BDD and Dating

Hi all,

I was diagnosed with BDD last year when I was 41. I’m male. I knew I’d had it since I was a young child (under 10) as I was always obsessed with trying to improve my appearance, mainly elements of my face. I still have trouble with self-image purely on some of my facial features, mainly my eyes, and hair loss is a big concern for me (I’ve lost a little hair, not very much, but I focus on this intensely). I’ve also suffered from and still suffer from OCD from around the same age, maybe a little later.

The thing is I really like who I am. I have achieved well educationally, people like me, I have friends, I have a good sense of humour and other good qualities. I’ve also overcome a lot in life and I’m still standing, all which makes me proud and value myself (self-praise over!).

Dating has always been daunting for me because you are initially judged on your looks. This affected my confidence to ask girls out so I hardly ever have. It’s something I’ve struggled to get past.

I’m recently divorced (nothing to do with my BDD) and am looking to date again. I feel confident in who I am and that I’m a good catch but often my BDD will feel like an obstacle. And when someone likes me in that way, I can accept that they do find me physically attractive, even though I don’t like some of my features. It’s getting past the first ‘looks’ barrier that is problematic for me. After that, I’m confident enough to build and progress a relationship.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice re how to tackle this or reframing it in my mind or anything else which may help. I’m on a high dose of fluoxetine (60 mg) which helps in general but doesn’t eliminate this issue re dating. Any other experiences or information would be very welcome.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.