hey walt,
sorry to reply so late... been kinda busy coz doin my summer project. i'm an IT student in my final semester. which makes life pretty difficult for a young bipolar haha.
i feel very sad for u and others like myself who are battling bipolar everyday. i'm thankful for my faith but i have many moments when i feel very hopeless as well.
this past week i've been kinda depending on xanax and stilnox coz of the high level of stress i'm undergoing. sometimes i feel very alone in this war i'm in coz very few people can understand the pain and suffering, and even shame that i go through. (but i know i many bipolars feel that too).
couple of days ago i had a mild reaction to stilnox (again) when i walked around as though in a dream. this makes me very frightened coz i know not what i might do in that state. sometimes, i wish i could die earlier to be spared of all these, but my faith keeps me from doing anything silly. right now i'm very weary but i'll choose to believe God will heal me.
i truly hope He heals u too (relax, this is not chiristian propaganda haha) try to stick to ur meds and slowly adjust. keep up the good fight!
regards,
sonya
sincefour wrote:sonya
Thanks, I am glad to hear that you are feeling well, and fighting the good fight against overuse of drugs. My story is different.
Firstly Lamictal has been amazing so far, I think it is 15 days since I started. My mind is functioning better, and I feel that there is hope, just simple hope. I have hardly ever felt that before.
I was undiagnosed until I was 42. I was angry, moody and difficult (a lot of early abuse figures in as well).
The only time I made any friends in my life was ages 14-26 when I smoked vast quantities of weed, that calmed me down pretty well, but it wasn't perfect. The last two years I am getting a lot more likable, mostly from maturity and Therapy.
Even when I go from 1500 mgs to 1200 of lithium there is a huge effect. I get sensitive to random sounds, and my temper starts to boil for no good reason.
Even as I continue to make big strides in therapy, it doesn't help the physical manifestation of my mania and/or depression (I'm either mixed type or ultra ulta rapid cycling, depends on which "expert" you ask).
I take 8 drugs every day, and 4 on occasion.
2 for mood
1 for sleep (used to sleep < 80 hours a month for 25+ years before this, not a chance I give it up - and don't talk diet, excercise, meditation, its all of minimal use)
5 for heart/blood (physical changes brought on by aortic valve replacement requires 4).
4 others occasionally (anxiety, skin condition , herpes, instant mood stabilization).
Even if I could ween off of all of them, I wouldn't live very long or very well without them. So, I am going to optimize in that direction.
Thanks again,
W