How's Your Mood Today?

Absolutely ######6 terrible. I sought out a trigger. I don't know why I do this. I don't want to talk about it because it's very personal, but I sought it straight out. Went straight to it, watched it, now I'm manic as all hell. I had plans this morning. I wanted to write. I wrote very little. I've been pacing back and fourth, having my interview on the program 60 Minutes, talking about my life, all the things I do, my birds, my writing, what to avoid when writing (because we all know I'm an expert on writing, eat your heart out, Tolstoy!)

I hate this. I didn't even sit and contemplate it. I'm just all "yeah, let's go watch that! Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Now here I am, morning ruined. I've been like this for an hour now. I just wish I had someone to talk to, and no, not over a private message. I thank anyone that was going to offer that, if there was anyone, but I want to hear a voice, and have my voice heard. My ex boyfriend used to live with me, and every morning, because he refused to get a job, he'd wake up extra early for me, just to talk to me and be there for me. There are a lot of times I miss him. I really, really do, but I could not afford to care for us both, and when he told me he would try to get a job, and never once did, I was hurt, and I eventually broke up with him.

That was almost a year. I miss the companionship. I have been looking for a companion, even an online, long distance one, despite the fact that I know that doesn't work out. I've used websites like Reddit in an attempt to find someone. I've had people from all over the world, on different continents message me, and I'm all "I live in the United States, why is this person from Africa messaging me about dating?"

I understand why now.

Sluggish. Took a sleep aid and it is still in my system even after 11 hours of sleep.

Mood sucks...

Tired but content. Can't sleep. I refuse to take my sleep aid and sleep 11 hours of my life.

Mood is very low.

Totally bored.

Feeling really happy My friend is coming over and I love being around her. She is so positive and is always lifting me up.

I've been pacing all day feeling euphoric, so...yeah

It's bad today. Weird and twisted dreams last night. Just want to sleep, but the dreams end up being convoluted and menacing. Crying a lot. It's always going to be this way isn't it? Storms in my brain. Listened to "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. I feel alone with no purpose other then to wake up, do stuff, and go back to bed. I'm 48 and I'm stuck with this illness forever before and forever after. I feel like I contaminate the people around me with my sadness.
I feel a little better. Thank you if you read this.

I feel like $#%^. One of my best friends and her whole family contracted COVID and I’m really worried . Also my brother and his wife are having an awful time, and I’ve been having persecutory delusions, well, maybe they’re delusions, maybe they’re real, who knows!!

Oh, I haven’t been here in ages!!