly related to my BDD.
Sorry, I have just poached your thread but I just wanted to tell my story to show you I can kind of relate to what you are going through.