Bipolar Dilimmas

have fun with all your uniquenesses people! I am! we have no disorders!

kooz wrote:have fun with all your uniquenesses people! I am! we have no disorders!

Actually, it can be fun on occasion, but gets to be a drag at others. Gee, I must be bipolar or something.

The depression obviously gets me down for long periods of time. But the hardest thing apart from that is accepting myself. I feel that I am always struggling to appear 'normal'. That is until the depression lifts and I feel I'm on a 'high', that's when I can feel great.

I guess it was relatively easy for me to accept my bipolar disorder because I've never felt normal. I've always been "cooky" and off in my own world, so this is just a step farther into that world. Also, my family history somewhat prepared me for it; both my mother and grandmother have bipolar disorder. So many people in my family have a mental illness of some kind that it's lost its stigma for us. Another plus is that I'm abnormally sensitive and therefore able to monitor my moods and physical symptoms. My mania, despite the hallucinations, troublesome physical symptoms and sensory issues, is pretty easy to deal with. The hard part for me is depression. If I get into a depressed state it is so hard to get out of. I have to exercise and eat right and do light therapy and talk therapy and journalling and be social and get outside and do things that I enjoy in order to regulate my moods. When depressed this is so much more difficult due to low energy and general hopelessness; even though you know what you have to do, you feel like you can't do it. I've never had any success with medication and am using holistic techniques which work for me. So far I'm functioning very well and my goal is to retain a slightly elevated state at all times so as to avoid depression. If I feel myself getting too excited I back off a bit and retreat into the dark bedroom for some sensory deprivation. My husband has been a great help to me. He has been so accepting and helpful. I feel very lucky and I wish everyone success in dealing with their respective illnesses.

i could choose all of them. but i voted reckless behavior because i do a lot of self-destructive behavior...i know it's bad for me...like going through periods of binge drinking which leads me to stop taking my meds, which in turn sends me into a hypomanic state and do a lot of stupid things. when i was first diagnosed i had the hardest time accepting it even though it finally made sense, i felt like i was stuck with this scarlet letter etched on myself and the idea of having to take meds every single day and put forth effort into staying healthy seemed so difficult. being young and in university also made it hard for me and i would try to keep up with partying with my friends but it always turned into doing things 100 times worse than whatever they did...like wandering off by myself in the middle of the night while they all fell asleep and i was awake for hours and meeting random guys. i've been lucky nothing dangerous has ever happened to me but my reckless behavior has resulted in a lot guilt, which makes me feel incredibly guilty in retrospect and more depressed.

Not knowing how I will feel day to day. Although i could have chosen other. I have these periods where it doesnt feel like hypo (which I love as usually I get euphoric) and its worse than depression. Just this super aggitated, energized, bugs crawling under my skin times. Not sure if its a mixed episode or what it is, but those are the worst.

Not knowing from day to day just pisses me off. It gets in the way of everyday life. But in some ways that's not all bad. Its taught me to live life from day to day, and that it's now I'm here, not tomorrow or yesterday. My mental health issues made me take a closer look at life and say; what am I living for ?

I refused to accept mine for years until I realised... ...ahh. I am bipolar. By this time I'd seen enough people admit to being bipolar that I realised it doesn't have to be the end of your life.

Reckless behaviour...? Hmm. Well, what's done is done, in some ways I'm just a little bit reckless anyway, what the hell, you only live once.

The worst by far is the depression. I'm technically schizoaffective(bp/sz) and when the two come together, I get nasty psychotic depression which to put it bluntly is $#%^. The best I've got out of that has been some weird poetry and stuff... lol the worst ? Living hell. Ever known 100% that you definitely want to die?

Depression gets my vote.

For me its not the Deppression ( im used to it and even like it when it lets me zone out on work or a project)
or the not knowing i mean eh so im a bit nuts its ok with me its kinda a surprise how im going to feel
or really anything listed thats the hardest.
its knowing that this up down thing is it for ever and after 30 yrs of living it and not being able to off myself ( im a wuss ) im just well uninterested in seeing how any of it turns out...i mean i feel like most Bi pols in that i think im damaged goods, so i dont even look for a relationship and i kill any chances of ones forming.
I have all the up down feelings and racing thoughts, and i take full advantage of them when they are racing and get as much work done ahead of time as i can, so when i go all dark and blah i dont have the added guilt of not producing stacked on top, im smart and very well educated so i cant enjoy blissful ignorance, i wont medicate so no comfort there

all in all i guess my biggest B***h is that this rides boring now like a broken ride at a carnival i know how it moves and ive been on it well past the fun part and now well now its just lame and the music sucks.

yep thats my biggest gripe of having a fun wired brain its boring.....same routines over and over hell unless im completely over taken with grief i just ignore how i feel at any given time and just do what ever i want. If i get over happy i chill and let it ride same with sadness to much and i just ignore it and get busy doing something eles.

ohhh an the having to talk to myself cause i kinda go hermit a lot also sucks but eh .

I change my mind. Mania gets it.

tbh I ######6 hate mania. Hypomania is fun, but full-blown mania... well I don't remember every single thing I said and did this year, but when I remember some of them, particularly while in the midst of stupid ######6 grandiose delusions, I feel a little sick.

Mine is definately mania. The anger, temper, going into another world with losing control of what you say. I hate that. Ofcourse the depression sucks too. But like someone said, sometimes the numbness of depression can be welcome.