Please help me...

I am obviously bipolar. I was diagnosed a few years ago, and after I left my huband a year and a half ago, I was hospitalized twice. About 6 months ago, things got alot better. About three months ago, I started going out with a wonderful man, and everything seemed to be fine. A little more than a week ago though, I just felt extremely depressed, and ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped and my heart defibbed after my boyfriend and friends found me OD'd on Klonipin and Lamictal. I spent a little while in the psych unit and was sent home. I am not med compliant as I have no insurance, and the meds (everyone I've tried, and oh have I tried alot) make me incapable of working. I was feeling better, but now I seem to be running head on into a hypomania, but it's mostly depression, but bad. Any and I mean any, ideas as to how to bring myself out of this? I scare myself and my family. I just want this to stop. Please, any and all suggestions...

Hello! It is very understandable that you have no insurance in order to afford meds. Have you talked to your psychiatrist about starting with samples? I know that with the job change that my husband has had the past month, my insurance was threatened, but we found out that I will be fine as far as being able to get the meds that I need through samples, as well as I know that the drug company that makes the meds I take offer free meds for patients that cannot afford insurance or their meds. Either way, I am sure that your doctor could help you in finding out the best options.
I understand your frustrations with the meds making you incapable of working as well. When I was first diagnosed, I was placed on several different meds that kept me in a zombie state most of my day. It is truly hard to be able to function. But, at the moment I am on a couple of meds that aren't negative at all in keeping me tired all day. I think it really depends on the med and dosage. One point that I made sure I let my doctor and therapists know is that I don't have time for the Bipolar with three small kids, and I definately don't have the freedom to sleep in all day long either. With that, they took more time making sure that they are choosing the best options for me in treatment.
From the several yrs since my diagnosis, the one thing that I have heard through looking and searching online with others who suffer from Bipolar is that for some reason most of us reach a time and again where we drop our meds for one reason or the other. The main reason I have found is because of the way it makes us seem even more unable to function than the condition itself. But once the doctors realize that we are putting every ounce of energy we have forth in efforts to get ourselves balanced, and that we really DONT have time to be tired all day long from the meds... then there are more chances of it being not an issue nor an option for us to get sick and tired of being exhausted from the meds. In turn, I know for myself it is the excuse I cannot use any longer for dropping my meds all together.
Bottom line tho.... I don't think there is any other solution to stop the mania except by meds or by it ending itself because we have no control over it. I know what you are feeling because I am an ultra rapid cycler when not on meds. My cycles go from one minute to the next... and it is very scary when I am crying one second, and two minutes later I am bouncing off the walls.. happy as a lark LOL But the feeling when you slip from depression to a very unusally happy mood, and it feels as if you are on top of the world and absolutely nothing could go wrong....then you crash.... And most of the time I go out with a bang! Because all of that energy ALWAYS turns into a rage.
It's a rampant, and freaky ride. So I understand the fear that you must be feeling.. and if you have gotten to the point where you can recognize your cycling.. and you know what is coming next... you will do whatever you can to stop it. But rarely never can we find a solution within our own strength to do so.
Anyway!! I hope that this helps... and I wish the best for you!!

Kimmy

hey, i think u might be feeling kinda hopeless now, but i wanna reassure u that things will definitely get better. but first u gotta make sure that there are supportive people around u. eg. a doctor who respects ur requests, people who u can turn to in case of an emergency.

next, u have to try and accept that fighting bipolar is daily warfare, and u gotta do it step-by-step, moment by moment. live one day at a time, focus on the present situation. it could be washing the dishes, or juz throwing out the garbage... u can check out my blog at www.hope4bipolar.blogspot.com to see a funny take on how i'm trying to do it as well.

the most important part in controlling the emotions is to be very aware of it. Observe your feelings carefully, so that after a while, you know when u r on the brink of a high or low episode, and then u can do something about it, like pushing yourself to go for a walk during depression.

everything i have written down is tested and proven by me. i've been thru alot as well but i will never give up, hope u do not too. just be compassionate with yourself and give yourself time to get well. remember that medication is only a support system, that ultimate healing will require much faith, intelligence and willpower. all the best, i look forward to hearing good news from u:)

I am myself have mild case of bipolar mainly in depression. I also was diagnosis with Aspersper Syndrome when I very little. I also am alcoholic and have been 2 pychowards. First time I tried to kill myself with alcohol and pills and second time was I lost my temper and threaten to do drugs in rehab and got thrown out and sent into the pychoward. At 2nd pychoward I was diagnosis with bipolar and have a little schziotypal personality disorder. When I am depressed I get into whole head and think the most irrational thoughts that everybody hates me. I think of drinking and doing drugs. The drugs I like to do besides alcohol is heroin when somebody hooked after somebody that I joined from my first rehab.
I wouldn't really call myself a heroin addict because I am not physically addicted to it but I thought about doing it once I did it more than coke and pot. That is why I must go to AA meeting to I do drink and drug. Anger is maybe the reason that I am bipolar. The irrational thinking could be schziotypal personality. I take loads of medication like Seorquel, Prozac, Topamax, Campral, another for ADD which non-narcartic.