Finally going in to see someone, nervous... Need advice!

[Sorry this is so lengthy; the actual questions are just in the last paragraph, if you want to skip to that.]

Up until recently, I've vehemently opposed any suggestion of getting formally diagnosed or taking medication. My mother has 2 sisters with bipolar, her mother had it, she almost definitely has it, and mine has been obvious from a fairly young age, so it's not like I need the diagnosis for any sort of closure. I'm also worried about it being used against me, both in my personal life and if I ever end up in court for any reason. I just don't want to hand people tools with which they can oppress or silence me, so up until recently, it's made some degree of sense to avoid getting a diagnosis. I've even been fairly successful academically, getting my first degree at 18, and though I have self-medicated with self-harm and drugs at various times, I've been safe and sober for nearly two years (not without difficulty).

Things have been harder lately, though. I recently had an episode in which a week and a half of it was mixed (completely non-functional and paranoid), then two days of mania, and then a two day severe depressive crash. Afterwards I went back to my usual constant state of mild depression, which I'm generally fine with, but my anxiety is skyrocketing now that school has kicked back up. Primarily, I just get really uncomfortable having to work in groups with people, but I'm also worried about what will happen if I have another episde that's THAT bad again, during the quarter.

I've set up a counseling consultation, from which I can be referred to a psychiatrist, and I'm feeling really ambivalent as to how I should approach this. On the one hand, I'm still uneasy about having the formal diagnosis and going on mood stabilizers. Will they change me? Will I still be creative? Will I be functional? And on the other, I want to be able to do what I need to do in school and at home. Should I maybe just get something to take as-needed just for anxiety (which is the bulk of my issues when I'm not having an episode, and often still a problem when I am)? Or is that a bad idea for someone with bipolar? I could really use some advice, as it's taken me a long, long time to reconsider treatment.

I'd say it's certainly worth going to see someone. I don't see many ways in which it could make things worse. If you're not a danger to yourself or others they can't make you take any medication you don't want to, so it remains your choice. If they are a good doctor they will talk you though any medication options and then let you decide what sounds comfortable to you, which for me currently is non-medication based management because I have a sensitivity to a lot of medication.

I say give it a go, it helped me. Good luck

Hey there,

I don't see any drawback to going and exploring your options. If you feel you can manage without medications, then great. But many people find this is not an option, or at least not some of the time. The moods can become very destructive for some people and it becomes a case of weighing up the pros and cons of taking/not taking medication. Of course, there are other things you can do to help- therapy of some sort can help some people, as well as leading a healthy balanced lifestyle. I know you're not bothered about having the diagnosis, but sometimes it's not a bad thing. It can get you access to the help you need, and if there's any sort of emergency, it will save time while health professionals try to work out what's going on.

Ultimately, it's your choice. Personally, I couldn't survive without my medications, but I know a few folk who do. Get informed, and then you can make a decision!

Good luck, let us know how it goes!
Keenie

Thanks for your encouragement! To clarify, I guess what I'm most worried about is just the stigma of an official diagnosis, and how that could potentially be used against me. I have really strong anti-oppressive politics, which to some degree makes me a political target, and it just scares me... I mean, I'm just a kid trying to get through school, but I've had friends who recently got their homes raided and are probably going to go to prison for crimes they verifiably weren't even in the same city to commit. The raid warrents were specifically targeting materials relating to their politics, and even to some degree punk culture. It's ridiculous, and terrifying...

My point is, I'm afraid that having an official diagnosis on the books could be potentially dangerous to me if I ever end up in the same situation. Things have just reached a point where I feel like I have to go in, but... I dunno. That's kind of why I was wondering if it would be a bad idea to just try to get something for anxiety. At the same time, I'm worried about the potential for addiction with anti-anxiety meds...

Jeez, I always work myself into a pickle thinking about these things.