NEED SOME ADVICE

First off, I would like to say Hi to all that read this message. I apologize for all spelling mistakes , because I tend to make a lot. This is my first post ever in a mental health forum. I have had emotional , mood , and anxiety issues all my life. When I was younger they seemed to be off and on with some periods of mild happiness. My parents brought me to see a psychiatrist when I was around 17 years old. Well being a kid I thought there was nothing wrong with me and I went there 2 times and it was a big waste of time. I was just a kid and I didnt know what to say and wasn't honest with him for what ever reason. It took me untill I was 22 to realize that I needed professional help , and for about a year or so I have been researching and trying to self diagnose , which isnt very healthy to do from what Ive heard. My mood , emotional , and anxiety problems have ruined my life. In school I went from having a 93 GPA and anough credits to graduate my Jr year to not graduating at all because I went from the smart jock crowd to the druggie crowd. I believe I did this because of my issues. It was like a cry for help that was never answered even though I did have people try to help. I guess I didnt want help. Now I am 25 like I posted and I believe mental illness has ruined my life. I have rapid cycling mood swings along with anxiety. I have had about 35 jobs since high school and have quit 33 of them without even letting any off my bosses know why. I just no call no show and never go back even to get my check. I want to live and experience all the great things in life , but I cant. I have dissapeared from a group of friends that I didnt want to see any more and I always worry about running in to them somewhere when Im out. I also keep dissapearing from a group of friends I want to keep. I have had so many differnt thoughts , emotions , ideas and answers that I feel so lost in my mind. Along with symptons of bi-polar , I have symptons of OCD, and BPD and insomnia. Even though I do want to live I have had suicidal thoughts. I dont think I would ever take action but as more time goes on , it seems like a option. Im usually in control and not in a crisses situation , so going to the emergency room seems like a dumb idea. I recently got a apointment with a new Dr (because I didnt have one) and they cant get me in for 2 weeks and it is just a 20 minute meet and greet they said. I really want a specialist like a psychiatrist but I doubt I will find one. Ive called every psychiatrist , psycologist and counselling center in the phone book and they either dont take my health insurance or they are booked up for 4-6 months. I ask them for help finding someone and they say pretty much all mental health is on a 6 month waiting list. My issues are destroying my life. I have no money because I spend money like Im rich and I cant keep a job at all. I have fear that I am worse then I think I am. I have a fairly good family that is willing to help and my family and I cant find any place that will help me. Well we can but waiting 6 months to move on with my life seems rediculous. Sorry If this message was hard to understand , but I needed to get some of this off my chest to some people other then my family. There is a lot more I could say, but no one wants to read a 10 page post. I am looking forward to hearing from who ever wants to reply to my post. I feel like the only way for people to help me is to try to kill my self even though I dont want to , but I also dont want to go on being miserable or wait 6 monthes for help. THANKS FOR LISTNING

Hi Jer,

WElcome to the bipolar forum, first I'd like to say that I am glad you found us, and that you could vent here.

I realize that finding a doc is hard, esp. when you are ready and need one. Can you get into an M.D. and explain to them your diagnosis, and see if he can refer you to a psychiatrist, this can speed things up. Esp. if you are in crisis. Just tell them what you told us here, or print your letter.

You background is very normal for this condition. But fortunately you are smarter than I was at your age. I was in complete denial, and let it ruin my life. If not for my best friend, who was also bipolar, I might not be here today. She walked me thru the whole procedure and got me a doc.

You might call your local crisis hotline as well, they are good at having resources available that will take your insurance or that go on a sliding scale.

If you are in crisis, please go to the emergency room at your local hospital, and they will take you if you are in danger of hurting yourself or others. And provide you with a doc, and meds to level you out, voluntary you can leave anytime, but make sure it is the right thing to do (leave). Okay?

Please keep us informed of your progress, or feel free to come here and share with us. We have all been there ,a s frustrating as it is.

Anytime, ddee

Jer,

If you really start feeling s**c**d**l, go to the ER and tell them. Tell them you have a plan to do it. You'll get a psych consult fast.

You may also end with a hospital stay behind locked doors.

Please don't hurt yourself - that's never a good option. Going to the ER is your best course of action if you really start to feel that way.

Good luck,
Stolen