My experience with BDD

*mod edit*

I wanted all readers of BDD to click on this because I want to gather us into a collective. I hope we can agree that BDD always comes back and the only way is to mitigate the problem over time while being through many high and low points. I also hope we can all agree that having this BDD keeps us away from other people that have the "better parts" of our insecurities. For example if you have a huge nose, you most likely would want to stay away from people with nicer noses. Maybe that's just me...

I also hope that we can all agree that our problem is most likely small to other people, and while we still realize this... it's hard to keep away our dark thoughts. It sucks because I have this problem and it will undoubtedly be hilarious to whoever reads this:

I have posted about my insecurity many times before but it has to do with my jawline. And I know why I'm insecure about it. It's because us men are bombarded with good looking men on instagram, magazines, and social media and they all seem to have AMAZING jawlines.

Now... I can say that my BDD goes through highs and lows, like I mentioned many BDD people have gone through these high and low points. Right now I'm at a point where I try to wear hoodies as much as possible to hide my profile views and I'm also trying to grow my hair out to naturally hide my profile views as well.

Now the worst part comes because it's completely changed my personality and view on people. If you don't know about tongue posture or horizontally vs vertically growing faces... I suggest you look it up for information. I hope it doesn't become a part of your BDD but from my research it seems that all of us could be good looking but our tongue posture has been deteriorating over time.

Our jaws have gotten smaller and smaller as a human race due to sitting at computers for long hours, chewing soft foods, and simply not living the lifestyle our ancestors have lived. It bothers me so much that I can't change any of it. And it's to the point where I understand it's pointless to think about and change, so my BDD just stays the same. BUT it's also come into a new factor of things:

I'm a sophomore in college and I'm around many girls all the time. I have this stigma of thinking where I don't want to be with women that have wide dental arches. Let me explain:

Going back to the tongue posture thing... good looking people swallow without using any of their facial muscles and can fully have their whole tongue on the roof of their mouth while breathing and sleeping. Someone like myself has a HIGH arching palate. Which means I can't put my whole tongue on the roof of my mouth without blocking my airway. I also can't sleep without having half of my tongue not blocking my airway which causes me to have sleep apnea (aka not getting enough oxygen when I sleep which makes me extremely tired throughout the day).

So I have this stigma where if I'm with a girl or talking to a girl that has great tongue posture and a healthy face etc. It makes me not want to be with them even if they like me. I just don't want to mix their healthiness with my "unhealthiness". I know this kind of thinking is such an anomaly but it plagues by brain every day.

I don't want to marry or be with a girl that has a palate like mine because at that point we're both unhealthy and it just turns me off. And frankly... I'm even turned off by my unhealthiness, hence why I feel unworthy of women with healthier faces and tongue posture.

I've had multiple women like me with exceptional tongue posture and model-like faces but I just can't get myself to be with them because it makes me feel incongruous to their presence or love. I rather them be with more handsome men that have great jaws, symmetrical faces and healthy tongue posture.

It's so weird because I evaluate everybody's mouth, neck, and body posture to deduce if they are vertical growers (people with horrid tongue posture and most probably have a condition of sleep apnea) or horizontal growers (basically any person you know or have seen with a beautiful and symmetrical face)

So this sickening thought can't seem to wither away. I don't want to be with a woman that has unhealthy features such as myself and I don't want to be with healthy women that can't understand the unhealthiness that I face every day.

I really hope someone doesn't think I'm crazy and knows what I'm saying to give me advice. I'm so helpless. If no one can help... I guess I can live with being alone. I keep these thoughts to myself anyway and I've never told anyone.

BTW the reason I'm a vertical growers is because I never played sports as a kid. I was a heavy gamer and always would hang my mouth open while playing. This has caused a slightly recessed chin and horrible mandibular angle (aka jaw angle). My cheeks are huge and my chin is fat and ugly. My side profile is probably my worst feature.

If you notice... many great sport players have huge jaws which means their breathing cycle is great and many models also have huge jaws. Both of these kinds of people always seem to have perfect tongue and body posture. And singers also have wide jaws so they have better sound that projects from their mouth.

Try this if you don't believe me... open your mouth and make a constant noise then making that SAME noise ... just jut your jaw out and see how your pitch changes slightly. Kinda weird to explain but hope you can help my dark thoughts.