I feel suicidal

I'm not manic and I'm not depressed. I just raised my Lithium does to 1350mg yet I still feel extremely suicidal. My mind is littered with thoughts of suicide. I've been feeling suicidal for a few months but for the past week or two it's been a lot worse. I'm really scared and have no clue what to do. I don't want to call my psychiatrist or therapist because I just left a hospital for feeling suicidal and it didn't help me at all. What should I do?

This is not an easy one, and there is no quick cure. I can certainly tell you what NOT to do. Do NOT be alone! It makes things a 1000X worse! Try to visit someone. A friend , a family member, a co-worker. Talk about your feelings. I know 100% how your feeling. It feels like your being pulled down to the depths of hell further and further. DO call your doctor for help. Its their JOB! If you dont have the will to call your doctor, tell someone to call for you. I am just barely pulling out of a bad depression that I questioned the total core of my being , and why I even exist. I cried everyday and couldnt stop. It was terrible. But I went to my therapist, and it did help. I realized that I was feeling was all lies, it WAS my chemical imbalance that was making feel so bad. Your meds ARE not working for you, because if they were you wouldnt feel so bad. So, I know its hard, and seems pointless, but make that call anyway to your doctor. Muster the energy to throw some clothes on and visit a loved one. Good luck

I was there too vegasguy. TOTALLY know what you mean by being overcome with a sense that life isn't valuable, that the world would be better off without you—without a mood episode. You sound like you have enough insight to know this isn't true. Do call your Dr and discuss meds.

Big hugs

When you're feeling like this it is important to try and rectify the situation. I agree with the above comments, and it's certainly a good idea to surround yourself with family or close friends as soon as you can. I also recommend you speak to your doctor as soon as possible about these feelings, as it's important you get help if you need it, your doctor should be sympathetic to you feeling hospitalisation didn't help you last time. Hopefully he/she can look into changing medication if that seems like it could hold a solution. If you feel at imminent risk then call the emergency services and ask for help.

Stay strong, keep fighting.

Hi fornoone.
I’m glad you found us. As you can see many ppl here understand and I agree with their advice. Please come back and let us know how you are. Stay safe.
*huge hugs*
Jan

Do something Physical. Push yourself. Break a serious sweat. When in a suicidal state your drowned in emotional pain. If you make your body do physical work it distracts your emotions.
Those horrible dark suicidal moments last on average 30 minutes. Because they are so intense, they do subside. So Just focus on making it through 30 mins at a time for now. Try not to be alone. Go for a jog, and also look up. Looking up-raising your gaze upwards has been proven to elevate your mood. No joke. So go for a fast walk or run-look up at the sky, breathe deep.
It will help. I am speaking from personal experience. I feel for you hun.
Hold on ok?
One

Thank you all for the advice. I told my parents and I'm going to call my therapist. Just wondering, has anyone else felt happy yet suicidal? It's such a foreign concept to me..

Thanks for posting again fornoone.
I’m glad you told your parents and will call your therapist. Sounds like your emotions are pretty mixed up right now. Possibly the your suicidal thoughts make you feel happy because dieing seems like a relief?

I've felt suicidal while not being particularly down before. I remember even being a little kid and telling my mate, when I must have been no more than 10, that I wanted to kill myself, even though I was happy at the time, i meant it. And many times since. Just some indescribable drive... I've often felt like "things are going well, but i still want to kill myself" I think on some level i was still unhappy. I wouldn't worry too much about it, just get the help.