Ex starting to scare me

eek... he is bipolar, so maybe the chemicals in his brain will eventually level out and hopefully he'll get over you. im not sure my case is the exact same, but that seems to be how i got out of my "crush:"

i was in a position recently obsessed over a girl id never even had a relationship with (though such good friends i always had a lil crush on her)... for bout a week i went at her daily, tryin to talk her into kissing me and feeling our relationship was over ...each time. this is NOT normal for me, but i was suffering inside, and didnt know why. i was so _delusional_ i thought our friends were conspiring to hook us up one day.

i came to my senses only after the girl left on a trip and i believed she was going to stay w/me instead - she didnt, tho i still thought it was my fault somehow - i only broke after my roomate came in to yell at me for making a fool of myself around our friends n i tried to explain everyone was against me. slowly i regained control as i pieced together all the other parts of my life that had changed round the same time...

i hope this sheds some light from his perspective, it was devastating to my ego/stability after i 'woke up.' u can imagine how he will feel when he comes to realize his mistakes. in my case, the more i blew my chances, the more i wanted to prove myself to her and eventually i was so delusional i had to admit my fault. imho he may only come to terms if he sees you're actually dating someone else - otherwise, medication n therapy are his best solutions.

hi,
My story, may help you shed some light on your problems from another perspective. I'm a woman and i suffer with biplar disorder but i have never been delusional or paranoid, thank goodness , I have recently got out of an abusive relationship with my ex partner. He didnt suffer from any mental illness, he is just a very controlling person who couldnt accept that it was over between us , he displayed alot of very abusive behaviour towards me and harrassment , like your ex appears to be doing.
So your ex could actually just be that type of person, there are lots of people who act irrationally when something devastating happens to them and they cant accept it , but its not necessarily because he is bipolar. People with mental difficulties are just the same as everyone else we come inall different shapes and sizes and with different personalities......... and we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I hope you feel better soon , you can read my posts on the domestic abuse forum here , under WHAT IS LOVE ANYWAY? it may help you to put you situation into perspective.


take care

...with the post that said that your boyfriend might only come to his senses if he sees you with a new boyfriend. If someone is devastated about a breakup and in a severely bad state of mind, that is something that can push someone over the edge, even into violence.

Medication and therapy could very well be helpful if the boyfriend is bipolar. I also think there are a lot of humane and progressive gestures that deserve to be explored on the topic of how to execute a breakup with as little pain and rupture as possible. I'm still working out my ideas, but I do know from experience that acknowledging a depressed ex-lover instead of avoiding or spurning him (as long as he isn't dangerous, or threatening you) will probably make him more likely to seek professional help.

Being forbidding or stern, telling him that you want nothing to do with him, or having other people tell him he's deluded, don't seem like the most effective ways to getting someone back on a healthy path, emotionally. I never believed in the efficacy of being "cruel to be kind." Especially if the person is really low to begin with. But of course as women we all need to be especially careful and ensure our safety as much as possible.

I agree my ex was both abusive and threatening , to me and my children . Your own safty is always paramount, whether mental illness is involved or not.