Opinions please..

Not sure where to start with all of this- but here goes,

I am a 24 y/o female, diagnosed with depression at 14 or 15yrs old. I have not been on any meds for a long time.. due to not being able to see a doctor until now. (Well Soon... January)

I am at the point now that I hate to be alone, I want to be alone, it seems like I have lost all emotion. When I should be worried or scared I'm not. I've spent money and couldnt tell you where I spent it-- or what I have to show for it. Repossession-- doesnt even scare me.. just drives me batty/paranoid. I am not sure why my emotions are all messed up like this-- I guess maybe I am numb.. feel like I am at the point of no return. I dont sleep well, sometimes I want to sleep all of the time. I can overanalyze anything in my mind 10,000 times over.. and can talk myself in/out of anything. Its really scary-- I know something is bad -- but in my head I make myself believe that things will be okay and move on-- and then I am in this "high", euphoric state.. I guess because I've reassured myself (somehow) that things are okay- and there is nothing to worry about. I often feel like there are 13 tv channels in my head-- my heart races and I cant calm down.

My mother says that if I dont get ahold of my finances that she's going to try to get guardianship of me-- I dont think it will happen..

I just want a clean slate.. I want to be all caught up on bills... etc. I make good money, have a decent job, but spend it and dont know where it goes... I am not sure what to do. I am tired of running.. I feel like I am always running away from something/someone... problems. and i just want to relax. it almost seems that if i were to go get help at a treatment center my fears may dissolve some.. or in some crazy kind of way I might feel safe there. And on the same token I am afraid that if I start taking meds that I might not like myself... or people will not like me anymore.

I know that was a long rant... I would just like to know if anything mentioned above seems normal.. or like symptoms of something someone knows?

I just need a little help with things.. I am scared to get it-- fearful that I could lose my job, and scared to admit to my parents the things that I have done-- they already think that what I've done is enough messing up.. .what to do?


thanks in advance.[/b]

It's great you are going to get some professional help. Don't be afraid of it, you will end up being glad you did. Just remember, you are ultimately in control of your treatment. Try to have good communication with your doctor, and if you try a medication that just doesn't work for you, tell them so. You might have to try several different things before you get it right.
If your doc doesn't listen to you, get a different doctor. You have to find someone you connect with and that respects your feelings and opiinions. Hang in there and things will get better.

Sounds to me that u possible could have bipolar. I would definately make an appointment with a psychatrist. The extreme highs and lows and the out of control spending are common with BP, as is ur sleeping habits.