Why do ugly people get treated badly

abstracted wrote:

JDW wrote:Honestly, I've suffered with BDD for over 10 years, I believe it's all down to how BDD effects your confidence and therefore effects how people treat you. The common example and evidence to back this claim is the many other "ugly" people who are treated fairly.

I agree. When I'm confident and friendly towards people, they're generally much nicer than when I'm anxious and quiet. It's like when people mistakenly assume shy/quiet people are stuck up, they might be misinterpreting my anxiety as something aimed at them.

I could argue up and down that they were nicer to me because I was prettier that day or pitied me or something, but how you present yourself and the atmosphere you have does affect how people view you just as much as your physical appearance does.

Interestingly as I've never been good looking to anybody other than an average at most. I cannot comment on how much impact looks can have without the positive vibes and confidence.

What I'm trying to say is whether a good looking person would be treated differently without that confidence etc is something I would like to experiment with. As most I've saw are never treated differently and only have positive effects I can assume it does or I can assume that growing up good looking as provided them with a strong sense of self and confidence which brings along with it all the positive stuff that creates better interactions.

Who knows.

-- Thu Apr 16, 2015 8:28 pm --

Coolness wrote:Because ugly people are viewed as inferior or inconsequential. There's no need to be nice to an ugly person. In addition, people prefer beautiful things to ugly things. As an ugly person or a person with BDD, you're of course sensitive to this concept, so you'll consciously go out of your way to be nicer to ugly people. But in general, the majority of people will treat beautiful people like kings while paying no heed to the uglies.

That holds some basis in fact but c'mon, try and understand that more ugly people have changed this world for the better than good looking people. Ask yourself, was Winston Churchill good looking? Now ask this question of the thousands upon thousands of famous people in todays society who are very respected etc.

That holds some basis in fact but c'mon, try and understand that more ugly people have changed this world for the better than good looking people. Ask yourself, was Winston Churchill good looking? Now ask this question of the thousands upon thousands of famous people in todays society who are very respected etc.

That's irrelevant though. I never said it's impossible for an ugly person to accomplish something great. I simply stated how ugly people are viewed, in general, as compared to attractive people. I don't care how famous or influential you are. You'll never be as lauded or well-liked as an attractive counterpart. Bottom line.

In my experience, beautiful people are often treated friendly even if they behave relatively unfriendly.
On the other hand, ugly people are for the most part only treated friendly if they are friendly themselves. And showing confidence is sometimes necessary as well (like: "i know i'm ugly and i know that you know, but don't you dare to fu** with me" in a friendly way).
There are of course exceptions and interactions of gender, status etc.

blame evolution

Honestly I really hear you on this. Usually I try to pass off the 'perceived' mistreatment (in general terms) as being caused by something other than my looks; like I'll try to convince myself it's just "their problem" or that they're just insecure or it's just my own awkwardness, but deep down I know a lot of it is in fact the result of my looks, specifically my bad complexion. It's just no coincidence that on the days that I look worse I get treated with contempt and more coldly by my peers, whilst on the days I look better they're more friendly. It's not a confidence issue either as I'm equally unconfident regardless of how I look that day, so it just doesn't add up.

Confirmation bias explains this phenomena. You discount every interaction you have that is normal and only fixate on the one that seems to prove your point. Then you expand on that point filling in the details with your own assumptions. So you confirm your own distorted views.
So ugly people are people who are intolerant and behave badly. They treat others badly.

In the dating pool there are all shapes and sizes. We are never billboard worthy and that is OK. The partner we find won't be either. Reality check.

They get treated like absolute dirt for the most part

You can't be feeling good to allow yourself to say that, write that or allow others to read that. Your perception is colored by how badly you are treating yourself. You are holding yourself apart from your own happiness. Listen to the people around you, they will try to guide you back to your true path. You are after clarity of thought. You are not even close to where you have true freedom of thought. You are perceiving only what you are offering.

I agree with the other user who said that it's because it benefits them in some way. If you go on YouTube, for example, and look for a music video to watch you'll probably notice you'll click on the thumbnail with an attractive singer before another other video, seriously, go try it now. It applies to real life too; it would explain why you've felt that urge to get up out of your seat and talk to someone if you admire them in some way (fits into you're ego ideal?), or why you would get a random urge to laugh at a stranger who is wearing something strange. Don't pretend you haven't felt the feeling too, it's like an automatic thing.

Also, as soon as it stops benefiting them in some way they move on and go towards someone else. It's really sad actually. People say you can't keep blaming society, but you kind of can; people will treat you based on your looks and social stereotype, and so if you don't fit into a "positive" stereotype (i.e. you're unattractive and weird) they will treat you as such.

On my good days I've had random girls come up to me when I'm out with friends, and ask if I needed help with anything, or just talk and be nice to me (like when I was in school), or on bad days I've been talked down to by people and girls have looked at me strangely, ignored me, or sometimes laughed at me. At one point when I was looking really bad I thought I was beginning to lose it and I had this idea that they must have been hallucinations or something, but no, they really were saying crap to me when I was no more than a few feet away as confirmed by friends. Although this was too painful to accept at the time.

Marg and the other users here have a point when they said your level of confidence or friendliness plays a part here, but this is only part of the picture. Also, if you're shy and attractive people will be nice to you in a more reserved sort of way because they like you and or don't want to "scare you off", but also because being nice to someone like that boosts their social image and makes them feel important in some way. Just stick with the people who treat you well no matter how you look; real friends.

I mean look at Hayley Williams, people used to love her when she was younger but she's changed a lot now, and now her fanbase has shrunk.

im ugly and nobody treats me badly to be honest