Having an honest relationship

I am diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder or hypomania. For the first time, I am in a serious relationship with a completely normal guy. In the past, I have always dated men that tend to have similar emotional problems like me.

I am terrified of scaring this guy off with my emotional instability or by telling him of my diagnosis. I am 24 and we have been in a committed relationship for about 8 months now. Unfortunately, I am starting another semester at a university while workig full time and I am already starting to feel a hypomania episode is being triggered. I have started several conflicts at my work and I am feel very overwhelmed at home. I want to be able to talk to my boyfriend about this before I accidentally drive him off, but I am concerned that telling him I am bipolar will seem like I am trying to dump my repsonsibility for my own actions. I have never felt this is ok. I do feel like I need to learn and develop more self control and prevent my disorder from impairing my judgement. What concerns me most is he says he has never had huge blowouts with his previous girlfriends, things just start feeling wrong and either they mutually end the relationship or he does. My emotional state always seems to be in turmoil and I am afraid it is only a matter of time before I try to start a fight. I think that maybe warning him that this is me and just because I act hostile, doesn't mean I don't love him. But I don't know if he can handle it.

Does anyone have any personal experience they can share on both sides, telling and not telling their loved one?

Personally I think it is better to be upfront about diagnosis, if he cant handle it then he may not be the right person for you anyhow. Explain to him about your condition and give him information so he knows what it is about and is not scared by the name. He clearly likes you for you, and telling him you have an illness should not change that.

Cracked

I completely agree with Cracked. You have been with this guy a pretty good amount of time, so by now (ideally) he shouldn't be easily scared off. Are you on any meds, going to therapy? If you're doing any kind of treatment, let him know and that will probably ease his mind a little. It is hard to live with us and be in a relationship with us indeed.....but it can be done. Make sure he knows he can ask questions about it. If he's willing, steer him toward a little research. A better understanding of your health should make a big difference. And don't be afraid to let him know that you fear this will cause problems. That way he knows you're not trying to use your diagnosis as an excuse for anything, and so he knows that you are aware of your own tendencies and behaviors.

I think you should go for it and tell him - you can use positive examples to explain it - people like Stephen Fry who are successful in their own right and manage their lives, to show you don't mean to offload responsibility for your behaviour.

Also, mental illness is so much more common than most people realise, so many people have problems at some point in their lives that he might have already come into contact with some of it.

I agree with Cracked and Maddogmaddy.

Good luck!

I say tell him. He's going to find out eventually if he's going to have a long intimate relationship with you. If he's going to leave you because of it, do you want to lose him now or later after you put more into the relationship? Being your partner means he can help you know when your mood changes are coming on and help you manage them.

If you think your emotional state is always in turmoil, maybe he's noticed something about you already. I'm reflecting on numerous past instances when people have asked me what's wrong or if I'm mad at them. I didn't think anything was wrong and I couldn't figure out why those people thought I was mad at them. But apparently they noticed something different about my behavior. My problem is the milder thing called cyclothymia, so I don't have big swings. But some people I work with have thought I'm moody or have another side to me that mere acquaintances don't know. They knew that before I did.

If you can feel the manic state coming on and you think you might start an argument with him, that sounds like you have enough awareness of what's happening to try to develop a management plan. Good luck.