Do I sound ugly, average or kinda pretty?

I've been diagnosed with bdd a few times and all but I think they're all liars. Tell me what you think.

I really dont know what I look like anymore… I used to see myself as horribly ugly without makeup but now I look cute without it and I never look in the mirror.
The mirror isnt accurate anyways, it makes your face more symetrical and most people think they are way more attractive than they really are.

My attractiveness in pictures varies dramatically like it's not even believable. I looked at a few pics from when I was 13, I looked horrific in most of them like a 3/10 (they were all from my ugly profile and from down below and I look ugly from there. and often blurry).
But if I look at pics or vids from the last 4 years or from before 7th grade, I look genuinly slightly pretty to average looking. If I take selfies or vids from myself it varies a lot. Like between a 3 and a 7 in reverse pics. But if someones else takes vids or selfies of me it's always 5-6.

I've trying the reverse mirror a few times. I did it a few times when I was fifteen in store ones and I looked horrifically disfigured, asymetrical and ugly af like a 1.5 or something. I tried it again recently almost everyday for months and for two months I looked always symetrical and average looking to cute then I started looking like a 4.

It seems to me that strangers are extremely nice to me and that it's rare for anyone to ever be rude or mean to me. If I need help people will help me gladly and often people give me special treatment. i dont know if this is good or bad. I don't think anyone has ever made fun of me outside except once but that was cos I'm fat.

The thing that's really bothering me is that a few months ago I asked people while drunk to rate me in the street and two people said I was a 4....and worse one person said I was a three. Most people said I was above average. But I feel like this maybe means I'm actually ugly. If it weren't for the fact that I had eye makeup that I know makes me look uglier (just for the style), that all the people who rated me below a five were in semi darkness and the rest were in broad daylight (I look uglier too when there's shadows on my smile lines. I know this sounds weird but it's true), i wouldnt be alive anymore. But I dont know this could mean I'm really ugly. Since then I wont go outside anymore.

I posted some selfies on plastic surgery sites (I thought I looked like a 2 something) but when I checked them a month later I looked like a 5.

*mod edit*

Hi there!
I'm a 23 year old girl who have been diagnosed with BDD myself. When I read your post it's like I could have written it myself as I've also been wondering alot what I really look like to other people and how I would be rated on the scale 1-10. As I've been struggling with the same thoughts you have I'm thinking of an answer that I would give to myself, that I myself would find kind of helpful/cheering when I feel at my lowest in my BDD.

The first thing that comes to mind is that I want to tell you to "Stop caring where you land on that damn scale!"

I know it's way easier said than done but seriously, there are two reasons to why you really should stop being bothered with how you would be rated on 1-10 scale:

1. Different people will have different opinions of what you look like, which is something you also mentions in your post. Who's considered beauiful and who's not will always be subjective. Sure, there is more than one person who thinks Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox is hot, but still, just because a handful of people agree on this still doesn't mean it's some kind of universal truth. There is people who thinks Angelina looks to fake and plastic to find attractive, and there is people who find Megan Fox average looking. I can ensure you that people would rate these ladies differetly, just like people would rate you and me differently according to their personal taste.

2. There is no real 100 % truthful answer on where you land on the 1-10 scale, as a result of what I mention before. As long as beauty is subjective, which is a fact, and people think differently when it comes to attraciveness, there is no real answer on your question. And as there is no real answer there is neither any point at all to waste time being bothered of where we land on that damn scale.

And who the hell cares anyway?
It's not like a letter with a 100 % sure answer on my attractiveness would be something useful for me to know about in any kind of way. And no matter what that would be, I still couldn't do anything about it as I am who I am and I can't change my looks. And as I mentioned before it's not possible to get an totally reliable answer on the question as beauty is and will always be subjective. This actually feels like a relief if you ask me, as it gives me the hope that maybe someone will find me more beautiful than I find myself. I'm still waiting for that guy.

Oh and try to not trust you own eyes to much when it comes to your appearence. If you have BDD like me it's very common that we are more negative than we really should be when it comes to our own looks. I also got this confirmed by my doctor who had been working with many people like you and me with BDD.

Have you tried KBT and medications? I have and they had a really good impact on me, especially the antidepressants. I recommend you to search professional help. Sure I have to admit It's hard to get rid of the BDD-monster once and for all but these doctors and specialist who are specialised on BDD can give you a really good help on the way to atleast feel better than you do right now.

I wish you all the best and take care.

I think you just sound a little insecure. You probably got low ratings from strangers because you were drunk and drunk and sloppy is never attractive. Truly ugly people (ie me) get abuse for our appearance and no one ever says anything nice.