Wife bipolar and how to support

My wife and I have been married for 4 years and been together for 6. We have two wonderfull kids age 3 and 7 months. Back when we where dating and first married she used to have small episodes of what I called Dr. Jenkle and Mr. Hide, where her eyes would suddenly loose it's sparkle and she would go off on some subject and become angry. That kind of went away after my daughter was born. She quite smoking weed and didn't drink as much. After about a year she starting saying that she needed to drink and smoke because she wouldn't be able to later in life with kids and that she was young and deserved it. That's when she started to have health problems. For the next 2 years she thought she had Cancer 3 times, she was diagnosed with microscopic colitis, she had hip problems that no doctor could account for, she thought she had M.S. and no doctor could account for and numerous other illnesses that she always complained about. Last year alone we spent almost 20,000 in doctor bills. In January of this year about a month after having my son, she went into severe depression and started taking vicadin 4 or 5 times a day and was getting them from numerous doctors she has. I went away on a business trip and she called me to tell me she took 20 vicadin in one day and 20 the next. We both decided at that time she needed to see someone. She started counseling and see a psch doctor. They put her on Zanac and Zoloft. In April she started no being able to watch the kids during the day. Her anxiety and depression was getting worse. Her doctor put her on Rispendol and three days later she tried to commit sucicide. They took her off the new medicine and evenually the depression started to end finally. Then the troubles really start. She starts talking about marriage seperation and wanting independance and her a job. I agree that she should get a job to get out of the house and interact with other people. Then about a week later she moves out into a friends house. The partying and going out drinking goes from 1 day a week to 4 or 5 days a week. I start feeling like a babysitter more than a supportive husband and father. She doesn't want anything to do with the kids and whenever she is home she gets really bad anxiety. She doesn't spend any time in one place and is constantly on the move. Then she says she is now talking to another guy, but she doesn't want a divorce, just seperation while she goes through this spell. Her doctor then put her on abilfy 5 mg a day. Last week her one doctor sayed she is bipolar. My wife started to think that all of the crazy idea's, mood swings and anxiety was partly to do with the bipolar. We saw her theripst and she said that she didn't think she was. Come to find out my after talking with the theripst later my wife isn't honest with her at all. Then on Sunday my wife starts shaking really bad and is seeing people that isn't there. She says isn't the alcohol. She stays in bed but doesn't sleep and shakes all day until she takes a drink and then leaves for hours. Comes back yesterday for a few hours while I'm at work and then when I get home she leaves screaming I need to go smoke and get away, and saying she is smoothered. Her therpst called me last night and said she had a long conversation with her pysch doctor and that is manic bipolar.

How do you deal with this and how long does it last? She has been manic now for almost two months. I can take care of the kids and household, but the drinking and spending all of our extra money and seeing other guys hurts. How much can you stand? I love her with all my heart. I constantly put pictures and notes from our past out to her view. I doubled her ring size. I try to get her to go on fun dates, which she loves.

Wow, you seem like a VERY good husband! You sound amazing. Really. I am 25 and bipolar. I also am married and have children. The only thing that ever puts a halt to my manic episodes is hospitalization. She needs care by mental health professionals that can monitor her medicine intake. That's the only thing I can think of. Try to hang in there... I know it must be horrible right now. Keep me posted if possible.

Wow, you are going thru some serious troubles w/ your marriage. I know your wife is bipolar, but how much of this can YOU stand? How are your children taking these episodes?

You can only do so much for someone who is going thru these episodes. Please get yourself in therapy & find out how to deal with this situation. This is a toughy. I know she doesn't mean to be outrageous & hurtful towards you, but how do YOU feel? Aren't you hurting inside???

PW

MT,
Mate, I know exactly how you feel !!!

My wife is very similar, though she doesnt do the partying thing.

Our troubles started about 3 years ago after the birth of our 2nd child (my 4th), we had a 2 year old boy at the tim, hes now 5.
My wife suffered what was thought to be post-natal depression, that lasted 6 months...12 months...
To cut a long story short, she would sleep all day, couldnt cope with the kids, had bad thoughts, was hearing voices, eventually she attempted suicide (3 times) and ended up in a psych unit.

She was declared to have manic depression with borderline personality disorder.

I managed to take 12 months off work to take care of the kids and in between attempt to restore some sort of normality to our houshold and save us from losing the house to the bank.
All of this with my 2 other kids from a previouse marriage coming every two weeks and so on....

My wife slowely seemed to respond to the anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotic medication along with valium.
She eventually got a job and that made a big difference too.

After about 2 years on that cocktail and with some level of normality creeping in she has now come off the mood stabilzer, anti-psychotic and valium which just left the anti-depressant.

Recently she had a huge upswing in mood, went through the roof, it was amazing, she was back to the person I married 6 years ago.
For the first time in 6 years we had a good sex life, good is an understatement, she couldnt get enough. Which actually is how she was when we met.
This only lasted a couple of weeks, a small issue with my other kids triggered her to dive and dive and dive. Now she has decided to move out as she is sick of our fighting, I'm accused of always pointing the finger at her.

This my question I guess, how do you make someone see they have a problem/issue without coming accross as "saying your wrong, its you" ?
The thing is she accepts she has issues, especially step kid issues but now hates me for pointing it out and making that point !
I cant seem to win and its so bloody hard to keep your mouth shut !

Her Psych now thinks she is Bipolar as well so.

To answer MT's question, thankfully I dont have the other guys to deal with, that would be tough. I just try to keep my mouth shut, I tell myself "its due to her illness", "its due to her illness", "its due to her illness", but there comes a point where you cant just right things off to your partners illness all the time..... Esspecially when its starts effecting the kids & step kids, not to mention yourself that doesnt even get a thought.

So.... I dont really have the answer.....
Please let me know when you find it !!!!

Keep hanging in there..

Hello,

I know this is a few months overdue, and I hope you are dealing with this ok. If you are still around, email me at chriskim_us@mail.com. My wife has bipolar too, she is doing really well right now, and just as important - so am I. I may be able to offer some advice.

I know how you feel. Going through a similar situation with my wife. She is out partying with her mostly male friends as we speak. Barely see her anymore, and to the other poster, yes I know exactly how you feel. You want to say that they have a problem and when you do they completely flip out. It's really hard, almost impossible at times, to deal with this. Remember your rights as a human being, and don't feel bad for any of this. We have to keep reminding ourselves that ultimately, this is not our fault.