Is anyone else like me?

I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar II or one of the other types (not type I). My mother's mother is bipolar, and I know she is type I. She has major episodes where she does crazy things and she also has months at a time where she doesn't get out of bed. I'm not that type, but I'm almost positive I am bipolar. I'm starting to think that from last September until this past May, I was kind of having a mini manic episode the whole time. I had tons of energy, could go one to two nights a week without sleeping if necessary for work, and pretty much always felt good. During this time I saw a counselor -- not for my maybe manic stuff, for an eating disorder. I had to take the long test to make sure nothing else was wrong, and I showed up (that day) as borderline borderline manic. At least that's what she told me. Sometimes during those months I would get really wound up, with so much energy I felt like running around or just couldn't think straight. I got a lot done, though. I would have to make myself talk more slowly sometimes because I was going at such high speed, I knew others wouldn't understand me if I didn't. I always managed it fairly well, though. All in all, it was good.

Then in May, I moved to a new town where I hated my job (was working out of my home) and became totally unmotivated. I had been in this somewhat manic gear for so long, it was uncharacteristic of me to be unmotivated. I had been used to being a master of motivation and energy, and suddenly I couldn't make myself do anything. It was shocking for me. I would get out of the bed, surf the Internet, and read. I had fun sometimes, but most of the time it was like everything was very dull and gray. I felt kind of listless. Then I moved again, to another job in another town, and everything really got worse. I slept sometimes 13 hours a day. I had no desire to do anything except read. I cried a lot, and felt miserable or kind of numb inside. I moved a third time, to a different job, which I thought I would like but hated. At one point in the past month, I was so down I couldn't think straight at work, and that was really disturbing. I couldn't comprehend the instructions for what I was supposed to be doing. Some days, I find it hard to make myself act OK at work. I naturally want to frown or act anxious or unhappy, but I have to put up a front. It's like now I'm having a mild depressive episode.

Aside from these long seasons of extreme energy or extreme listlessness, day-to-day my mood changes dozens of times. A sad song on the radio may trigger me into a deep void, sad, hopeless feeling, which may lift if I pass a friend at a red light. I may start feeling out of it (depressed) again for no reason, and I may be agitated and on the verge of tears until that goes away (an hour?). Then I may feel totally peaceful and happy for an hour or two. Then I'll dip down again. I have read about rapid cycling, and I think I do that nearly every day (not every day, but many) on maybe a minor scale.

What do you guys think? I have trouble managing these small hour-to-hour mood swings sometimes. They are both very deep. Deep happiness to deep distress. I did not have this when I was in what I think was my manic stage most of last year. It only comes with depression. I am wondering why, when I was tested last year, it said borderline manic, not borderline manic depressive. Does that mean I only had manic symptoms at the time? Anyone's opinion on any of this would be great.

Your life sounds a bit like mine. I've been bipolar for decades. I was on meds for years, but eventually got off of them. I cope fairly well, but my moods do jump around a lot sometimes. If I was going through problems on the job like you describe, I would have much more severe mood swings and would not be able to think straight. As stress goes up in my life, anxiety, worry, depression also go up. You and I could get on some sort of meds to keep us perfectly level. I chose not to use pills one day at a time.

You need to decide what you want to do. If you get a stable job soon, your moods will get better. If you do not see a big change in your work soon, maybe you want to see a professional. Your borderline diagnosis, probably meant that you were still in reality and doing OK. That would be my diagnosis right now. But years ago, the stress of changes pushed me into a full blown manic stage, then into a depression.

For me, I go up, then I go down. I force myself to do the bare minimum of life responsibilities no matter how I feel. Often, I'm high for a day or two, then down for a day or so. This morning I was down for a few hours. Now I feel good. I may get real happy when I go for a walk in a few minutes. Walking makes me happy. Tomorrow I may feel real good most of the day. Christmas usually brings me some extra mood swings because there are so many extra tasks that need to be done.
Let us know how things are going.
Good Luck,
Jim S

hey be sure that there are many who feel the way u do. no matter how confused u feel, like the definition of ur condition, know tat it does not really matter. wat matters is that u accept wats happening and persevere to do ur best to overcome it. coz that's hard, but remember u r not alone, there's me and many others who r fighting this terrible illness every single day. try and use ur mind to beat the disease in as many creative and strategic ways as possible. u can check out my blog at www.hope4bipolar.blogspot to see how i try to beat bipolar my way. just be patient and firm with yourself, u can do it!

Dear Think I'm Bipolar

I have Bipolar II and spend most of my life being miserable despite lots of medication. What I have found though is that if I force myself into a stable life situation then my mood is less challenged by any changes. It means that I do experience times when all I wish for is change but I force myself to stick to it.

By changing jobs (and especially towns and houses etc) you are causing major upheavals in your life that cause your moods to rapidly cycle.

I have found that by sticking in the one house with the one job, people around me are more understanding and supportive. If you go to a new town, no-one knows who you are, what you are like and they will take your behaviour at that point in time to be what you are like all the time - which probably isn't such a good thing.

If you stick around and tell yourself that it is not your circumstances that affect your moods but your moods which affect your circumstances then you give yourself a chance and other people around you a chance.

Best wishes to you