Bipolar Dilimmas

deadbird wrote:i'm sort of confused by this part ..."But don't humans who experience emoitions feel a relatively large magnitude of emotions throughout their life? Certainly your emotional roller-coaster feels faster and bumpier than others', but what prevents you from looking at it like that?"

How specifically did you feel confused by that?

Okay, I'll expound...Don't you think we, as humans, should EXPECT a large magnitude of emotions? Living as the totality of billions of cells all functioning with high levels of intensity coupled with millions of environmental variables, our emotions respond, delicately, with incredible intelligence to those situations. Having "moods" simply means you have a sensitive (intelligent) emotional spectrum.

“Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions," writes David Borenstein.

it isn't all that you're cranking it up to be, if i am getting what you're saying. kind of. certainly i have a lot of emotions and all that but i am a hypersensitive person and have been all my life, so that adds to my condition and i quite hate it actually.

Your only "conditions" sounds like emotional intelligence. You pick up on things of which others do not. You can either feel suffocating burden or jubilation from that gift.

i suppose i hate my hypersensitivity more than my bipolar disorder though.

If you could write a paragraph on your hypersensitivity and then another quick paragraph of equal length (say 50 words each), how would each of those descriptions differ? What qualities do you find present with what you feels like hypersensitivity between what qualities feel like bipolar. Do you for example find that the the "hypersensitivity" prevents you from interacting with joys in your life, while bipolar makes you live in fear? Most importantly, include after your descriptions of "hypersensitivity" and "bipolar" how each of those "conditions" actually benefit you. Don't say this is "impossible". I've read books by people who've raved about how joyous they feel after becoming parapalegic, or how thankful they are for some other "condition".

it only makes the bipolar disorder worse. there's so many emotions that its actually overwhelming.

Who has to control all those overwhelming emotions? Can you think of a spark of clarity where you felt not just "normal" but in mastery of all your emotions? This could be, for example, after a great's night's sleep, or after earning some prestigious award, or giving a speech, or eating a bowl of cereal you like - - any avenue, any situation where you felt in total mastery of your emotions? Dig for that!

of course there are positive and negatives to certain things. i certainly learn a lot from being bipolar and hypersensitive. but it separates from me from the rest of the world...or maybe i just let it separate me.

Could you define "separation" and "separation from the world" for me? For example, when you go to use the bathroom, do you feel separated from the world or do you leave the door open so you don't feel "separation"? What about when you go to sleep, do you feel separated from the world, then? Do you communicate over the internet, move around occasionally in the world, have people that call you and/or see people on occasion? If so, how do you feel disconnected from the world?

Most importantly, can you pinpoint a person or a place that makes you feel connected?

but anyways...theres a lot of negatives lets put it that way. all the moods are generally ones which you can't function well under.

Could you describe "functioning well"?

depressed moods where you might eitehr be unmotivated or a lot worse off and feeling like cutting or something similar. manic mood where you're mind is crazy off the wall and your thoughts race and you can't really think and you're this totally different person and can't really get anything done cuz your minds racing so much.

Hhhhmmm....when you feel like "this totally different person and can't really get anything done cuz your minds racing so much" "who do you feel like you've become"? Do you, for example feel like a you've become a parental figure or a rockstar or some nutso? How can you better get to personally know - how can you befriend -- that so-called manic person you seem to "not know"? I ask that because it sounds like you DO know that person; you know how you operate, you know when and where you feel certain things. How can you harness your raw talent and profound emotional awareness?

personally i also have moods where i also am still energetic and have racy thoughts but i'm also angry and somewhat hostile...this mood can make me somewaht wild in that i feel like doing damaging impulsive things tho usually i just end up piercing myself (ie. diy piercing)

Piercing operates as a form of self-expression. People get tattoos to express themselves. Usually they are found in environments where expression can be difficult to find and/or cultivate....like prisons. Can you think of a way to expound and creatively rejuvenate your understanding of your energetic voice to cease merely expressing yourself through the epidermal layer of your skin, sterilized needles, cheap jewelry, and some nifty little insignia pattern ?

Oh, and about your energy....Mick Jagger said– “I don’t like being completely isolated. I need energy from other people.” CAn you believe that. This huge shocker rocker icon talks about how he needs energy and that he needs certain conditions (proximity to people) to acquire that energy, and you already seem to have that valuable commodity in boatloads? How do you get so much energy? From where does your awesome energy originate?

“I don’t ‘have’ a lot of energy – no one has a lot of energy – you cultivate energy by opening yourself up, making yourself porous, to receive the energy from other people.”

i also have moods a mix between the depressed and the angry hostile one where i am also dangerous to myself. and then of course a lot of the time i'm very irritated and people don't want to be around me because of that and i push them away because they are in fact irritating me.

When you "push people away" how do you do that? Like if you're in a crowded elevator do you just part the seas like Moses and shove every body to one side of you?

How can you transform your moments of peace (not piercing, rage, nor mutiliation, mind you) but actual creative serenity into genuine articles of passionate success?

including my dog as horrible as that is. so its quite a lot of crappy stuff in there...not much good. except lessons, a lot of lessons...on myself, on others, on lots of things i guess.

haha From do you think "kick the cat" originated from?

