bipolar and substance abuse

i've read most bipolar people tend to drink heavily/smoke when they are experiencing symptoms of mania or depression... the abuse is more a symptom than a cause.

wondering what everyone's opinion/experience is, especially with weed - i quit last time i went manic mostly cuz i read it just wasnt a good idea, but i feel like it helped me self-medicate. alcohol just makes me feel worse, but its all im usin now...

whatever im usin, i always end up using a lot of it - im scared of goin to the psych and getting real meds.

-matt

I experimented with more drugs than ever before when I first developed, & was unmedicated for, bipolar. But I was a fairly moderate user, as they all impaired my functioning (got plenty of that from depression).

Obviously alcohol just increases the intensity, & possible the time spent in depression. Weed probably does the same. What I'd be most worried about w/ the self-medication is developing an addiction... which is really hard to stop if you're bipolar (I'm assuming you're not addicted @ this point, so I apologise if I'm incorrect in this).

If you feel comfortable saying why, I'm curious as to why you are afraid of going to see a psychiatrist/physician to get real meds (I first saw a physician...it's a good way to ease yourself into the idea of meds w/o so much stigma/facing your psych problems). It's well worth it, even though it's tough, since the meds will make you feel soo much better than any drug that you could self-med with.

~Jessie

i dont hav an addiction - at most i drink a beer a day, occasionally drinking heavily.. when i smoked weed i was still very functional, and was able to quit instantly when i really wanted to (tho now, 8 months later, im feeling urges again so i believe its more a psychological thing than the drug itself)

im afraid of gaining weight, feeling dull/losing emotion, or loss of libido. being a heavy romantic/artist, i dont mind the intensity of feelings n tho depression drives me to isolation, im very productive - its the delusions that scare the hell out of me.

a sick preference ive found in a few others: i dont mind the idea living an intense life, even if cut short; i prefer it to a long 'normal' one. stubborn as i am.. ah, i could keep going but its all excuses. maybe i should giv in and at least try a pdoc.. it could take so long just to find something that works, though..

a psych is an extra hassle to me - ive lived so long with myself it doesnt feel necessary (errr im in denial of what may come next spring)

thanks, this is good talk therapy for myself...winter's finally come here; i think the temperature is what really gets a seasonal person like me.

-matt

I have an interesting take on weed, considering I was raised w/ it, & that my friends currently "highly" enjoy it (bad pun...). I've never found the appeal... probably b/c my friends have aptly labeled me "naturally permastoned." Anyhow, rambling, but there are a few points: the ganja possibly slows down your racing thoughts, calms you, & most importantly may help to numb/blur emotions, so that dealing w/ them (or even feeling the pressure of them) can be avoided. I don't know if any of these ring true for you, but I know that everyone that I've encountered that uses weed more than recreationally -- like while @ work/school/with family, or basically lights up before about 12pm -- is using to avoid dealing w/ life & emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning weed, just stating what I've noticed among friends, etc (weed is definitely less harmful than cigarettes, & has lots of medical benefits too).

Sorry to bore you, you probably know all of this already... anyhow, a good friend of mine was self-medicating for depression, but never could beat it... she then went on prozac, & her personality has just bloomed since then (& she gained more weight from munchies, than the SSRI). She has a steady boy toy, so I know that her libido's not lacking (in fact, depression can really lower libido in itself); finally, she's about to grad as an architectural engineer, & she's been amazingly creative since starting the med... she's on a fairly low dose, so that might be something to check into w/ a physician (they give these out, too).

BUT, if you are bipolar, antidepressants won't help you... I was on them for a while, & just became more depressed, then hypomanic (SSRIs only work in conjunction w/ mood stabilizers). I take ONLY Lamictal (mood stabilizer) & it works great w/ few/no side effects for most people. It's worth a shot, at least to try it out (maybe give yourself a few months on it, to see how it affects you). **AVOID TOPAMAX -- it sucks, dr.'s call it the "dummy drug" -- it gave me a 2 second recall memory (not permanently). Depression is definitely one of those anguishing things that can produce great writing/art... but mood stabilizers or SSRIs won't wipe it out, AND recovering definitely doesn't numb your creativity (I was published after I started meds... not that you'd be able to tell from my rambling).

Also, there are alternative ways to ease your depression (& SAD): light therapy (usually 1/2 covered by insurance... it's a box that you buy... Google it to check it out); fish oil caplets; regular sleep, diet, & exercise (30 minutes 5-6 times per week raises you Serotonin levels as much as an anti-depressant).

