balhblah >>> ventnsiosdf

HellO!

I've skipped meds here and there. I used to take them consistently but I don't seem to care anymore. I hate my psychiatrist because I feel like a specimen and I hate how she treats my future and I hate how she makes suggestions for me when she hardly knows my situation or me outside of the bipolar label. I am biased. Again, I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her. I hate psychiatry. I hate psychiatry I hate psychiatry. I hate therapy I hate therapy I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me.

I hate medicine I hate medicine.

I want to see how far I can fall without meds or how up I can get without meds.

That is sick. Very sick.

I'm not doing well in my life right now - I don't like to talk to people and I'm cynical and jaded and worried about school and college and my future and I would love to ignroe it right now.

I would like to fall and see how bad it gets before anyone takes notice.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Notes from Undeground man is soo cool.



I ignore things that cause me stress - they only get worse however.


I feel more lonely around people than when I'm alone.



I hate being dismissed as teenage angst or being 'emo'.



I feel like a liar and truly, that "no one understands me" <-- i ABSOLUTELY HATE THIS STATEMENT!!!! I HATE IT.

I try to have friends but they cannot relate and it's not their fault - it's not their fault they dont know about BP and it's not their fault that they cannot relate nor is it my parents' fault nor is it my teachers' fault and they look at me with skepticism or they look at my deteriorating grades with cynicism or look at me like i'm seriously demented.

nor is it their fault that i feel like an entertaining puppet when i speak to other s and make them laugh.... at me or by what i say or when they are amused of me.

it is just a very lonely world.

I am quite fine now. I had to cry a little bit and then I felt better.

A lot of the above was irrational thinking. Ignore for now. I expect to have similar thoughts in the future in times of great stress.

Thank you for reading.

And, I'm taking my medication in approximately 5mins.