Just diagnosed with mild bipolar

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I need to reach out to people that might be able to answer my questions. Just 3 days ago my psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild bipolar disorder. I reacted with amazement and disbelief, but I also felt unbelievably relieved. I've always known Im a bit different with my upbeat personality and optimistic outlook on life. I've also been called very moody and have a bit of a temper. I thought I was fairly normal most of the time. Over the past view years I've been abusing alcohol. I felt that I was drinking to relax and unwind and also to lose inhibitions under social settings as well as maintain a euphoric high feeling. Not sure about the last part because alcohol is a depressant. My drinking lately has been putting me in a depressive mode. For awhile I was downing Valium until my wife found the bottle and made me throw them away. Under orders from my wife I went to see the doctor.

When I told my wife about the diagnosis she at first almost laughed and thought that I had convinced the psychiatrist to give me medication. This could be further from the truth. When I went over the questions the doctor asked me and family history I provided to him, she was still unconvinced. She thinks that I tend to be obsessive about certain things (high energy for sex, risky situations, and taking things to the extreme), but she thinks that's normal.

All the on-line tests I've taken have me scored in the moderate to extreme for bipolar. I've retaken them and the results are consistent even though I try and be more conservative. One thing that bothers me is that the symptoms I've experienced aren't as severe as described from the hours of research I've done.

My wife says the only thing that matches the diagnosis is my propensity to take things to the limit.

My family history, however, appears to be chock full of close relatives with bipolar, or anxiety issues. My father was for sure and my brother (not on medication) is also bipolar. My uncle on my fathers side is probably bipolar, my aunt on my mothers side has serious anxiety issues and most recently my nephew has been hospitalized several times for anxiety attacks. Given this history my chances appear very high that I too have a bipolar disorder.

I would like to hear from people who have mild bipolar to see if my experiences are similar. What I'm trying to wrap my head around is that, despite having possibly one depression episode, I'm usually an upbeat person. In fact I've been drug zed for being too laid back at times and not worrying about anything. One thing that has bothered me most of my life is very obsessive thoughts. For example, i started shaving my head about a year ago because I'm going bald and I thought I looked better. Now I'm obsessed with keeping it well shaved and my thoughts keep turning to wanting laser hair removal for a permanent solution. I even called a laser center for an appointment but cancelled at the last moment. However the thoughts remain. I keep thinking that the only remedy is to have it done just to get rid of the thoughts. I've got a few more similar type thoughts that continue to plague me. BTW, alcohol seems to excacerbate the condition. In a starnge sense I like the thoughts especially when amplified by alcohol.

I've been prescribed Lamotrigine. Only taking one a day right now at 25mg. I apologize for the very long post but I felt I needed to unload what has been swirling around my head. Also, I want to mention that I'm doing very well with no alcohol.

Well done for managing without the alcohol. It can make things worse in bipolar, as well as being addictive in its own right. OCD and bipolar are linked so that may explain some of your obsessive thoughts. If your Dr thinks you are bipolar then that is something to listen to despite what others may say. It will take some time to get your head round this so be kind to yourself and take it easy.

Cracked

Thanks Cracked. All the symptoms I've read deal more with the severe type of bipolar. I'm looking for symptons that are not so severe. It's really frustating because I know something is wrong but the pieces don't always fit the puzzle. I guess I'm looking for someone who has mild bipolar as its hard for me to relate to the severe type. I'm okay with the diagnosis, and I'm convinced my issues led me to abuse. I'm just having a real hard time figuring out what my episodes are so I can better deal with things.

When I was diagnosed I did a course called Mood On Track which is a group course that explains more about BP and how to manage it. It might be worth you finding out if there are any similar courses near you?

Cracked

Hey there Trex,

I think you should be optimistic about the drug Lamictal. I'm on it for Borderline PD & Cyclothymia (A very, very mild form of Bipolar) & It's worked wonders for me. I am on, however, 200 mg of the drug. So you just have to wait until you get up in the higher dose areas. I think you'll see a change. At least be optimistic about it.

I definately don't feel the drug working yet. I've started to lose a bit of weight and I've got no craving for alcohol. It reminds me of when I was caught having an affair about 6 years ago. It seems to be a bit of a depressive state and I'm really having trouble concentrating at work. Muddling through right now.

Could it be that in a depressive mood I don't feeling the need to medicate with alcohol. Just wondering.

You are on a low dose atm but it has to be built up slowly due to side effects. When are you next seeing your Dr? Wrt the alcohol, I am not sure but I think it is good you are not drinking or drinking in moderation.

Cracked

June 10th is my next appointment. I can't go earlier because I'm traveling out of the country. He told me to step it up this Friday to 50mg. I'm a bit nervous to be going on this trip because I'm worried about a binge and wanting to capture some euphoria. I'm afraid of losing that exhileration feeling I've come to enjoy. Thats very scary for me.

Step up your meds as per advice. Can you try to put yourself in situations where a binge is less likely? As for missing the euphoria that is common (I miss it too) but being stable is better as wise ppl here will tell you.

Cracked