Sayko sadface! New and alone.

Dear you

I have a beginning and I most certainly have a now, trauma one became trauma-too-many-to-count and my depression, anxiety and OCD became suffocating. I always thought I had Bipolar. Only now at twenty-six are people starting to listen. Though I haven't had an official diagnosis.

Everything's hard. Everything makes me sad.
I'm paranoid. Insecure. Lonely and obsessive.
Everything's hard. And I'm sad pretty much 90% of the time.

I just want to talk to people who understand the highs, the lows and all that crazy white noise in-between.

For right now, for you and yours, my name is Sayko, I have pink hair and tears. I'm pleased to meet you, if you're so inclined...

S.

Hi Sayko and welcome

I am really glad you have joined the forum. I hope that we can help support you and help you get through this. If you have any questions please shout me.

Hugs

Cracked

Thank you, it means a lot.

I just moved into my own place for the first time, and am realising how lonely it all is and I just... find it so hard to breathe sometimes.
I don't have any friends close by, I have my mom and my writing. That's all I can lean on. And I do need that. I'm needy and I want faces and voices to help me through the loneliness.

I use all my energy to stop myself from crashing that the day is gone. And I've done nothing. I use all my energy to seem "normal" that I just feel paranoid and alone.

I need to go and see my GP to get her to refer me to a psychiatrist (I already have a therapist) so I can talk about the Bipolar thing but it's so hard. A) To get up and go to the doctors in the first place. B) To have the strength to talk about it. I start to doubt myself, to trivialise my issues.

Sigh.

I'm just tired of trying so much all the time, you know?

S.

Have you tried joining any writing groups in your area. It sometimes helps to find people with common interests. I know the feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming. Just know that your not alone.

Hey Sayko Belle,

Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you are feeling so unwell right now. I can imagine moving out and having to cope with mood swings all by yourself must be really difficult. Hopefully things will work out as you break in your new home and make some contacts.

In the mean time we're here if you wanna talk. Take care.

Hey Sayko, you are not alone anymore, you have this forum.

I'm sure many people here understand all too well how you are feeling at the moment. It is difficult to explain where your head is at sometimes. (I've lost count of the number of times I've dodged or tired to dodge questions from my Pdoc)

But help is there for you. as well as kind words and support here. (they have helped me through som,e pretty dark times)

If it helps, in my experience, once you manage to say what you want to things do get much easier.

Gamer wrote:Have you tried joining any writing groups in your area. It sometimes helps to find people with common interests. I know the feeling of loneliness can be overwhelming. Just know that your not alone.

I think I'm too insecure for that right now, I have a blog and I write fanfiction so I communicate with people via that and it does help. Sometimes I'm so low I can't force myself to get into it though. Sometimes I think I need to be around people where I'm not being so "up" for them, somewhere I can just be however I am, for me.

Infinite_Jester wrote:Hey Sayko Belle,

Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you are feeling so unwell right now. I can imagine moving out and having to cope with mood swings all by yourself must be really difficult. Hopefully things will work out as you break in your new home and make some contacts.

In the mean time we're here if you wanna talk. Take care.

Hey, thank you.

It is really difficult, getting into bed at night is the worse. The lonely is suffocating. Last night was particularly hard.

I'm trying though. And talking really does help.

MrNobody45 wrote:Hey Sayko, you are not alone anymore, you have this forum.

I'm sure many people here understand all too well how you are feeling at the moment. It is difficult to explain where your head is at sometimes. (I've lost count of the number of times I've dodged or tired to dodge questions from my Pdoc)

But help is there for you. as well as kind words and support here. (they have helped me through som,e pretty dark times)

If it helps, in my experience, once you manage to say what you want to things do get much easier.

I really hope so. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do anymore, when I get to the really low places, and I have to do something, something has to change. And I am trying, but it's hard. I just can't shake the lows. At all.

What do some of you do when you're low, what helps? (apart from talking)

Thank you.

S.

Hi, Sayko - welcome to the board.

I completely understand how insecurity can keep you from writing - it gets so paralyzing that I find even responding on this forum can be hard. Artists bare their soul, and when you feel low, the last thing you want is to feel even more vulnerable. I hope you feel better soon though, and with that you get a spark to start writing again.

As for when I'm low, I don't tend to do too much. Like most, it's usually a pretty good gauge for me to know that I'm down if I stop wanting to listen to music, read, write or just watch TV. I have started to realize I can enact a sort of triage on my feelings if I smother my mood in things I love - food (pizza's a weakness), music (one of my 500+ iPod playlists... none of the moody ones though), TV (something funny or ridiculous) or just coming here and reading about others like me. In the end, it works because it gets my mind off of feeling down long enough for me to start feeling better.

Hope that helps a bit

SaykoBelle wrote:

Gamer wrote:
What do some of you do when you're low, what helps? (apart from talking)

Thank you.

S.

Have you tried aerobic exercise, such as jogging? There is some evidence that improvement in cardiovascular fitness improves mood, and even helps severe illnesses such as schizophrenia. It is important to know that help does not mean cure, but alleviation of symptoms is better than stagnation.

SaykoBelle wrote:It is really difficult, getting into bed at night is the worse. The lonely is suffocating. Last night was particularly hard.

Have you ever tried a body pillow with an electric heater?



It's the closest simulation you can have of being able to go sleep not alone (it's also tremendous for sobbing into and relieving lower back pain)