Hope you find what's right for you... & sorry for this excessively long post...
~Jessie

*Oh, are you able to confront your delusions (even afterwards) & logically know that they are false? If so, you have non-psychotic delusions, which are easier to treat w/ a lower amount of anti-psychotic meds (not that I'd ever take 'em... refused twice... but if it's really bothering you, you might want to check into it, at least for like a week).

wow thanks that does help - yes, i like weed becuz it slows my thoughts, even my friends who don't have *problems* agree they use it for similar reasons... i also exercise at least a few times each week - depression is not what gets me though, i love depression personally. its the mania - and i was instantly able to logically understand my problem after the episode. in fact last year i stopped myself from following my delusions after relating to 'a beautiful mind'... i thot i was schizophrenic, but now i just think im schizoaffective. this year i let them control me into thinking i had done something revolutionary! right before i lost control and briefly thought my friend wanted me to marry her..

thx. ive heard of lamital and had it suggested - i later heard someone say it sucked their emotion away and gave up on it but perhaps it wouldnt hurt. i will go eventually ::sigh:: .... thanku, im hopeless. the only thing for me to do is stop talking and do it but i appreciate ur patience and each positive story about symptoms/medication makes going to a doc so much easier for me..

-matt

I'm glad I could help, & if you have any more question about disorders, meds...or anything that you'd like to talk about... feel free to PM me.

Oddly, I have a lot of bipolar friends (from before I was diagnosed) so I'm basing my knowledge on their experiences as well. They've all been through hell w/ bipolar, & have tried different meds, w/ lamictal being the most "normalizing," & vitalizing. One of my friends was on Lithium (for more severe cases) & has stopped b/c it didn't help her at all, & she hated the way it made her feel (seemed to dull her emotions & personality... she started doing coke to compensate). Anyway, I'm trying to get her to try lamictal, & she's reluctant as she "can deal w/" her mood swings & depression.

I asked her "why would you choose to live a life that's reduced from what you're capable of feeling?". Great art is more than just pain itself; it's a deep understanding of pain, implicit in the truth that the piece conveys. When you're in pain, you may lose all objectivity, & your creativity may be stifled because of it. [By stifled I mean kept from reaching it's potential.] You'll never forget the feeling of deep pain & strife, but you can overcome it & reap a better understanding, or recognize it's delicate, subtle beauty; as well as it's perfidious nature that causes the degeneration of your person, particularly to your will to live. Doing so helps you to contrast the light with the dark, expanding your artistic range, & producing a piece that lasts through time because of the spectrum of truth that it captures.

Ok, sorry about that...anyway, good luck in your endeavors.
~Jessie

Drug use and mental illness do not go together. That is the stupidest excuse to use drugs because you have a mental illness. You are letting drugs rule you, and that is why you can't control your mental illness. Drugs do medicate, but they also cause your metal illness to come out full force, with no holding back. Drinkiing and drugs aren't the answer....get some proffessional help before you throw yourself into another psychotic episode. Walk away from the drugs and alcohol today, its not doing any good.

It is common to use drugs to help us with our mental illness. Sometimes they seem to work for a while. Eventually, the drugs I used became a far greater problem then my mental illness. In fact, my drugs almost killed me. I'm grateful to be alive.
Jim S

I'm bipolar and I abused drugs for over a year because it made me feel better.

thx guys. i appreciate the replies. um, u can skip all this n jump to the last paragraph if u wanna help, or else first read more bout me and how i feel bout myself:

i quit smokin weed last yr only cuz i thought it made me worse ... i've since read that although they aren't sure whether substances trigger problems, the abuse rises with emotional instability and instability actually seems to appear first (u hav an emotional problem, not a substance abuse one - my urges do seem to come and go with the season).

lately ive been doing a ton, getting a second job and hanging out w/friends... but at the same time feeling more n more emptiness - work to me is as bad as substance abuse, it's a get-away, tho more productive - i feel it may become just as, if not more, detrimental.. but increasing my working time makes me more inclined to increase the value of my crash time (weed is like a super-relaxer)... i married myself to drama a long time ago.

the hardest part of bipolar (should i hav it - still clinically undiagnosed, but prolly schizaffectiv) is finding reason for emotions: unfortunately, i've lived a perfect and normal life, so i hav to find ways to complicate it (emotion -> action -> even stronger emotion). not hard to say, but perhaps too hard to believe it wont work... i love it. i do, with all my heart i love emotions. i cant get enough ... i find ways to satisfy my emotions, they bring me an unending wealth of motivation, happy or sad (most of the time)...arhh... when i am satisfied with life, i do nothing - no artwork. i just go thru the motions like everyone else.

thanks again guys, when contemplating "psychiatry" or "weed" i hav u all to push me to the good side what are the first steps to going to a psych? my friend gave me his card - do i just call and schedule an appt, do i hav to talk to my parents first... make sure hes on my insurance.. etc..?

-matt