New here, want to better understand issues I am facing.

Hello to everyone out there. I was diagnosed BP1 about a year and a half ago but have shown symptoms of mood disorder since 16. I was being treated with lamotrigine and oxcarbazapine (don't know if I spelled that correctly) but discontinued mess once in felt better. NOT a great idea. I experienced a severe mixed episode starting around late January, lost my job because of the issues it caused. Mainly missing work.

My mixed episode ended with an experience with psychosis for the first time. And I was hospitalized as a result. It was a life changing experience and I am now doing the only thing I know to do, which is to educate myself as much as possible about my disorder and reach out to people who will understand. I have been reading threads all day today, and I am so glad I found a place to talk about everything that is happening inside my head right now. Even considering that I have an amazing support system of friends and family who are helping me, I feel so lost. They listen to me, but I feel that it is hard for them to truly empathize with the situation because it is hard to see the world through someone else's eyes. Especially when that someone is suffering from a mood disorder.

I have always been embarrassed by my issues and tried to hide them whenever possible. So I feel that it is a big step for me to be on a forum like this, freely offering up my emotions and fears. Although I don't like the fact that there are others suffering through the mania and depression that I am, it is nice to know I am not alone in the world.

Thank you to anyone who reads this, and I look forward to the knowledge I can gain from this forum.

Welcome to the forum Psyche's Test,

I'm glad you found the forum and think it will be beneficial to share your experiences with us and vice versa. I think our forum is pretty supportive.

How are you feeling these days?

Take care.

Hi there, welcome to the forums.

I think you're doing exactly the right thing in trying to find out as much as you can about your illness. It's what I have done and generally (Current rough patch aside) I have found it to be one of the most powerful weapons to use against this illness.

Reagards

MrN

Hi

I think that it is really good you have joined here and I do hope we can help you and support you.

If I can help you at all please shout me

Cracked

Thank you everyone for your responses. It means a lot to me to have people who understand.

Somedays I think I feel much better, other days I feel much worse. It is hard to be on a mood roller Coaster and expect others to keep up with you. I am trying to stay positive though. Having a lot of trouble finding an affordable Therapist, and also an affordable Psychistrist to manage my medications. And I can't technically work right now, I think I would get fired from any good job I got because of all this and I don't want too burn bridges in the workforce right now.

Guess I'm just trying to figure out what to do right now. The last few days I have felt completely wired and very emotional. So I'm concerned I might be entering another mixed state, or the very bleat jbe entering a manic state, and my manic states aren't good. They are bad news.

Anyways, thanks everyone for the welcome.ni look forward to speaking to you all in the future.

I hoep things dont deteriorate with your moood hon

Hugs

Cracked

There should be clinics in your area where you pay on a sliding scale basis.
Also check and see what state programs you may be eligible for. I would hate to see you
stay in limbo never knowing what direction you may go in. Keep us posted and try to get into see a pdoc and get a med check which may well be needed.

Psyche'sTest wrote:Somedays I think I feel much better, other days I feel much worse. It is hard to be on a mood roller Coaster and expect others to keep up with you. I am trying to stay positive though. Having a lot of trouble finding an affordable Therapist, and also an affordable Psychistrist to manage my medications. And I can't technically work right now, I think I would get fired from any good job I got because of all this and I don't want too burn bridges in the workforce right now.

Guess I'm just trying to figure out what to do right now. The last few days I have felt completely wired and very emotional. So I'm concerned I might be entering another mixed state, or the very bleat jbe entering a manic state, and my manic states aren't good. They are bad news.

Hey Psyche's Test,

Sorry to hear that you haven't been feeling well. It sounds like your really struggling to find the right treatment. However, there are lots of little things that you can do that can help you stabilize your mood like talking to friends and loved ones, exercising (vigorously or mildly), or maybe changing some of your behaviour or lifestyle choices (i.e. less coffee, alcohol or anything else that is no so good for the Bipolarally Disordered Person).

Hope you feel better soon. Take care and let us know how your doing.

welcome to the forums. i am sorry you are going through so much right now. experiences with psychosis can be especially frightening. i hope you can get things worked out soon. we are always here to listen.

Thanks again for the support. I actually found a psychiatrist and a therapist that accept my insurance, I got in to see them this week and got some surprising news. They do think that I'm bipolar, but they also think I show symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder as well. So they switched my meds, I'm not taking lamictal anymore, I'm taking abilify. I haven't noticed a difference yet so hopefully something changes soon.

I am kind of using reading as a form of therapy right now. I got a great book called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" that is about borderline. It is giving me a lot of insight into why I act the way I do and how I can help change my behavior patterns. Ive also been reading a lot of poetry, and trying to find the upside of all of this. Apparently there are a lot of connections between creativity and bipolar and borderline. So maybe I'm not crazy, just so talented I can't deal with it I've started writing in my journal again, I've always wanted to be a writer and now I have a lot to write about. I could fill volumes with the s**t that goes on in my head. lol.

And I am feeling better, they also gave me Ativan for the intense anxiety issues and that has helped me sleep better, which for being bipolar is pretty important to be on a regular sleep pattern.

Anyways, thanks so much to everyone. And I have a question, is there a forum that is specifically directed towards family or loved ones who are trying to help someone with BP? My husband really needs an outlet as well, and people to support him. Sometimes I forget tht I'm not going through this alone, and I want him to feel the same suppot that I have found on this forum.