You sound like you have a LOT of good things, deadbird. After all, how could something great emerge when you have a complacency with the world around you? Wouldn't you say that you have moments of irritation and/or frustration with the world and or people around you? Well, that vexation functions as the very indication that something successful has begun to emerge. Give birth to that voice!

gone wrote:well, as a severe rapid cycling bi polar i can say def. not knowing what one min to the next is gonna be like, and the social implications of this factor...i can be 30 or 40 diff people in the space of 8 hrs.....and have no warning,or precursors....this causes many big probs.....daily existence is almost unbearable.....social interaction is pretty much impossible, and the combination of all the co symptoms can induce psychotic breaks,dementia,and totally abnormal thinking and behavior....speakig for myself, of course.......opinion only.ask me in 5 min.....u cud get a totally diff answer. be well, be safe...'core

That describes me too. I never know how to describe myself because I'm always different. One minute, I can be a wreckless teenager, the next I can be so depressed I can hardly function, and then later be completely happy and 'normal.' No warnings at all, just a quick spiral into the next mood my brain decides to throw at me. It's tiring. I just started college and don't have any friends yet just because I'm afraid I'll confuse them. Sometimes I'm blunt, sometimes I'm shy, sometimes I awkwardly sit and wonder what I'm supposed to say in response to people. Abnormal thinking and behavior -I thought I was the only one who got that. I can do some really strange things sometimes that I not even I understand, and then people look at me strangely. And the other day, I hung out with some friends. At first, I was really awkward, didn't know what to say, just sat there depressed. Then, out of nowhere, I'm completely normal, laughing, talking, jumping into the conversation. Everything. Now I have to apologize (oh, yipee, another apology) to them for being so wacked out that day. Fortunately, they're into psychology and will understand. I wish everyone would understand that easily.

Lately I've been really really really depressed --self-injurous thoughts, although I haven't caved in yet, only because it's been 1 year for me; suicidal thoughts--the works. I've slept through a few classes even though I got more than enough sleep. I've been crying everytime I'm alone. I get the occasional and completely random good mood. It's causing me to get way too much sleep, not enough food, no social life, and some concerned looks. I really need to see the resident psychiatrist so I have someone to adjust my meds. Yeah. Fun. \

Sorry, depressed.

Coma:

I definitely know where you are coming from. I have Bipolar Disorder II (Hypomania) Where I get the extreme lows and then I'll get mania, where I get so much energy that I don't know what to do with it. Then 2 days after that I'll come crashing down from my high happy energy filled mood.

So don't be sorry you are depressed. You'll cheer sooner or later like I do. Hang in there!!

A new pal to talk to.

Survivor101 (Anne')

coma wrote: I get the occasional and completely random good mood.

Could you elaborate on this "occasional and random" good mood? Do you feel like you have more energy or a more positive outlook in life? How does this good mood differ from you other moods? Do you feel like you can get more done with the good mood state? How long does the good mood state last for you? Do you ever have different levels or "degrees" of good mood (like some feel more uplifting than others?)

-- John

Hi, I'm kinda new here so I thought I'd jump straight in with a poll.
I would have to say other, the worry that I might end up doing or saying something that hurts someone I really care about is the thing that I find most unbearable. The people I surrond myself with are the only thing that helps me feel normal and without them I'd be lost.

Slim wrote:Hi, I'm kinda new here so I thought I'd jump straight in with a poll.
I would have to say other, the worry that I might end up doing or saying something that hurts someone I really care about is the thing that I find most unbearable. The people I surrond myself with are the only thing that helps me feel normal and without them I'd be lost.

Hey slim,
The fear of unintentionally verbally hurting others is a natural survival mechanim for ourselves. Social acceptance feels very important, so some of us have installed overly protective "social limitation devices" to avoid insulting or offending our potential social spheres. The most important bottom-line, however, (although it sounds cliche) is self-acceptance. If you have that, you'll typically balance out and will have the capacity to defend yourself against aggression and support comraderie. The obvious fear with an overly-limitating and overly-protective social mechanism where you fear offending others is, obviously, feeling offended yourself but being "imprisoned" to do anything about it. The other extreme is the overly-assertive social blunderer who expresses every dissatisfaction. Such a person may not have a stable social sphere, but atleast he's selective about his interactions.

If you liken comraderie to food, you have the aforementioned "overly picky" person who denounces everything and "starves to death" or the person who's not picky enough and eventually eats something poisonous (befriends a pugnacious person who hurts you). As usual, it seems the best answer is a fine balance between the extremes.

The deep depression along with continual, although sometimes mild suicidal thoughts bother me the most. The mania irritates everyone else more, quite obviously.

Mine would be: being depressed all the time, having to worry about what my mood will be when I wake up till I go to sleep. Trying to keep my wits about me and not think about "the Black hole". The effects afterwards from having a manic episode.(Like right now, I have mania. I must have straightened everything in the house and cleaned at the speed of lightning so far tonight. I feel good, but I won't like the effects of coming down later on. Also, I really enjoy not being around anyone. No arugments, and having to feel like you are delusional when they are telling you what you did in the past or present. It drives me crazy!!!!

Nothing is worse than a mixed episode of bipolar disorder. I've had a few, where I have tons of energy, sleep only a few hours per night, talk a lot, and am hypersexual, but also I cry a lot, feel angry, and have racing depressive thoughts about how horrible my life is and how I should kill myself.

nehevea11 wrote:Nothing is worse than a mixed episode of bipolar disorder. I've had a few, where I have tons of energy, sleep only a few hours per night, talk a lot, and am hypersexual, but also I cry a lot, feel angry, and have racing depressive thoughts about how horrible my life is and how I should kill myself.

Not that it will make you feel any better, but I'm going through more or less the same thing right now. I quit all my meds a week ago, so maybe/hopefully it's just withdrawal symptoms.

It's difficult, but rest assured that you are not alone. Hope that helps, so hang in there and I promise it will get better.