What Happens now?

ALSO POSTED IN GENERAL LIVING WITH MH
Hi
I'm new to this forum and I suffer from bipolar, otherwise I wouldn't be here, but I'm at a crossroads, well I've been stuck here for what seems like eternity.

I have tried lithium, depakote, numerous anti-deps but they either don't work, or have debilitating effects on my physical health, so for the past four weeks I have been med free, not good. I've tried being positive but finding it very difficult.

I'm now looking at ECT, which my partner does not want me to even entertain, which is I feel is very cruel, he just wants the old me back, the one he met before I had my first manic episode over three years ago and frankly I have given up trying to make him feel better about the fact that I have BP. We have a son together and all my little boy see's is either me down, high or stressed, even when on medication, nothing seems to work. I'm also making assumptions that my partner might be a trigger factor as he just does not know when to shut-up and if I'm having a good day, then he assumes I'm better, d'uh. The only reason I'm in the relationship still is because of my son, as I've never looked after him by myself and the thought of leaving him with his dad (who is fully capable of looking after him) feels me with an all consuming guilt.

If I'm rambling please bare with me, as I am unsure which way to turn. I know I need medical intervention but the meds don't work and what else is there for me to try, which direction now, in fact my mind is so busy that it has turned into a blur and I am on the verge, well nearly to total shut-down, but the sake of my family I'm trying to keep it together, but somethings gotta give. You see if I'm not happy and saying everythings fine, then my family including my parents become stressed, which in turn affects me, it's like I'm blamed for suffering from BP, now I know that's not right.

Please any advice.

Millilfan,

hav u tried eating, exercising, AND sleeping right?

also there are stil other drugs to try - i highly recommend lamictal, a mood stabilizer with little to no side-effects, instead of lithium. many anti-dep's actually make mania worse in bipolarity, so perhaps you hav been going the wrong route.

ECT is not as bad as it used to be. For some it is the therapy of choice. It's big advantage is the speed that it works. I'm sorry that the meds did not work. Meds work for probably 70-80% of people. Meds sort of worked for me, but had major side effects, and my meds would work for a while then stop. I have had great luck with exercise, cognitive therapy, and writing in a journal everyday.

One way to start writing is to write about you 10 worst fears and/or your 10 worst days of your life. My bipolar was set off by change and a loss of dreams. Are you going through changes or loss? My mental illness is often connected to me not wanting to face and accept my feelings and fears.

A regular type of life is important in bipolar. That is 3 healthy meals and lots of sleep everyday. Omega-3 from fish and flaxseed gives help to many of us.

Good Luck,
Jim S